[Anonymous]

I'd want to see how much of a role have your parents got in your life - don't have any idea about it, know what's going on but don't really interfere, give you regular advice but that's it? Or do they try to control aspects of your life such as education, love, career, friends?
My parents pushed me into studying a degree I didn't want to, because of the "fabulous job prospects" it had. Luckily I actually came to enjoy my degree now (by the end of the academic year, finally) but would like to transfer to a degree within the same course, just a bit less workload as I'm finding it really hard and don't enjoy one of the modules at all! Many people from my course have done it without really discussing it with parents as they say it's their life and they should decide what to study. With me, however, things are a bit different - my mum and dad think they know so much better than me and won't let me change my degree. They say the one I'm doing will give me better career opportunities etc etc.. When I try to talk to them they either just say "No" or avoid the topic. Last time I tried to be more persistent they told me "we will discuss it when you get home". What is there to discuss? It's ME who's doing this degree!
I also have a boyfriend back at home who my mum make everyone understand she doesn't like. She says I deserved something better, that nothing would work out between us because we don't have much in common, often makes fun of him and is quite rude towards him. We've been talking about him coming to live here with me but I'm scared that if I tell my parents they will get so frustrated and depressed they won't live through it!
And so on, and so on.. they are telling me what I have to do this summer, what I should work, what I should study.
Bottom line: To what extent do your parents take part in different aspects of your life, do you think this is normal ?

[ELs123]

pick one, the life you want to live. Or the life your parents want you to live.


Your 20 and are an adult, parents can no longer pick and choose your lifestyle like your a kid, its up to you. Tell them you want more independence and they should have less say in your life. They can be there for advice but you don't have to take everything they say as a rule.

if you are living in their home it should come to a compromise though, if you move out then you can do as you wish.

Me personally, i was basically forced into a levels, not wanting to do it but doing it because I was told to. Ended up dropping out coz i was unhappy. depressed, bad relationship with family, no career aspects. year of my life gone for no reason.

Now I have chosen my own course, doing well, going to uni this year to study something I am interested in. My parents may not be exactly pleased with the path I have chosen but everyone is happier now.

[ioNonSono]

As long as they pay for your food, cloth and home. They have every right to interfere, I think. Get a job and move.... ?!

[kat91s]

I'm also 20. My parents don't interfere at all. I speak to them once a week, so they know what I'm generally up to, but they very rarely step in, and when they do it's only with advice rather than what I would call interfering.

I think at this age, it's counter-productive for parents to tell you what to do, however they should be there for you if you need them. You should be making your own decisions, and they can only be there to support you.

[Guy Secretan]

In 25 and my parents still tell me what to do so count your chickens. Although I think most paremts by 18 take a step back so this is atypical and probably damages you. Also what degree do you study.

[Mr.Zen]

I think that at the age of 20 you gotta do you man. Don't live your life around other people's expectations. If they provide you with a roof over your head, food, etc, then you do have to come to a compromise, but even then, just save up some cash and then move out bro.

[Anonymous]

I'm probably not the best person to ask. Normally I'm very reasonable person - though when it comes to others try to influence my life, or betray me - I end up occasionally react disproportionally.

Before the start of 2nd year of uni the parents asked me to shut my business, to focus on study, I refused outright knowing the significance of business to my future. At the height of argument mother threatened to cut me off. Having always been independent this angered me unforgivably, both by a sense of betrayal by them, and by my helplessness in being financially dependence on them.

So retaliate & hung-up the phone, and disowning them in effect. In January I changed my name to reshape myself as my own man. Not looked back since. Been working hard taking job after job, met awesome people, and in few years time I'm going to make it - on my own surrounded by people who I care about.

[Anonymous]

I certainly don't live under their roof literally, but they do pay for my education, which is basically why I believe they should have some say in most things (but not my private life ie who I should date, who is good enough for me and who I have a future with... or not) By the time I know it they will be telling me how much kids "it's best" to have!
Yet, all other students I know get payed for their education housing etc by their parents too and still they have a lot more freedom than me to choose what to study and where to live..
I feel like they have made it like "We'll be paying for your university life these 4 years but then you have to follow our advice as to practically everything that's going on in your life"

[Anonymous]

I'm just so jealous of people around me, seeing how they do whatever they feel is best for them - many of them drop out to find something they really love doing, change to different degrees, take gap years, travel, work whatever they want to work (mine didn't let me work when I was younger because the jobs I wanted and that were available weren't good enough for me - I was 16...) to earn their own money and basically live their own lives. I could never imagine just announcing one day to my parents "You know what, I want to drop out of uni and do this this and this" - this is never going to happen!

[Aconcernedparent]

I know your feeling as my parents are quite involved as well and do have many opinions. However, they don't pay for anything. I came to inheritance early, which means I have more than most 20 year olds, but I still have a student loan which will be hell to pay back. They are aware of this, which is probably why they don't demand to see my grades or anything like that.
I've always been a rather 'good girl' though. I've never been mixed in with bad people, never tried drugs, never smoked, never been drinking/partied excessively, always had good grades. I want to do well with my studies for my own sake. So when they DO have complaints, like me failing to get back to them through phone/email or they think I spend too much (of my own money), it upsets me. I do so many things right and looking at the problems other families have, I think they should count themselves lucky.
Overall, I'm very fortunate as I do as I please these days. I can take a weekend in Paris or Rome without telling them, which I often do. But in the end I care a LOT about their opinion of me, perhaps too much, and I basically always take their advice / apologize if they think I'm in the wrong.

Although parents' interfering is annoying, we have to admit that they know us better than anyone. My sister has been dating and sleeping around a LOT, and brought quite a bit of boyfriends home. The last one lasted 4 years. My sister has always had low standards, which we've all seen, but never talked about. Yet my mother was clear on not liking this one. He was an utter slob, unappreciative and at the time she was with him, her life overall decreased in quality. She was 'in love' and she is very much a slave to her emotions and unable to see the big picture. In the end they broke up, and now that she's back to her normal self, she is angry that she stayed with him for so long and 'wasted 4 years'. As annoying as it is, she wishes she took her family's advice, and got rid of him sooner.

You have to weigh up how much they give you to what they demand. I understand it's somewhat difficult as they pay for your education - you pretty much owe them to do as well with it as you can. But still, I suggest you talk to them about it. Tell it like it is - you feel bad because you feel 'trapped' when they pay for you, but that doesn't give them the right to steer your life in a certain direction. Do you work? If you have a part-time job and earn some money on the side, you'll prove to yourself and them that you're capable of taking care of things to an extent, and you gain a little bit of freedom (to do holidays, at least).
I know how you're feeling, because even though I've lived abroad and far away from my parents for the last 3 years, I'm still in that eternal search for 'freedom'.

[Sommerfugl]

they may be the ones paying for your education, but youre the one who have to live with that career maybe for the rest of your life. And they certainly cannot tell you who you are supposed to date, you dont even live at home! If my parents tried to control me like that I wouldnt talk to them, its so selfish of them imo. As your parents they should support you in whatever makes YOU happy.

[tehFrance]

My father doesn't interfere at all... he just makes sure I get money to live on for the month and encourages me to go out partying rather than do exams as according to him, I will be running the family business (which I will as it is my duty to keep it going for my child to take over) anyway so may as well make friends at university than go do well

[Flyer8]

(Original post by tehFrance)
My father doesn't interfere at all... he just makes sure I get money to live on for the month and encourages me to go out partying rather than do exams as according to him, I will be running the family business (which I will as it is my duty to keep it going for my child to take over) anyway so may as well make friends at university than go do well

Looks like you're pretty much sorted.

[StartSomething]

My parents don't interfere, but they guide me. (I'm 21)
I chose what I wanted to study at school and where I went to college. I chose what to study at uni, and where, although I asked for my parents advice. I had a boyfriend who I lived with and my parents didn't interfere with this. When we broke up my Mum was so supportive and gave me good advice. When I went on holiday with this ex, they didn't say a word. I choose who I make friends with. I choose where I live.
At the end of the day it's my life so I will make my own decisions. My parents would never stop me from doing something I wanted to go. I am currently in my second year at uni and if I told my Mum I wanted to change course or leave she would probably try and persuade me not to, but she would also say do what makes you happy.

You are 20 years old. You are an adult. You can do what you like! Don't let your parents stop you from doing what YOU want to do!!

[Dubs_ski]

Pretty sure OP must be Asian...

[Sphipsta]

(Original post by ioNonSono)
As long as they pay for your food, cloth and home. They have every right to interfere, I think. Get a job and move.... ?!

When in that did she say that her parents did, however in spite of this I do agree with your view, however the situation the OP is in i think is different.

The stuff with her boyfriend, maybe her parents are trying to protect her, but what they are doing is wrong. You need a chance to make your own mistakes in life, not saying it will be a mistake.

Tell your parents it's your life and you are going to start living it.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Dubs_ski)
Pretty sure OP must be Asian...

LOL I'm definitely not Asian, there are parents like this in Europe as well