[aviatordom]

Hi guys, just looking for a spot of advice on what I should do in my situation, i'm not great with words so bear with me!

For quite a long time (maybe a couple of years if that could be considered as long?) I tend to let myself slip into thinking negative thoughts. The thoughts include falling ill or having an injury as a way of being noticed maybe? (sounds ridiculous, and I feel ridiculous for typing it!).

I have had Epilepsy since 2009 and the condition has ruined all of the dream careers that I had once thought about trying to get into.

Along with this, it has affected my social life a bit at weekends as my condition stops me from being able to drink alcohol, I find it incredibly awkward not being able to drink at a party for example and just relax in the same way as my friends and in general, enjoy myself; hence why I am reluctant to attend a party or go to the pub or go clubbing.

I'm currently at college and have gone from dropping out of an engineering course, a healthcare course to studying a course in aviation operations. The latter being a subject that is also one of my biggest interests. I find the work easy, in theory, yet I can't find any motivation, drive or concentration to do work either in class or at home, when I know that I should be aiming for the highest criteria and easily meeting all the deadlines. Before I started the course, I was passionate that this was the right thing for me to study and couldn't wait to begin. Now, however, it feels like I have slowly detached myself for no apparent reason.

Onto my personal side, people often say that I am handsome and cute, yet I have never asked a girl out because I feel I have very little self confidence and don't know what women would see in me. I feel that being quite introverted and a tiny bit geeky in general would make the girls that I like not interested in dating me at all. I think another thing here, is that I can't decide if i'm happy enough being single; waiting for the right one to come along or whether there is secretly a big void/piece of loneliness in my life that it is getting bigger and bigger, and if filled, would make me a much happier person because I would be in a relationship.

Photography is a big part of my life and whilst I nearly always find myself reading about the subject or travelling to London on my days off to photograph, I rarely look at one my photos and think "I am really proud of that!".

I would love to take it further, but I feel like I always be mediocre about the subject as I am not massively creative and I know that it's a career that is become increasingly difficult to become extremely successful in.


I can't work out if all of this is a basis for being depressed or not, I feel scared about going to a Dr. to be told something I do not want to hear and coming to terms with accepting that I have anxiety or depression or something like that, and eventually having to tell my parents who I know would be supportive but I don't want to see them stressed about it. :/

Any suggestions TSRs? Any help is appreciated!

[fire2burn]

Bump as this was stuck in the queue for a while

[superwolf]

Sorry to hear your epilepsy's getting in the way of your life so much.

The loss of motivation and concentration with your studies could be a sign of depression (although that could be caused by other stuff too, as I'm sure you've worked out), and also what sounds like low self-esteem, but you haven't really mentioned that many other potential symptoms - I'd have a look at this NHS list and see if you recognise any of the symptoms in yourself.

I think there's good reason to go to the doctor and get things checked out, as you're clearly not happy with the changes you've seen in yourself, and from what you've written it does seem like you might have some problems with self-esteem or something of the kind, and your doctor will be able to check you out for stuff like anxiety or depression. You could also ask if you could be referred on to anyone who could help you manage your epilepsy better (might also be an idea to talk to your college about this and see if they can help with stuff too).

With the photography - my sister's an illustrator and I'm afraid every time she finishes a picture, no matter how good it is she soon decides it's crap, so possibly it's just an artistic trait.

[acecoffee]

hello ,
like superwolf said , loss of motivation,interest and concentration could be a sign of depression.

however . you have show one of a classic sign of BPD
when you say you wanted the attention and even think of falling ill or injury to gain attention and been thinking like this for a very long time , it is often a classic sign of bpd where people have self-induce illness or injury to cause attention although not everyone do so .

problem with self image and loneliness is also a symptom of BPD ,BUT it overlap with depression

i m almost certain you dont have bpd as you have not suggested any sign of impulsive act or fear of abandoment or emotionally unstability .

BPD is often related into other mental illness.and it is often disgnosis after a very long period of time .

i think what is best to do right now is to go see your gp and discuss it further with him ,if he feel that it is needed , he might refer you into a psychiarist team for further help. only a doctor with experience could know