[anilkumar]

This is a really hard thing to do, as I'm not the best at opening up to people. Infact yesterday was the first time I actually just told people how I was feeling.
The thing I'm looking for here is some advice on what to do.

I'm 16 years old, and I'm in a position where I don't know what's wrong with me.
For the past few weeks now, maybe a few months I don't really remember since when, I've been having spells of feeling really really depressed, to feeling fine and happy a short while after. The short while varies, sometimes its hours, sometimes its a day or two. When I say feeling fine, I mean just normal. I'm surrounded by my friends and loved ones and I feel happy, and just like normal me. But then when I'm on a low, nothing triggers them, they just happen. And when they do happen, I find myself just hating everything, hating life, not having effort to do things, and I just leave the house and go as far as I can. So far to the point that I get lost and have to call my parents to get me and find me somehow.

As I'm writing this I'm feeling on a bit of a low, not as sad as I am sometimes, but definitely feeling down. I'm not sure what to do though. After talking to my parents, they're instantly assuming somethings triggered this, as they respond with what didnt we give you, did we put too much pressure on you for exams, and they're blaming themselves and making me feel really guilty for feeling like I do. But honestly nothings triggered it, and I don't know then how to talk to them about it without them feeling like that, even though I've told them constant times it's not them.

The worst part is when I'm on a low I just feel so alone and isolated, and I become desperate just for attention I guess, and subsequently end up hurting everybody that means something to me, and I hate it and just want it to stop :/

Sorry for the long post

[livefires]

First of all, well done for taking that first step and talking to someone about how you're feeling. Try not to let the questions that your parents are asking you get to you, they're just trying to understand how you're feeling, they're not trying to make you feel guilty. Mental health issues are very hard on parents because they want to wave a magic wand and make you feel better but they're no more capable of that than you are.

If you feel able to, I would recommend going to see your doctor as well. They'll be able to help you better than anyone who doesn't know you online will and may refer you to counselling if they think it might help. And remember, when you're on a low and feeling isolated, there are helplines that you can call and just get things off your chest. They may help when you're desperate for attention. The Samaritans are there 24/7 and YoungMinds might be helpful as well, although I have no personal experience with them.

Just remember, you're not alone, you're not "wrong", you shouldn't feel guilty for feeling the way you do. Everyone has low periods, some of us just have longer low periods or deeper lows when we get there.