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So sick of being rejected.

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The problem I think....you seem to believe that you're entitled to a relationship. You're not. As others have said before, you need to work on yourself and as the above poster just said, you also need to chill out and stop focussing on this. Things will improve once you do.
Reply 61
Original post by Anonymous
Haters gonna hate - but you will never understand.


OP that's an good quote but you should stop being so hard on yourself. Just because a few girls have rejected you doesn't mean that's the end of you. I say keep meeting girls and getting to know them.You will find a girl that likes you as much as you like them. If I can get girls than you surely can lol

A girlfriend will not solve all your problems. There are more important things than getting a girlfriend. Work on your career, fitness, hobbies etc and the opportunities will present themselves.

oh and BE HAPPY!

Original post by redferry

Well no-one is interested in me because I am one of the lads pretty much. I am loud, intimidating and pretty crude. Guys want a girly needy vulnerable girl and I am far too independent and don't put up with ****. But that's fine, I'm not about to change myself just to get laid. Dont change yourself for a relationship, it wont last.


Needy, vulnerable, (male)attention-hungry girls are actually the bane of my existence. I would much prefer an independent girl who doesn't need a boyfriend in order to survive.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
You're assuming that I don't have a realistic view of every woman I ask out. Let me reiterate again that I do not base my feelings for women only on physical appearance. Every girl who has rejected me is someone who I knew for at least 6 months beforehand. I'm attracted to a good personality, sensible behaviour and intelligence in a girl as well as physical appearance, which does not play as big a part as you think. I put a lot of thought into whether I even want to ask a girl out because I'm often in 2 minds about whether to go for it or not. I'm sorry you find it patronising if a guy thinks the world of you, but it's that kind of view that has completely put me off asking any girl out again. I've already accepted that I will either be alone for the rest of my life or be forced to marry someone I don't know very well.

What I have learned from my few short relationships is that being successful with a woman means accepting that she's not perfect. And every time I've asked a girl out since then, I am fully aware of what she is and is not. I'd say that's already being quite critical before I've even asked a girl out - so you tell me where the problem is.



Why would you say something like that? You're obviously too self-righteous and proud to give any compassionate or constructive advice to someone who's not in the same position as you. If you don't have anything to add that's not directly rude or offensive like you have been in this comment, please don't bother.

The bit in bold might be part of your problem. Whilst it's good to get to know someone before you ask them out, by this stage they'll see you as a friend, and be freaked out by being asked out by you- and not because of who you are, but just because they've got used to you being their friend and the idea of it is weird.
Reply 63
Original post by sophisticated
The problem I think....you seem to believe that you're entitled to a relationship. You're not. As others have said before, you need to work on yourself and as the above poster just said, you also need to chill out and stop focussing on this. Things will improve once you do.


Thank you for your reply. :smile:

However, I respectfully disagree. I believe everyone in the world is entitled to be in a proper relationship with someone they are attracted to. Part of being human is to find companionship. So why am I any different? Maybe I'm not entitled to a relationship because there's something wrong with me - but I think I at least deserve a chance to have a girl reciprocate feelings for me. After every rejection I've been depressed but then bounced back and found increasingly creative and inventive ways of asking out the next girl. It's not like I'm using the same failed method every time - I do the whole process differently every time. After nearly 30 rejections in the last few years and realising that the (very) short relationships I did have were nothing more than stringing me along , I don't know what to do.

As I've mentioned before, my personality is such that girls just want to be friends with me and nothing else, despite many of them being flirty with me. I've already spent many years working on my own attributes so that I know what I can offer a girl. As for chilling out, this is a side of me that I've never shown to anyone before. Whenever I'm with friends (male or female), I'm chatty, sociable and (I think) a fun person to be around. But when I'm on my own, this is how I think.

So as you claim to be sophisticated, you tell me - why does every single girl put up a facade of being good friends with me when they all think I'm not worthy of a relationship, whether I want to be in one or not?

Original post by bananabrain
The bit in bold might be part of your problem. Whilst it's good to get to know someone before you ask them out, by this stage they'll see you as a friend, and be freaked out by being asked out by you- and not because of who you are, but just because they've got used to you being their friend and the idea of it is weird.


True. But I can't understand how else I'm supposed to enter a relationship. I can't ask a girl I don't know because that will just fail. All the girls I know who are in relationships with other guys, have known their boyfriends for a couple of months beforehand. The way I see it - a girl should get used to being friends with me anyway because how would we ever get along in a relationship without being friends? Why is it weird to ask out someone you know and are good friends with? I don't understand why I have to be only one or the other to a girl - a friend and not a partner, or vice versa. You make it sound like I should ask out a girl immediately after meeting them before they throw me in the friend-zone - believe me, I tried that once and it doesn't work. I don't know how it could possibly be seen as weird if someone like me wants to become more than friends with a girl. I can't play this tedious game of cat and mouse forever - I will have to give up one day and just accept that, out of hundreds of girls I know (including the 30 or so that rejected me), not one of them thinks I'm relationship material. I don't want it to come to that.
Reply 64
Original post by pikaboo
Taking it all a bit too seriously, OP? Loosen up, tease the girls a little, get them laughing and curious about you. That's one of the first ways you can gain interest.


Thanks for your advice. :smile:

In fact, that's exactly what I do to become friends with girls in the first place. I'm chatty, I tease them and (as some of my male friends have complimented me on), I make them laugh quite well. I have no problem in gaining interest to establish friendships with girls because I'm generally very self-confident when I'm around other people. I would say that I've always been popular with my friends and I regularly go out with guys and girls in big groups. But the problem is with getting a girl to accept me as more than a friend to them. Out of hundreds of girls I know, I don't ask out very many proportionally - so it's not like they think I'm asking out too many. The problem is not my personality or attributes, as I've often received compliments on both of these from male and female friends. All my friends think that I've been in many relationships before because of my popularity but the truth is that, even though girls see me as a good friend, they completely ignore me on a one-to-one basis or outside the workplace. The problem is with their attitudes to me as a possible boyfriend. Right now it looks like I can always be friends with girls, but never have a girlfriend.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for your reply. :smile:

However, I respectfully disagree. I believe everyone in the world is entitled to be in a proper relationship with someone they are attracted to. Part of being human is to find companionship. So why am I any different? Maybe I'm not entitled to a relationship because there's something wrong with me - but I think I at least deserve a chance to have a girl reciprocate feelings for me. After every rejection I've been depressed but then bounced back and found increasingly creative and inventive ways of asking out the next girl. It's not like I'm using the same failed method every time - I do the whole process differently every time. After nearly 30 rejections in the last few years and realising that the (very) short relationships I did have were nothing more than stringing me along , I don't know what to do.

As I've mentioned before, my personality is such that girls just want to be friends with me and nothing else, despite many of them being flirty with me. I've already spent many years working on my own attributes so that I know what I can offer a girl. As for chilling out, this is a side of me that I've never shown to anyone before. Whenever I'm with friends (male or female), I'm chatty, sociable and (I think) a fun person to be around. But when I'm on my own, this is how I think.

So as you claim to be sophisticated, you tell me - why does every single girl put up a facade of being good friends with me when they all think I'm not worthy of a relationship, whether I want to be in one or not?



True. But I can't understand how else I'm supposed to enter a relationship. I can't ask a girl I don't know because that will just fail. All the girls I know who are in relationships with other guys, have known their boyfriends for a couple of months beforehand. The way I see it - a girl should get used to being friends with me anyway because how would we ever get along in a relationship without being friends? Why is it weird to ask out someone you know and are good friends with? I don't understand why I have to be only one or the other to a girl - a friend and not a partner, or vice versa. You make it sound like I should ask out a girl immediately after meeting them before they throw me in the friend-zone - believe me, I tried that once and it doesn't work. I don't know how it could possibly be seen as weird if someone like me wants to become more than friends with a girl. I can't play this tedious game of cat and mouse forever - I will have to give up one day and just accept that, out of hundreds of girls I know (including the 30 or so that rejected me), not one of them thinks I'm relationship material. I don't want it to come to that.


What????!! Being friends with someone does not mean that you want to be in a relationship with them too! Some girls , me included, are perfectly capable of just being friends with a guy without wanting to screw him. What makes you think these girls are pretending to be friends with you, just because they won't go out with you? This is exactly what I mean. You think that just because a girl is being friendly with you, it should lead to a relationship. This is not true, although obviously it can happen.

As for what you think of yourself, that's fine, but obviously there's a reason why you haven't been successful yet, whether thats your personality or your attitude towards women or the way you look, I don't know. That's not my problem to work out, despite what my username is, and neither is it the problem of all your female friends....it's your problem buddy.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for your reply. :smile:
True. But I can't understand how else I'm supposed to enter a relationship. I can't ask a girl I don't know because that will just fail. All the girls I know who are in relationships with other guys, have known their boyfriends for a couple of months beforehand. The way I see it - a girl should get used to being friends with me anyway because how would we ever get along in a relationship without being friends? Why is it weird to ask out someone you know and are good friends with? I don't understand why I have to be only one or the other to a girl - a friend and not a partner, or vice versa. You make it sound like I should ask out a girl immediately after meeting them before they throw me in the friend-zone - believe me, I tried that once and it doesn't work. I don't know how it could possibly be seen as weird if someone like me wants to become more than friends with a girl. I can't play this tedious game of cat and mouse forever - I will have to give up one day and just accept that, out of hundreds of girls I know (including the 30 or so that rejected me), not one of them thinks I'm relationship material. I don't want it to come to that.


I didn't mean immediately, of course that won't work... But 6 months is long enough to establish a friendship, and if the feeling isn't mutual, they will find it weird.

Nor do I think it's weird to ask a friend out- in fact, I think some of the best relationships develop from friendship. But if you're going to ask a friend out, you need to make sure they're interested in you that way too.. that's when it can get weird.

I wonder whether your problem is that you're asking out girls who you might have feelings for, but you haven't necessarily considered whether they're interested in you in that way too. When one of your friends is interested in you, I believe you can tell- or if you don't, other people can. If you're unsure if they have feelings for you, ask one of your friends what they think- sometimes friends can see the chemistry even more so than the people involved.

I'm sorry if I've not been very clear. But my point is that if they're not showing signs of being interested in you (even the best hiders will show some signs) it's a waste of time asking them out.
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 67
Original post by sophisticated
What????!! Being friends with someone does not mean that you want to be in a relationship with them too! Some girls , me included, are perfectly capable of just being friends with a guy without wanting to screw him. What makes you think these girls are pretending to be friends with you, just because they won't go out with you? This is exactly what I mean. You think that just because a girl is being friendly with you, it should lead to a relationship. This is not true, although obviously it can happen.

As for what you think of yourself, that's fine, but obviously there's a reason why you haven't been successful yet, whether thats your personality or your attitude towards women or the way you look, I don't know. That's not my problem to work out, despite what my username is, and neither is it the problem of all your female friends....it's your problem buddy.


There's no need to be so aggressive. What I mean is that I can't understand why girls only want to be friends with me and nothing more. I never said that being friends with a girl means a guaranteed relationship. Like you, I'm perfectly capable of being just friends with girls, but I want to know why they won't let me move beyond that. What I meant was the fact that I'm friends with so many girls and I've never made any progress beyond friendship - that's all.
Unfortunately, the fact that you don't drink probably does make girls think you're not exciting and fun enough. I don't drink and I find that if I tell people this straight away they assume that i'm boring and innocent and it makes me less attractive, but if they get to know me first and then find out, they're just surprised. This is really awful I know, but even though I don't drink it would slightly put me off if a guy didn't drink. It's incredibly hypocritical, but I find really drunk guys attractive. It sucks that not drinking can make you less attractive but I don't blame people cuz I think that way too. I think it might help if you acted more confident. I just act super confident and lose my inhibitions and most people don't realise I'm not drunk and it helps.
Reply 69
Original post by bananabrain
I didn't mean immediately, of course that won't work... But 6 months is long enough to establish a friendship, and if the feeling isn't mutual, they will find it weird.

Nor do I think it's weird to ask a friend out- in fact, I think some of the best relationships develop from friendship. But if you're going to ask a friend out, you need to make sure they're interested in you that way too.. that's when it can get weird.

I wonder whether your problem is that you're asking out girls who you might have feelings for, but you haven't necessarily considered whether they're interested in you in that way too. When one of your friends is interested in you, I believe you can tell- or if you don't, other people can. If you're unsure if they have feelings for you, ask one of your friends what they think- sometimes friends can see the chemistry even more so than the people involved.

I'm sorry if I've not been very clear. But my point is that if they're not showing signs of being interested in you (even the best hiders will show some signs) it's a waste of time asking them out.


The signs have always been there from every girl I've asked out. Things like chatty girls being shy when I talk to them, finding reasons to hold my hand, complimenting me on my body shape. These are the same girls who rejected me. If the signs were not there then I wouldn't even dream of asking a girl out even if I'm completely attracted to them. My male friends do point out to me if a girl might have feelings for me, and I have asked out some very attractive girls because I had encouragement from my friends - still nothing. I don't know if every girl I've asked out is playing hard to get, or if they enjoy doing this to me. I'm completely persistent - but on a couple of occasions, some girls have even said yes to going out with me and then rejected me at the last minute, before a first date. I've exhausted all the options on how to improve myself, and I've read lots of books on how to ask a girl out - so the problem must be with their attitude to me. As harsh as that sounds, I can't think of any other reason why I'm always being rejected.
Original post by Anonymous
There's no need to be so aggressive. What I mean is that I can't understand why girls only want to be friends with me and nothing more. I never said that being friends with a girl means a guaranteed relationship. Like you, I'm perfectly capable of being just friends with girls, but I want to know why they won't let me move beyond that. What I meant was the fact that I'm friends with so many girls and I've never made any progress beyond friendship - that's all.


Because they don't fancy you. Work on that.

FYI, if you think that's aggression then you have led a very sheltered life my friend.
Original post by hollyhollywood92
Unfortunately, the fact that you don't drink probably does make girls think you're not exciting and fun enough. I don't drink and I find that if I tell people this straight away they assume that i'm boring and innocent and it makes me less attractive, but if they get to know me first and then find out, they're just surprised. This is really awful I know, but even though I don't drink it would slightly put me off if a guy didn't drink. It's incredibly hypocritical, but I find really drunk guys attractive. It sucks that not drinking can make you less attractive but I don't blame people cuz I think that way too. I think it might help if you acted more confident. I just act super confident and lose my inhibitions and most people don't realise I'm not drunk and it helps.


The fact the OP doesn't drink is not the reason he's single :rolleyes:
Original post by Anonymous
I'm perfectly capable of being just friends with girls, but I want to know why they won't let me move beyond that. What I meant was the fact that I'm friends with so many girls and I've never made any progress beyond friendship - that's all.


I guess it's just about having attractive qualities. You can be the nicest person and an amazing friend, but the girl has to be attracted to you. and it's not just about looks, it's things like being funny, being daring, being really talented at something cool, dressing well.
Reply 73
Original post by hollyhollywood92
Unfortunately, the fact that you don't drink probably does make girls think you're not exciting and fun enough. I don't drink and I find that if I tell people this straight away they assume that i'm boring and innocent and it makes me less attractive, but if they get to know me first and then find out, they're just surprised. This is really awful I know, but even though I don't drink it would slightly put me off if a guy didn't drink. It's incredibly hypocritical, but I find really drunk guys attractive. It sucks that not drinking can make you less attractive but I don't blame people cuz I think that way too. I think it might help if you acted more confident. I just act super confident and lose my inhibitions and most people don't realise I'm not drunk and it helps.


Thanks for your advice. It is awful that alcohol is relied on so much - but confidence is definitely not a problem for me. I don't need to act any differently because I am naturally very comfortable with everything about myself, except relationships. Friends have called me crazy and are very surprised that I can get high without drinking. I go out with big groups of friends and socialise regularly. So why girls don't find this attractive unless alcohol is involved, is something I will never understand. I don't drink because of my religion, and that's something I will not compromise on just because all the girls in my life can't understand me for what I am.

On the other hand, if alcohol means so much to every girl I meet then maybe I should just leave the country. :frown:
Original post by hollyhollywood92
I guess it's just about having attractive qualities. You can be the nicest person and an amazing friend, but the girl has to be attracted to you. and it's not just about looks, it's things like being funny, being daring, being really talented at something cool, dressing well.


And about being drunk, apparently :cool: did you forget that one?
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for your advice. It is awful that alcohol is relied on so much - but confidence is definitely not a problem for me. I don't need to act any differently because I am naturally very comfortable with everything about myself, except relationships. Friends have called me crazy and are very surprised that I can get high without drinking. I go out with big groups of friends and socialise regularly. So why girls don't find this attractive unless alcohol is involved, is something I will never understand. I don't drink because of my religion, and that's something I will not compromise on just because all the girls in my life can't understand me for what I am.

On the other hand, if alcohol means so much to every girl I meet then maybe I should just leave the country. :frown:


Oh okay, well there's nothing wrong here then, if you're confident and crazy then not drinking isn't a problem at all.
Reply 76
Original post by sophisticated
Because they don't fancy you. Work on that.

FYI, if you think that's aggression then you have led a very sheltered life my friend.


Excuse me for finding your comments provocative and rude. It's got nothing to do with having a sheltered life or not - if you don't like the way I react to your comments then just don't write anything. No need to insult me, so stop trying to start an argument.

Original post by sophisticated
The fact the OP doesn't drink is not the reason he's single :rolleyes:


What are you hinting at?
Original post by Anonymous
Excuse me for finding your comments provocative and rude. It's got nothing to do with having a sheltered life or not - if you don't like the way I react to your comments then just don't write anything. No need to insult me, so stop trying to start an argument.



What are you hinting at?


Sorry, what insult?

I'm not hinting at anything. I'm saying that her post is ridiculous. Would you reject someone just because they don't go out with the sole aim of getting hammered? Exactly.
Reply 78
Original post by sophisticated
Sorry, what insult?

I'm not hinting at anything. I'm saying that her post is ridiculous. Would you reject someone just because they don't go out with the sole aim of getting hammered? Exactly.


You said I lead a sheltered life. I call that an insult.

Fair enough. You were not hinting at anything.
Original post by Anonymous
You said I lead a sheltered life. I call that an insult.

Fair enough. You were not hinting at anything.


Well you are being a tad oversensitive, as you've just demonstrated, jumping to conclusions about what I am or am not hinting at.

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