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I just dont understand him....

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    He broke up with me a year and a half ago.
    I was his first love and he mine.
    We see one another every day at university. I try and be friendly but he blows me off. He can't have a conversation with me for more than a minute. He won't make eye contact, actively avoids sitting near me- the other day there was a group of us having lunch and the only spare chair was one next to me, so he took 2 min wandering around the dining area to find another loose chair he could grab and sit at the opposite side of the the table.

    Yet if we're alone he'll smile and say hello as he passes, if he's drunk he watches me a lot and will smile at me as he passes. But ANY sort of contact I try and with him he blows me off...

    Why is he doing this? Its been 1.5 years SURELY he can be over this by now and be friends? it was my heart being broken- not his...
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    Nope, he just feels awkward.

    Maybe you don't have so much in common any more, and he finds you boring. Often if you get out of the habit of talking to someone, then communication just becomes difficult.
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    (Original post by stillgotlegs)
    Nope, he just feels awkward.

    Maybe you don't have so much in common any more, and he finds you boring. Often if you get out of the habit of talking to someone, then communication just becomes difficult.
    Thank you for the reply stillgotlegs.

    Yes that's probably very true. Though i do still try and take an interest and talk to him but he looks like a rabbit caught in the headlights when I try and start a conversation and becomes quite rude and standoffish.

    Sadly this began WHILST we were dating. He got a new group of friends and tried so hard to change to fit in with them. He still looks like hes trying too hard at times. Such a shame because he was perfect the way he used to be.
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    Do the same to him and see how he feels. It must be awkward for him to talk to you having been together and having it end on bad terms (if it was ended like that).

    Start meeting other guys, I bet he has dated several girls already since breaking up with you, so why hold back?
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    (Original post by SugarPuffs)
    Do the same to him and see how he feels. It must be awkward for him to talk to you having been together and having it end on bad terms (if it was ended like that).

    Start meeting other guys, I bet he has dated several girls already since breaking up with you, so why hold back?
    thank you for your reply!

    It didn't end on horrid terms exactly, just with me being very sad for a very long time.
    Actually its been ME dating and seeing people- he has had no-one since me. (and didnt seem impressed when I started seeing someone 7 months after he ended it)
    I try and treat him the same way, but I'm not cold enough to carry it out for long periods of time because I miss the way he used to be and keep hoping I might see a flicker of it again someday.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thank you for your reply!

    It didn't end on horrid terms exactly, just with me being very sad for a very long time.
    Actually its been ME dating and seeing people- he has had no-one since me. (and didnt seem impressed when I started seeing someone 7 months after he ended it)
    I try and treat him the same way, but I'm not cold enough to carry it out for long periods of time because I miss the way he used to be and keep hoping I might see a flicker of it again someday.
    So he probably feels a bit upset with you meeting other guys and dating a few short months after you and him ended. He seems to find it much easier to talk to you when you're both alone, so when those times come, open up to him more and he should feel happier being your friend and less sad about breaking up with you.
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    (Original post by SugarPuffs)
    So he probably feels a bit upset with you meeting other guys and dating a few short months after you and him ended. He seems to find it much easier to talk to you when you're both alone, so when those times come, open up to him more and he should feel happier being your friend and less sad about breaking up with you.
    when we're alone, I get a short hello. But when I try and expand the conversation he still goes all jittery and throat clearing, then runs asap....
    seriously he just seems to have a phobia of me. In company he acts like I bore him. but I still catch him watching....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thank you for your reply!
    (and didnt seem impressed when I started seeing someone 7 months after he ended it)
    tehe, should have mentioned this bit. He's jelly. Would you get back together with him if you had the chance?
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    (Original post by stillgotlegs)
    tehe, should have mentioned this bit. He's jelly. Would you get back together with him if you had the chance?
    you think? Lol I just get the impression he thinks Im the scum of the earth! Strangely though...he went through a phase of ignoring both me and the new bf, bu now hes sucks up to the new boyfriend....

    and sadly - Id seriously consider it- but I think that might be because he was my first and when i first met him he was perfect for me in every single way- hes jsut been spoilt since we came to uni ... well... in my opinion, maybe its me that was at fault....

    sad huh?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    you think? Lol I just get the impression he thinks Im the scum of the earth! Strangely though...he went through a phase of ignoring both me and the new bf, bu now hes sucks up to the new boyfriend....

    and sadly - Id seriously consider it- but I think that might be because he was my first and when i first met him he was perfect for me in every single way- hes jsut been spoilt since we came to uni ... well... in my opinion, maybe its me that was at fault....

    sad huh?
    It's not sad at all! I think seeing you with somebody else could be acting as realisation for him maybe? That maybe he does miss you and he just can't admit it. People have seriously odd ways of showing you how they feel and sometimes it can be hard to verbalise feelings. But you should follow your gut - what do you honestly think is the reason for him acting the way he is?
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    (Original post by StrangerThings)
    It's not sad at all! I think seeing you with somebody else could be acting as realisation for him maybe? That maybe he does miss you and he just can't admit it. People have seriously odd ways of showing you how they feel and sometimes it can be hard to verbalise feelings. But you should follow your gut - what do you honestly think is the reason for him acting the way he is?
    Im not sure. It's been 1.5 years now. I sometimes think its because he really dislikes me ( as im not exactly the most popular or outgoing girl at uni, and since the break up I have offended one of his closer male friends who does bitch a lot... the it was is fault he got offended really) And I guess he follows the opinions of the "popular crowd" with that. Though there were a few instances I wasnt quite sure what was going on as he invited me to an event he was hosting and he'd obviously only invited select people. He kept his distance that night but actually talked to me like a human being at times.

    Right after the break up he used to get VERY drunk at uni parties, so much so he was passed out and vomiting simultaneously for a whole night. I saw this about to happen, so i begged people to help me drag him outside so he wouldnt embarrass himself inside the bar. My friends (probably rightly) then refused to let me sit with him and look after him, they told me it was no longer my place... although i wouldnt go back inside all night and made sure my friends who stayed with him for a good hour or so gave him water, and made sure he was conscious. I asked him how he was the next day and he seemed annoyed Id helped take him outside. So I got cross too and babbled on about how increadibly ill he was.... then I thought better of it and left it alone again.

    I actually sent him a letter telling him I missed him- a good year after the split- and that I wish we had been able to make things turn out better, but if he was going to act like that I wasn't going to wait for him. The next time I saw him after this (his close friends whom he seems to mimic now weren't there) he actually apporached me first but I was shy so didn't approach him again that evening but we had a short nice conversaton- though i'm kicking myself for not making more of an effort on my side, but I was just scared he was going to blow me off like all of the other times after something so nice had just happened.

    He didn't like it when I started dating the new guy and whenever we would walk in to a room he was he'd freeze then get up and leave- even at parties in the evening, he would just leave as we'd arrive. For a while he wouldn't talk to either of us. Then he started to act up, and become very arrogant and loud, like the other lads in his group; almost like he was trying a personality change. Now hes as nice as pie to my bf, but refuses to sit near me or talk to ...or anything to do with me really BUT- the wierd thing is (very rarely mind) he has moments where I'll be sitting with a couple of my friends, and his friends are nowhere to be seen and he'll suddenly appear and sit with us. I'll try and say hi.. how are you? and he'll sit there not making much eye contact or smiling, clearing his throat and stuttering his answers but NEVER asks me any questions back. Then pretends to bury himself in whatever hes reading until his friends come in and he'll get up being all falsely over the top loud, grinning like a goon and walks off with them without saying bye....

    I just dont get it. You want to sit with me- then talk to me like a normal human being! You don't... then keep your distance as you usually do. When we were dating (towards the end) he'd chose his new friends over me. He'd ignore me to be with them. On nights out he'd be with them the whole time, come to me only when he was drunk and needed help/ sex. I would be there when he needed me, I planned MY evenings around him- it became so rare that he would want to see me (ask to hang out with me) that when he did Id drop everything in an instant. I never did anything at night because I was waiting and wishing he'd pick up his phone and ask me to be with him. I know, I know, it all sounds pathetic, but it's true. At the time I just couldn't handle what had happened to us and thought it would be a phase....

    I hate it because I know I still love him very much deep down because before we came to uni we worked perfectly. I made many mistakes, like being too shy, and not being me really, because I was in awe of him and not wanting to put a foot wrong, so much so it sort of went a bit wierd!

    Help?
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    Its too complicated to give you a straight forward answer, I know you probably don't want to, but the best thing you could do is just ask him yourself. But if six months ago you sent him a message saying you missed him and nothing happened from that, then maybe nothing is?

    He sounds like a bit of a sheep anyway to be honest.
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    I'm afraid I have to agree, he sounds like a bit of an idiot if I'm being honest i know it takes a lot to stand up and tell soembody how you honestly feel, and you've done that by trying to say you missed him, but he ignored it and in my books, that's just a nono. He can't make a halfhearted efforted with you, pushing you aside yet expect you to be there when his friends aren't. You seem like a really nice person and you shouldn't let him being at the same uni as you ruin any further relationships or friendships that you have with people so what if you're not the most popular or out-going person there, at least your YOU. And you're not afraid to be you. It's not you that's the one acting up around friends or pciking and chosing when to acknowledge people. It does seem a little as if he's trying to be overly manly around his friends though. Badtimes. Just ignore him. If he wants to talk to you properly and have an actual decent conversation, then he will do but don't waste any time on him. It's been ages since you two broke up and you've found somebody else? I bet your new boyfriend doesn't act up around his friends or push you aside? But good luck and I hope in time you can both re-build your friendship.
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    I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but i personally would get pretty angry with him. and show it.
    His ego sounds too damn big and its about time you brought it down to size.

    He breaks up with you and he thinks he can treat you like that in front of his stupid mates, then pisses you around further by acting all shy round you leaving you to wonder if he wants to talk, so you make an effort, but he just blows you off, and to give you a good two fingers he sucks up to your current boyfriend.

    Next time he acts like a dick, tell him he's a dick. next time he acts all loud to get your attention, ignore him. When he watches you, don't look at him. and after that if he approaches you thinking he has one last shot of messing you around, tell him to piss off.

    Carry this on until he gets the message loud and clear. Then if he wants to talk nicely to you, let him. but he better bloody apologise first.
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    (Original post by brunettegirl92)
    I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but i personally would get pretty angry with him. and show it.
    His ego sounds too damn big and its about time you brought it down to size.

    He breaks up with you and he thinks he can treat you like that in front of his stupid mates, then pisses you around further by acting all shy round you leaving you to wonder if he wants to talk, so you make an effort, but he just blows you off, and to give you a good two fingers he sucks up to your current boyfriend.

    Next time he acts like a dick, tell him he's a dick. next time he acts all loud to get your attention, ignore him. When he watches you, don't look at him. and after that if he approaches you thinking he has one last shot of messing you around, tell him to piss off.

    Carry this on until he gets the message loud and clear. Then if he wants to talk nicely to you, let him. but he better bloody apologise first.
    haha, that is actually the best piece of advice I have ever had! Thank you - you have made my day. Good plan I might just do that, though I am quite meek and mild, it would be very out of character (all the better for scaring him then I guess!)
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    My advice is to stop pining over someone that clearly treats you badly and move on with your life. Unfortunately even when people have had good, strong relationships in the past, doesnt automatically mean that after they break up they can remain friends. It has been a year and half since you broke up with the guy surely if your relationship was really meant to be then you would be back with him by now? I know from my own experience that sometimes ex boyfriends behave wierdly because they are confused about there feelings, perhaps your ex doesnt want to be with you but at the same time doesnt like that fact that you have moved on. I would avoid, where possible, spending time with mutual friends and try to focus on creating a friendship group where your ex is not involved, perhaps join a society or club that would allow you to spend time with new people away from your ex. The bottom line is that both you and your ex need to move on and at the moment it sounds like the most healthy thing for you two to do is spend as little time as possible with each other, so that you both can get on with your lives, perhaps once you have both properly moved on there will be a chance that you can be friends but this is by no means guaranteed.

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