[Anonymous]

Sorry - this is extremely long. I need advice on whether to move schools. I'm in Year 9 and starting GCSEs in September (I'd be moving for the start of Year 10). I know that wherever I go then I'll have to stay for two years.*
Basically I don't make friends easily, find social situations difficult and it seems that nobody likes me. I'm also a bit geeky but have some normal interests. A while ago the friends I'd had since primary school (I never really felt part of their group) made it more obvious in what they said and did that they didn't want me going around with them; nothing harsh - but starting to arrange meeting up in front of me instead of hiding it and then sitting miles away from me on the school bus or asking if another friend could switch seats with me because 'I don't talk much'. I got really offended by this even though I already knew they didn't like me. I ended up in a bad place.*
I moved on from that and decided I was better off without them. For a while I went around with a variety of people at school (I hadn't got to know people at high school much because I felt criticised for everything I said) and they subtly pushed me away.*
I made friends with a new girl but she got bored with me and moved on. I made friends with another group but I think the same is happening as it did with the primary school people, e.g. constantly talking about one's party when I'm there (these people haven't been friends for long). There's nobody else I could be friends with in our year group and people think I'm a loner anyway.*
So... should I move schools even though I love the school I'm at except for the social situation?
The school I'd go to has 350 in a year (the one I'm at has 270) and unlike where I am only starts in Year 9.*
Also, how would I justify moving to my mum who knows very little of the above?

[Aoide]

I would suggest that you don't. I don't mean to be negative but you have no reason to think the new school will be any different and it isn't worth risking your education. It is easy to fixatre on the idea that the problem is the people at your school but most schools have the same range of people. You may find it hard now but imagine what it would be like with the added pressure of being new to a school where everyone already knows each others. I've seen family friends do the same thing as they were certain they would fit in better but in the end they just ended up in the same position but with the added stress of moving schools.

[foolscap]

Yeah, as Aoide pointed out don't fall into the trap of "the grass is always greener", changing schools might help but it might also put you in a worse situation. I'd suggest getting some work on your social skills, ask your mum for help and maybe see a specialist if you think it's that extreme.

[fimblesocks]

I would suggest move - You can start afresh with no pre-judgements made on you.

Although it may be just as hard, at least you have the chance to go and meet some new people and make new friends that have no 'bad' ideas about you. As the new school starts in year 9 the friendships are not established for long periods of time..

I did it for A Level for a variety of reasons and the move has been one of the best things that ever happened to me, despite 14 year long friendships that I had to try and 'break into'

It could go either way, but if you don't like the school you are at now you will face just the same going back in September.

Talk to your mum!

[apolocreed]

In year 9 I moved schools and got bullied for 96months, made little to no friends and just left. The grass was greener for me. My problem was coming halfway through the year, and 13 year olds like to impost authority and blah. There's always the chance some more new people will come and you could get on with them, but sometimes a new start is a good thing, especially if everyone is in the same boat as you.
Just dont try to hard, it's always a tad annoying, and make conversation (dont ask questions all the time)...and don't do the dreaded, 'so what music do you like', I can honestly say when asked that I usually try and get out quick.
Good luck with whatever you choose, and just keep sticking at it

[plimsolls]

I hate to say it, but you really need to work on your social skills. There's being yourself, but then if you literally contribute nothing to social interaction, you need to think about changing yourself (if you want friends).

I know how you feel somewhat op because I am not big on small talk either. I'm a pretty extreme introvert, depending on your perspective, and other people don't always interest me enough for me to make the effort, but if you want friendships you really have to (make the effort to) appear interested so people feel they have a connection and will want to maintain the relationship.

In conclusion i don't think moving schools will help unless you work on yourself first.

[youjennatsix]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry - this is extremely long. I need advice on whether to move schools. I'm in Year 9 and starting GCSEs in September (I'd be moving for the start of Year 10). I know that wherever I go then I'll have to stay for two years.*
Basically I don't make friends easily, find social situations difficult and it seems that nobody likes me. I'm also a bit geeky but have some normal interests. A while ago the friends I'd had since primary school (I never really felt part of their group) made it more obvious in what they said and did that they didn't want me going around with them; nothing harsh - but starting to arrange meeting up in front of me instead of hiding it and then sitting miles away from me on the school bus or asking if another friend could switch seats with me because 'I don't talk much'. I got really offended by this even though I already knew they didn't like me. I ended up in a bad place.*
I moved on from that and decided I was better off without them. For a while I went around with a variety of people at school (I hadn't got to know people at high school much because I felt criticised for everything I said) and they subtly pushed me away.*
I made friends with a new girl but she got bored with me and moved on. I made friends with another group but I think the same is happening as it did with the primary school people, e.g. constantly talking about one's party when I'm there (these people haven't been friends for long). There's nobody else I could be friends with in our year group and people think I'm a loner anyway.*
So... should I move schools even though I love the school I'm at except for the social situation?
The school I'd go to has 350 in a year (the one I'm at has 270) and unlike where I am only starts in Year 9.*
Also, how would I justify moving to my mum who knows very little of the above?

Hello Anonymous,

I'm really sorry to hear that you feel pushed out at the moment, I know the following seems a little bit 'typical', but there are plenty of other people who have been/are/will be in your position in their lives.

Firstly, it's their problem, not yours, so don't feel like you have to change yourself for anyone. There are introverted people, and there are extroverted people and unfortunately (some) children can be cruel when not realising the difference between these two. These children will become adults one day and will act like they never pushed you out, 'subtly' or other means, this is because they often don't realise they were wrong, may have forgotten or were simply just too immature.

In terms of whether you should or should not move, I would reiterate what others have said in this thread: talk to your mother. Although I ask you not to change yourself, you could work on some social skills (maybe via youth groups etc.) and then use these in practice at school. If you are still not sure about moving, you could ask for a trial day at the school and see how it goes, from there you may have an idea whether you want to move or not.

Good luck, post back and again: you aren't alone!

[Anonymous]

Thank you all very much! I'm going to stay at my current school unless anything changes drastically