[Anonymous]

Just started seeing this new guy...probably about 5 weeks in and I really really like him. But sex hasn't exactly been smooth going.
Basically the first time we had sex I enjoyed how long he lasted but then started to get sore like 'is he ever going to come?!'
I think I'm just used to guys always coming, I've never had sex and a guy hasn't come.
We talked about it and he said it's just really difficult to make him come. He says sex and blowjobs and handjobs from me all feel really good but it would take 1hr - 1hr 30 mins plus probably to get him close.
It frustrates me.
I don't know what to do, I don't think that I'm inexperienced enough not to be good at making a guy feel good...
I asked him if he ever comes and he said he can on his own and has done a couple of times with girls ever but thats all.

[unprinted]

You are making him feel good, you're only not helping him ejaculate!

From what you've said, he has not had loads of partner sex. He will be very, very used to the feelings he gets when he masturbates himself and it takes time to transfer to the very different sensations he's getting with you.

In the meantime, when you stop enjoying intercourse, let him know. (Nicely, as in 'I'd love you to..') If he knew you weren't enjoying it, I bet he'd feel bad and that's not going to help with this.

You know he can come when he masturbates - can he come when he masturbates with you around? Not only do you get to see what he does (probably involving a very firm grip and very rapid action) but you can also get involved via playing with other bits of him.

Oh, yes, nice that helping someone else orgasm is, are you enjoying what's happening otherwise?

[magicman1]

Tell him that the hand and pussy are two very different things and he needs to learn how to make himself cum.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the exact same position! I've been with my guy for 4 months and he can't either! It does get frustrating sometimes, I really want to know that he's enjoying it. He was a virgin when we met and I know he can do it when he is on his own. Next time I am going to suggest that he does it infront of me and try to work from there I think that's a good idea

[Drunk Punx]

(Original post by magicman1)
Tell him that the hand and pussy are two very different things and he needs to learn how to make himself cum.

Tell that to a woman and you'll be back to using your hand for the rest of your life

It's a good point though.

[ALazyThracian]

Delayed Ejaculation

Its not YOUR fault its a condition he has got to used to his own feeling that anything else doesn't really stimulate him.

Tell him not to masturbate for 5-7 days then have sex, do this for a while and gradually lower the days.

[Anonymous]

Make out that you seriously want to do all this stuff to him. Tell him you want his cum when he's getting close or while you're doing whatever to him. Vocalise, moan, pant etc.

I do this and I find it helps when he gets close if he knows/thinks I'm really into it too. It might especially help now as he sounds under pressure to cum now, which can't really help him :\

Anon or delete (sorry if it's considered as sex tips)

[aftrglw]

There could be any number of reasons why he's having trouble, and unfortunately there is only so much you can do. If he's used to having sex w/o condoms, then sex with condoms becomes almost a chore; if he masturbates too often, he'll be less sensitive and aroused when you're together; if he went a bit overboard on pornography, he could be somewhat emotionally and sexually desensitized (doesn't happen to most guys, but apparently it does happen occasionally); he may be really nervous...

Telling him to stay away from himself (if you get my drift) for a week as another poster suggested is a good start. If you trust him and you've been using condoms you could switch to birth control, which will feel better for both of you. You could try and find out what turns him on and cater to that, or just overall turn up the sexiness and kinkiness a bit: talk dirty to him, do it somewhere exciting (but not illegal), dress up, take pictures... mental stimulation can really make all the difference in the world, and I would reckon is more important than physical. If the sex is boring or he thinks you're not enjoying it a guy can last ages, if it is hot and a little bit dirty it can get really hard to make it last really quick. Ultimately though, if he's stressing himself out in his head or if you just don't 'light his fire' (I know that sounds harsh but it could be for any number of reasons), there's not much you can do. You should definitely try to solve it though because if you can't, things will just get worse...

[Pen Island]

I'm hardly an expert but I have some ideas after going through a similar thing...
Make sure there's enough foreplay? Tease, have fun, don't jump right into it, make sure things are sexy, the mood is right, make sure you're both up for it.
Communication is probably key - ask him what he wants you to do (dirty talk, positions, mouth technique etc) - make it sexy, whisper etc.
Maybe try mutual masterbation - you can watch his hand technique when he makes himself come and then you can do the same (and he might learn something about you too ).
Don't pressure him and keep trying - make sure he's comfortable, talk through it and try different things.

[magicman1]

(Original post by Drunk Punx)
Tell that to a woman and you'll be back to using your hand for the rest of your life

It's a good point though.

I teach women about how I get off, not how they think they can get me off.

Most women dont know a thing about a mans penis except "put your mouth round it". They're not born pros and the sooner you learn how to show a girl what you like and how you like it, the better.

[Alpharius]

Hell, at least its not a 90 second job...

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Alpharius)
Hell, at least its not a 90 second job...

After experiencing someone who never came from anything apart from his right hand, I would say I definitely would have preferred 90 seconds. No question about it! It was the most frustrating thing ever and it made sex tiring & basically pointless (I can't come from sex either). Sex ended when one or the other of us was like 'shall we stop now'?

[aftrglw]

(Original post by Anonymous)
After experiencing someone who never came from anything apart from his right hand, I would say I definitely would have preferred 90 seconds. No question about it! It was the most frustrating thing ever and it made sex tiring & basically pointless (I can't come from sex either). Sex ended when one or the other of us was like 'shall we stop now'?

This is probably the second most depressing thing I've ever heard... Can't trump the holocaust, of course.

[LemurDude]

Both need to relax. I had the same problem for the first few weeks of my relationship.

[jam277]

Relax and don't pressure him.

[Anonymous]

It's already been said, but it sounds like delayed ejaculation. It's frustrating for both of you, but the important thing is that you know that even though he's not cumming, he's still having a great time. Speaking from experience (I have it too), it still feels really good, but it's just very difficult to cum. There are quite a lot of different causes for it, but the most common one is excessive masturbation. If it really bothers you, there are certain things you can do. If he masturbates regularly, tell him to cut down for a while, and then have sex after a few days or a week or so. I find it's far easier to cum in a position where I can strongly tense my legs, so maybe suggest this to him. The easiest I find is cowgirl, though there are plenty of others. The leg tensing is important though. Most importantly though, don't let it affect your self esteem or anything, cos it's not that you're bad or he doesn't find you attractive, he just needs to train himself a bit to be able to.

[yothi5]

Tell him he needs to go faster to make himself cum..as sick as this is/sounds.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by aftrglw)
This is probably the second most depressing thing I've ever heard... Can't trump the holocaust, of course.

Haha yeah it was grim. I love sex, despite not being about to quite reach that peak... being more of a giver I was always trying everything to get him there and it was just futile... 2 hours of continual sex when no one's getting anywhere is not enjoyable!

Now I'm with a great guy who doesn't have that problem and the sex is fantastic so

[djshine88]

I had a one night stand with this girl once before - and didn't come the entire night even after about 20 minutes of handjobs and 1hr and 30m of sex. I don't know why.

Generally that night - i thought it was meant to be nervous-ness made you come early instead of delayed it.


The best thing i can advise you to do is make yourself EXTREMELY irresistible. I remember times when i didn't touch myself for about 5-7 days, and then as soon as i saw my fiancee - she would be dressed in stockings and i couldn't take it anymore that it wouldn't last longer than 10 minutes.

I hope this helps you.

[Anonymous]

Hey, I'm back with some good news!! We had sex and he came. It wasn't a massively long session, I guess like 20-25 mins and he said he hadn't masturbated in like 4 or 5 days and it helped.
I'm so pleased lol. I feel like we're more normal now even though I won't expect it every time.
Thanks for all your advice