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feel hopeless

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    basically me and my girlfriend are in the process of breaking up as we are constantly arguing and her flirting with other guys is becoming too much for me to handle. This was my first serious relationship, seeing each other for 10 months and going out for 6, and i'm currently feeling really downhearted and worrying that i'll end up alone as when I was single before this relationship I talked to very few girls and I'm useless at 'pulling' on nights out.

    I'm 19 (20 in November) and although i know i'm still young, i feel as though i'm starting to mature and want to find a girl and settle down like everyone else at some point. I live in a small village when home from university, where there are few people in total, never mind an array of girls to meet, and I don't have a car to go to other places so rely upon my friends for lifts. All of my good friends are in relationships with girls they've been with for a year or 2 and their relationships seem to be running smoothly, which makes me jealous and regretful that mine didn't turn out the same.

    When I read up on how most people met their future spouses, it seems that a majority of them were at school or university and i can't see this being the case with me as bar this relationship i wasn't romantically involved with anyone at my school/6th form. I'm changing University courses next year and having a fresh start due to hating my course this year, however this year i've literally talked to no girls so i can't see how i'll find anyone through here either.

    Anyone else ever felt like this after a breakup and worried that they're going to be alone forever? what makes it worse is that my girlfriend is very attractive and has already had boys trying to hook up with her even when she was with me so she's going to inevitably move on really quickly which is probably going to leave me feeling even worse and alone
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    So many people stay together for fear of being alone, or not being able to match the rose tinted relationship they have left behind, and it isnt a good enough reason. I can totally relate to the feeling of wanting something a bit more proper, and uni seems like the obvious place to find it but that doesnt have to be the case. Pulling on nights out isn't the only way to find someone, its meaningless. As you get older the girls around you will start to also want to settle down a bit more, which means they look for something away from a fit bloke to pull when they're out. Take the pressure off yourself, work hard on your own life, developing who you are and with your new course and you will feel much more secure about where you are in life, a feeling that relationships often follow on from.
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    i appreciate what you're saying and it makes a lot of sense. It's just strange as before this relationship I was never bothered about having one at all, even when my friends were in them, as i was perfectly content on my own but this seems to have changed now. It just worries me that most people i talk to seem to have met their wife/husband at school or university but from what i've seen of university it would be fairly difficult for me to find a girl through here and what if the job i do when i'm older doesn't even involve any women, i just can't see how i'd meet anyone.

    i've been in halls this year and haven't really socialised with many girls and can't see how i will over the next 3 years barring my course. I know I think too far ahead but feeling lonely and like it's never going to change is a horrible feeling.
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    You only want to settle down through fear of being alone.
    Is she 'really' the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

    This is a quote from a motivational post I found a while back on the PUA forum, and while it may seem harsh its message is true and valid.

    Never settle

    We all want the best, but we don't all get it. People settle for less.
    Sometimes you might get a girl into you, you think she's pretty good. But she's lacking some traits that you want in a girl.
    Who cares, you're getting laid right? Wrong.
    You think this won't affect you and how you view yourself? You're gonna start believing that you can't do better, are you're just too lazy to even try.

    Keep on searching for the women that will make you feel something. The women that will make you feel alive.
    The Women that will make you laugh, cry, live. That's what this is about.
    (Original post by ivancampo)
    what if the job i do when i'm older doesn't even involve any women, i just can't see how i'd meet anyone.
    So do stuff and meet people! Go out with friends, and if you look like you live an enjoyable, fun lifestyle then girls naturally want to integrate themselves into it.
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    no she isn't the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. Yes i agree with that message and as shallow as it sounds i know a lot of guys stay in relationships for the guarantee of getting laid and nothing else. My girlfriend is only 17 and will be going off to uni where i don't think it would work as i know she's a massive flirt and it would drive me insane with worry.

    My friends at university seem quite unambitious in terms of doing things though and all my friends from home are in serious relationships so i just feel like i'm in between a rock and a hard place. Going at the world alone next year again and not knowing whether i'll ever meet anyone else is a scary thought.
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    You never see someone in their 40's that just never found anyone
    It's like if a kid's a slow walker, parents always worry and panic that they'll never learn. But no one's ever heard of a teenager that never learned to walk.

    If your friends are boring, make new friends.
    I'm not saying just ditch your old ones, but take up something like a martial art or other kind of class that interests you and meet new people.
    Guys with a passion about something (some kind of hobby, as long as it's not something like stamps or trains), and/or guys with busy lifestyles are automatically more attractive to women
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    (Original post by ivancampo)
    basically me and my girlfriend are in the process of breaking up as we are constantly arguing and her flirting with other guys is becoming too much for me to handle. This was my first serious relationship, seeing each other for 10 months and going out for 6, and i'm currently feeling really downhearted and worrying that i'll end up alone as when I was single before this relationship I talked to very few girls and I'm useless at 'pulling' on nights out.

    I'm 19 (20 in November) and although i know i'm still young, i feel as though i'm starting to mature and want to find a girl and settle down like everyone else at some point.
    Son, what I am about to tell you should stay with you till you'r ein your mid 20s.

    It is a good thing that you are breaking up with a girl who see's no problem in flirting with other guys. I wouldn't doubt that she has kissed other guys either.

    Why do you see her as anything but ex material? She has shown her true colours and at the age of 19, it is something you do not need as you're still learning about women.

    You are 19 going on 20 and this is no age to settle down. That is asking for trouble! Learn what women you really like and find an interesting, attractive woman when you are older.

    Get hobbies and be with your mates but by no means do you settle down before you hit 25/26.

    Im in my late 20s so trust me on this.
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    I don't mean to sound patronising, but seriously you are 19 years old and you WILL meet other girls be positive OP!
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    it's just hard at the minute because i feel really lonely and literally talk to no girls now i'm not with my girlfriend whilst she's clearly bombarded with interest from other boys.

    Everyone is looking forward to being at home from uni over summer for 4 months but i live in a really quiet area and all my friends are in serious relationships so i have nobody to do anything with which is just going to leave me feeling even worse.

    i just can't see how things will be different next year and i can't see how i'm going to meet anyone else. When i get back to university next year i'm going to be basically 20 and i'm useless at talking to girls at the best of times and when i do i just seem to end up in the friend zone, i'm surprised i even found myself in the relationship i've just come out of. I don't want to settle down till my mid-late 20's but it's not like i'm going to get to my late 20's and magically find a perfect woman who likes me and wants to be with me, at the minute everything just seems pretty bleak and i can't see how they're going to improve.

    Feeling lonely is horrible, i know i shouldn't feel sorry for myself but i can't help it at the minute. A lot of people end one relationship and often jump into another a few months down the line but that's not going to happen to me and it's hard having a taste of a good relationship but knowing i may never find one again
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    feel so crap right now, she's already moved on and i'm sat about feeling depressed all the time. I just don't know how i'm going to build my confidence back up and make myself attractive to girls next year at University, i feel like my romantic life could be over at the age of 19.

    The break up has left a huge gap in my life where i'd usually be texting/talking to her or going to see her and i feel like the only way this could be filled is with another girl but i don't talk to any so this isn't an option. Feel really low at the minute.
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    I think you're focusing way too much on finding someone. Yeah. It sucks that she's moved on but you're simply going to have to get over it, no matter how hard it seems.

    You need to find things in your life that don't involve romantic relations which you can truly enjoy. Because - you know - you can't rely on anyone for your happiness other than yourself.

    So find some other means to happiness and I'm sure you'll forget all about her.
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    it's just hard to fill the gap the break up has left in my life but you're right, i probably need to man up and get on with things. I just can't help but worry and over think that no one else will come around but i have another 3 years at uni after this so i suppose anything could happen in that time.
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    I am going through the exact same thing right now. It hurts like hell and it is depressing. But I'm going to try and focus on my life rather than thinking about meeting someone. I will meet someone when the time is right
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    it's just horrible.

    Before University I had no worries about anything like this but now i know that finding someone to be with is difficult and although people say things such as 'you'll meet someone when the time is right' 'there's someone out there for you' it's hard to see this happening at the minute.

    I just think too far ahead, what if i meet no one at university then don't meet anyone at work, then what? Very daunting thought, although these thoughts often come as a result of my anxiety issues things just seem bleak at the minute.
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    Dude, I've been going through the exact same thoughts that you have. You have to realise that there is more to life than having a girlfriend.

    Imagine waking up every morning feeling awesome simply because you have things in your life that make you happy which aren't tied to any specific person.

    That's what you need to focus on achieving.
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    yeah there is more to life than having a girlfriend but it just sucks that i'm going to be home for 4 months without a girlfriend, all my friends have girlfriends they're spending time with so i can't even hang around with them.

    I live in a very remote place where there are 0 other girls about that are my age and single, i have no car and nothing to look forward to on weekends because no one goes out. Everyone else looks forward to going home for the summer and seem to have fantastic social lives where as mine is non existent when i'm back home.
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    I understand that as I'm in the same boat. I just fill my time with hobbies which I enjoy, things that I'm passionate about. Then I'm perfectly content.
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    yeah, true. Think i'll probably get back to the gym and try and learn guitar to pass the time.

    The thing that's bugging me is when my minds running wild, i google things such as 'age you met your spouse' out of curiosity and it seems that most of them met at 16-20 but obviously this isn't going to be the case for me. Or through friends of friends but with living in such a remote area i can't see this happening. I just feel so panicked that i'm not going to find anyone and have missed my chance.
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    Well, that might be the case for a lot of people but obviously not you or me. :P Regardless, you're still young and have your whole life ahead of you so you haven't missed your chance by any means.
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    yep this is true, but even at university i hardly talk to any girls and i can't pull on nights out or anything like that so i just can't see how anything is ever going to fall in place for me. Seems like the chances of me meeting someone are decreasing as the years go by. Next year i think i'm going to try and go out more and get some kind of job in the city to keep me occupied, who knows i might meet someone through that but i'm not counting on it.

    at the moment i seem resigned to getting to about 27/28 and being single on dating websites whilst all my friends are married and settling down.

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Updated: May 17, 2012
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