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Still A Virgin At 25 - Time For An Escort??

Right guys I'm a bit embaressed talking about this but I feel I have to because it bothers me an awful lot.

I don't go out an awful lot, infact at all. I suffered from a lot of social problems when I was younger, I was so painfully shy around 16-22 that it hindered my ability to make friends, particularly at university. I never made the effort to try to address it so all I did was become a social recluse.

I recently did badly in my postgraduate exams (telecommunications msc) and attempted suicide, my brother returned from class early to prevent me however. I feel such a massive failure both socially and academically, and for the first time in my life I've decided to seek councilling to solve this, been to a gp and on anti-depressants. I've been requested for long term therapy, because they believe it might take me a long time to sort me out as its gone on for so long.

I feel such a massive failure both socially and academically. I feel tired of being me/failure and thus questioned whether or not I want to live anymore because the pain is becoming too great (hence why I was suicidal at that time).

One of the things that bothers me is that I've never had a girlfriend (not suprising), and that I'm still a virgin. Now this isn't because of the way I look, heck I could look like brad pitt/tom cruise and would still be a virgin because I'm such a social recluse and chose to be this way.

I'm quite a fit guy, go to the gym regularly, healthy, no appearance problems, but I don't make friends easily.

I recognise that while I could get better with therapy/councilling, I realise that being a virgin over the age of 25 is big drawback in society and is off putting to a lot of women when dating. I don't want to be going into my 30s being a virgin as it would be impossible to get a girlfriend. So I need to do something about it.

I'm not going to become a social king overnight so in the meantime I've considered potentially going down the very sad sad desperate route of doing it with an escort. But I feel I have no choice because of my age. I need the experiance and you're first time is never that great so the escort wont care and will probably teach me.

Its sound pathetic and desperate, but that's the way my life is at moment. Very down about it. Is this the best way at my age to address my "v-card" issue?? Or should I just wait and see if the therapy helps me first and do it in time when I'm ready??

I feel massively under pressure tbh.

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Reply 1

asdfgah

I'd wait. I know this is cliche but tbh if a girl turned you down because you're a virgin then would you really want to be with her anyway? If you want to have sex with an escort, then it's not my place to judge. But please don't do it out of desperation and because you feel you have to. You probably wouldn't learn that much from having sex once with an escort anyway, to be honest.

Reply 2

CurtisDean

Escorts aren't prostitutes dude! But being a virgin at 25 is completely fine - seriously, I wouldn't worry too much about it :smile:

Reply 3

Tahooper

I'd rather be a 40 year old virgin than a 25 year old who had to get an escort just to lose their virginity.

Reply 4

Clickers

May as well go with an escort, nothing to lose. just wear a condom.

Reply 5

Pitt1988

I don't think getting an escort is the answer to your problems; you may end up finding yourself reliant on them. Your issues don't lie simply with the issue of being a virgin, I'd keep up with your counselling for a while and see what sort of progress you are making. Once you start feeling more confident in social situations, making friends, eventually you'll meet someone to build a relationship with.

Reply 6

BananaWhale

Relationships come when you least expect it, save your virginity for when it happens, and it will happen. At least stick with the counselling for a while.

Reply 7

ROYP

Do you think telling a girl you lost it to an escort would be less awkward than being a virgin? I don't think it's the quick fix you're making it out to be

Reply 8

Nutty_Psychologist

I think you will regret it massively because it won't change anything. Alright you'll lose your virginity statement but your the only person that holds that to yourself. Noone else will look at you and know that. Why don't you try something like a dating website? That way you can get to know someone online first and will take the edge off your nerves of talking to people face to face, plus you could really meet someone, not just throw away something.
It won't really solve anything to be honest and you'll probably feel worse about yourself

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 9

chira07

Original post by sharp910sh

May as well go with an escort, nothing to lose. just wear a condom.

Except hopefully his virginity :colone:

(sorry, I know this is serious, just made me lol)

Reply 10

faber niger

As above, I don't think an escort is going to help you -- you'll just get the mechanical ****ery, but you won't have chance to improve your social skills or feel real intimacy. So you'll spend a lot of money and still be in the same situation.

If you're pretty good looking and fit, like you say, could you not find someone in a nightclub for a one-night-stand? I bet you could, if you went with an open mind and just tried to have fun to see what might happen. I hardly ever go to clubs, but I've been hit on by girls, and you're probably better looking than I am. :p:

Also, being an relatively old virgin is not a drawback: you don't even need to tell a girl (or don't need to tell her until later in the relationship), sex is really natural, you'll know exactly what to do when the time comes, and no one will be able to tell that you're a virgin, except in that you may be a little nervous (but even non-virgins having sex with someone new are likely to be a little nervous).

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 11

Clickers

Dogging? that is free.

Reply 12

shiinkii

What you need is confidence. To be honest I dont really blame you for being a social recluse. However, I do feel your pain about the exams. The way I see it, how we live our lives depends a lot on our emotions. Our perspective of life is a reflection of our emotions, and our emotions are constantly changing, and sometimes they're not. In other words our emotions blinden us (yes, blinden, I just invented a new word).
Being confident is pretty much being in control of your emotions, being able to keep yourself happy. Being happy with yourself. You can induce happiness in yourself by understanding that you've got a lot of reasons to be happy, you're not ugly, and as you say, you're fit, you've got family, you're smart, you've got a nice personality. These things are what you should be happy about, not getting laid by a pros. If you can understand this, then you will be able to approach any woman you want and still walk away a happy man whether she rejected you or not.

Reply 13

Casshern1456

I think you should put yourself out there more, maybe join a couple of dating websites and meet girls from there.

Reply 14

barnetbuzzzz

Original post by CurtisDean

Escorts aren't prostitutes dude!

They are.

OP, ignore all the moralist advice. Escorts provide an important service and could really help you. You have to choose carefully though, otherwise the experience could do more harm than good.

PM me for advice.

Reply 15

Torpedo Fish

Original post by sharp910sh

nothing to lose.

Yes he does, that's the point :colone:

Reply 16

ser00

losing your virginity is only a big deal before you've lost it!

you say that being a virgin puts off a lot of women, but honestly it probably doesn't. i would be a lot happier sleeping with a virgin then someone who lost their virginity to a prostitute - most non-virgins don't look down on virgins or anything.

i think a big part of your problem is that you're embarrassed about that, but there's really no need. just relax around women - we're human too :tongue:

Reply 17

hiyamynameissoph

I agree with everyone. As a girl, it really wouldn't bother me if a guy was a virgin or not. I really think you should put yourself out there more - and I know its difficult. I think the idea to join a dating site is such a good idea because it's a good way of meeting people - go on a few dates first rather than worrying whether or not you've had sex! Your virginity should be a big deal and not something to be throne away on an escort - its honestly something you'll always remember. If you really don't care I agree with the person who said to go out and have a one night stand, but I think you should take it in baby steps :smile:

once you stop worrying and become more relaxed, girls will much prefer hanging out with you. Take it easy and just see what happens!

Reply 18

laura130490

I don't think having sex with an escort is going to help you to be honest. Firstly, you may feel even worse afterwards because you just had to pay someone to have sex with you so you could lose your virginity, that's got to be pretty demoralising in it's self. Secondly, I don't know much about what the sex is like with escorts, but I'm going to guess it's not like sex you have with a partner or someone who is actually enjoying the experience. So in terms of you learning from it and knowing how to please a woman, I don't know if that will happen.

Thirdly, yes you won't be a virgin anymore, but I really don't think girls will prefer you being a non virgin who has only ever slept with prostitutes to you being a virgin. Personally speaking it is massive turn off for me and I'd much much rather a guy be a virgin than lose it to a prostitute.

As others have suggested you could try internet dating if your lack of socialising is causing a problem, a friend of mine met her fiance on plentyoffish and one of my other friends went on quite a few dates with guys she met on there.

Reply 19

Nutty_Psychologist

Original post by BillyBongos

Have you even tried dating websites! They are an absolute nightmare full of women with overly high entitlement expectations. They either just browse, seeking to build their over inflated egos, seeking a rich tall dark and handsome man to ride over to her and 'save' her from the milleaux of mediocrity. When you don't fulfill her expections, she won't be there for you, she'll treat you as the disposable male that you are and throw you away like a used tissue.

Most of the women have 'tired' of their male 'servants' after 4-10years, and chucked them, some women have children and real financial needs. when they look at their kids, they'll be reminded of their ex, and the anger / betrayal / disappointment of their previous relationship/abuse will then be taken out on you.

Not forgetting most people on dating websites, usually the women, tend to have more of the likehood of mental health disorders like bpd / bipolar, attachment issues, eating disorders, and generally I hesitate to say they are not very happy bunnies, and you'll need to have your act together to keep them and yourself happy - no mean feat.

Wow. No I have not but I wouldn't judge anyone before I'd met them?
A lot of people I know have found success (male and female)
I'm not sure about deeming a lot of women on these sites as having mental health problems thats a bit strong really, a lot of people use them

Surely it's worth a try?