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I've not bought into modern relationships

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Original post by Agenda Suicide
Before we start, don't get me confused, I don't mind a drink, going out every now and then or whatever. Nor do I expect everybody to be like me, but I just wonder if anybody else is in a kind of similar position?


I had a massive relationship that spanned for around 4 years, it was so close and we seemed like we were unbreakable, a few weeks before the end she started acting strange and then one morning woke up and decided that was it. She turned into a bit of a slut, easy to get, no respect sort of thing. I understand that she is young and we only live once, why tie yourself down right?

Has anybody else just not bought into the modern thing? I'm not saying this summarises every modern relationship or everybody this age, but it seems like it consumes most. I just kind of want a relationship that doesn't involve lots of drama or hurt, with somebody who'd go for a casual drink but doesn't have to go out all the time and would rather go on awesome days out, trips out, holidays, do good tihngs with all that money.

I don't care if people have casual sex, that's understandable, but I don't really see the point of going to a club with the loud lights and music and smelling of a fragrance with one spray too many seeing who looks easiest ot get home in the looks:drunkness ratio. Sliding over with the offer of drinks or poor conversation with slimy intentions of getting some sexual pleasure.

I kind of just want fun. Let's go drinking, but we don't have to be dressed like idiots or showing off with pictures everywhere. Let's wake up and catch the train somewhere, book a few days away when we're both off, catch the ferry to France and bus it, sit in on rainy days watching films eating sweets. Go out on sunny days to the top of a huge hill with the sun beaming down chatting and having fun.

Does this just sound nerdy and out of touch? I just think there's more to life and finding somebody than pulsating music and blurred vision. I don't criticise people for it if that's what they like as I don't mind it myself, but I just want old-school, let's go out for a meal and have nice days and I can surprise you with sometihng at the end of it.

Does nobody want that anymore? Every girl I've even gone for or has been interested in me seems greatly shocked when I prefer sitting in on a cold and rainy night watching films eating pizza or even just going somewhere for a nice meal than standing half dressed outside a club being sick.

Opinions?


will you marry me?? haha

seriously that just sounds so fun!! :biggrin:
Feel exactly the same OP. Good post/thread. In fact there are quite a number of people that would love to do what you just said above, though they're all far and few between.
Reply 22
Original post by Agenda Suicide
Before we start, don't get me confused, I don't mind a drink, going out every now and then or whatever. Nor do I expect everybody to be like me, but I just wonder if anybody else is in a kind of similar position?


I had a massive relationship that spanned for around 4 years, it was so close and we seemed like we were unbreakable, a few weeks before the end she started acting strange and then one morning woke up and decided that was it. She turned into a bit of a slut, easy to get, no respect sort of thing. I understand that she is young and we only live once, why tie yourself down right?

Has anybody else just not bought into the modern thing? I'm not saying this summarises every modern relationship or everybody this age, but it seems like it consumes most. I just kind of want a relationship that doesn't involve lots of drama or hurt, with somebody who'd go for a casual drink but doesn't have to go out all the time and would rather go on awesome days out, trips out, holidays, do good tihngs with all that money.

I don't care if people have casual sex, that's understandable, but I don't really see the point of going to a club with the loud lights and music and smelling of a fragrance with one spray too many seeing who looks easiest ot get home in the looks:drunkness ratio. Sliding over with the offer of drinks or poor conversation with slimy intentions of getting some sexual pleasure.

I kind of just want fun. Let's go drinking, but we don't have to be dressed like idiots or showing off with pictures everywhere. Let's wake up and catch the train somewhere, book a few days away when we're both off, catch the ferry to France and bus it, sit in on rainy days watching films eating sweets. Go out on sunny days to the top of a huge hill with the sun beaming down chatting and having fun.

Does this just sound nerdy and out of touch? I just think there's more to life and finding somebody than pulsating music and blurred vision. I don't criticise people for it if that's what they like as I don't mind it myself, but I just want old-school, let's go out for a meal and have nice days and I can surprise you with sometihng at the end of it.

Does nobody want that anymore? Every girl I've even gone for or has been interested in me seems greatly shocked when I prefer sitting in on a cold and rainy night watching films eating pizza or even just going somewhere for a nice meal than standing half dressed outside a club being sick.

Opinions?


I wish to live like that also.


MattZING
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Reply 24
Sounds ideal!!!!
Reply 25
I agree too.
i agree with you mostly but what i liked most about your post is that you didn't judge others and slag them off for having different views on this, as in those who like ONS etc. like most people on here do.

i think some people need to get stuff out of their system before settling down.
Well done, you've matured.. I feel the same way but at our age so many people have a pre-determined route in life, they do what's expect of them without a second to think what they actually want. You go to uni, people traditionally get drunk and "have the time of their life" to use the biggest cliché of university life. I would go out with people to prevent being isolated from friendship groups, and I would enjoy myself but it just wasn't what I wanted to do. Call me a fruitcake or whatever, but I had more fun going to a house of a group of my friends who lived together, making our own pizzas, listening to music, chatting and sharing a few bottles of wine, and playing some pictionary/trivial pursuit.
Original post by Rhiannan94
Wow, I wish there were more guys in the world like you :colondollar:


Same! Wow :yep:
Original post by Eduardo El Tombre
i know exactly what you mean. I find clubbing a dire experience with wasted dippy sluts throwing themselves onto sweaty, desperate guys at every turn in the hope of ten minutes of dirty grotesque loving with smudged makeup and beer-crippled erections before a hasty morning departure.

Yes exactly. I don't understand why people swap that for romantic nights in and the love of people....


Original post by Rhiannan94
Wow, I wish there were more guys in the world like you :colondollar:

Lol, you seem among a small minority :P



Original post by Future African game vet
Wow. I think my faith in men has just been restored. I'm fed up of being ridiculed by people for not wanting to dress like a slapper and go out clubbing. I 100% agree with you. :biggrin:

That's a lovely thing I suppose, I just don't understand it, if you have some self respect you'll find somebody that will love you for it someday I'm sure. Well done for not giving into the peer pressure though. There's a lot more on girls!
Reply 30
I don't think I could agree with you anymore.

It's almost like you've taken the words right out of my mouth.

The thoughts of a true gent in my opinion!
Thought we where a dying breed. :wink:

:h:
Original post by pinkangelgirl
will you marry me?? haha

seriously that just sounds so fun!! :biggrin:


My pleasure :P I know right? Spontaneity, mystery, fun...


Original post by Spontogical
Feel exactly the same OP. Good post/thread. In fact there are quite a number of people that would love to do what you just said above, though they're all far and few between.


Sad, but true :/


Original post by Liyah
Sounds ideal!!!!



Original post by Cherriesxo
Same! Wow :yep:


Can I ask where you all hide haha?


Original post by Bellissima
i agree with you mostly but what i liked most about your post is that you didn't judge others and slag them off for having different views on this, as in those who like ONS etc. like most people on here do.

i think some people need to get stuff out of their system before settling down.


Yeah I kinda understand that. I mean I understand and I can see why forgetting all your problems and having casual sex is great. It's not as if it's unexpected in this society or having sex is an issue. I think you may have a huge but overlooked point though, some people jsut worry they will miss out, have all this worry and energy and just need to get it out...


Original post by RichyFrench
Well done, you've matured.. I feel the same way but at our age so many people have a pre-determined route in life, they do what's expect of them without a second to think what they actually want. You go to uni, people traditionally get drunk and "have the time of their life" to use the biggest cliché of university life. I would go out with people to prevent being isolated from friendship groups, and I would enjoy myself but it just wasn't what I wanted to do. Call me a fruitcake or whatever, but I had more fun going to a house of a group of my friends who lived together, making our own pizzas, listening to music, chatting and sharing a few bottles of wine, and playing some pictionary/trivial pursuit.


Yeah man, what's the issue with chilling with friends, having a laugh. The only reason it's looked down upon is because nobody is honets with what they want to do. It sucks. Hope like minded people are at university...
i would rather sit in with films and take out, or board games and snacks (with or without alcohol)

or go for a nice country walk and pub meal.

or a random day trip somewhere.

or picnics in a park.

haha i feel such an old lady!!
Original post by Agenda Suicide

Yeah man, what's the issue with chilling with friends, having a laugh. The only reason it's looked down upon is because nobody is honets with what they want to do. It sucks. Hope like minded people are at university...


Make sure you go out to begin with and establish BIG friendship circles.. Keep your options open and get to know people, and then you will gradually see who shares similar interests.
Reply 34
Completely agree with you OP - I guess the problem is that the people with these views tend to be a bit quieter so they're hard to find!
Luckily, my boyfriend also has these views - I really like being in a relationship where we can do more than just go out all the time. We go to the theatre a bit, and we enjoy just staying in to watch films etc :biggrin:


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Original post by RichyFrench
Make sure you go out to begin with and establish BIG friendship circles.. Keep your options open and get to know people, and then you will gradually see who shares similar interests.


Good point actually. Like I said I don't mind it, I juts think there's better things to do. So I'll socialise, it will be fun etc, then see who I meet.



Original post by codle
Completely agree with you OP - I guess the problem is that the people with these views tend to be a bit quieter so they're hard to find!
Luckily, my boyfriend also has these views - I really like being in a relationship where we can do more than just go out all the time. We go to the theatre a bit, and we enjoy just staying in to watch films etc :biggrin:


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App


And that's lovely. It sounds fantastic, make sure you appreciate it, but more importantly, he appreciates you!
Reply 36
You're a gem! Agree with what you said.
surely buying any relationship though is a bit like prostitution?
Reply 38
I'm going to put in my opinion here from the viewpoint of a girl who pretty much reacted like your ex girlfriend of 4 years. I was in a relationship through college with a fantastic guy for about 3 years and then I moved away to the other side of the world and broke up with him. There were several reasons for this, most of which were a result of my own inexperience and insecurity. I just wasn't ready to commit myself to him forever without knowing what else was out there. Life/travels/career/ other people... After we broke up I had my first one night stand ever, followed by a few more over the next couple of years and dove head first into the party lifestyle. It was fun, fast paced, I enjoyed it, but it also got old quite fast.

Fast forward almost 4 years down the line and countless experiences in terms of life/travels/career/other people and I can finally say I'm ready to meet somebody and actually take a shot at making something last again. I therefore now completely agree with your post and think that doing all those things you mentioned would be lovely BUT that's only because I have changed, my priorities have changed and what I want to do with my life has changed. It takes a certain level of maturity to come to the viewpoints that you have and I think people just reach that level at different times.

I couldn't make things work with my ex because I hadn't reached that level of maturity yet and I needed to experience the crazy to find that that wasn't for me. Your ex was probably the same and I'm pretty sure a lot of people who are doing the crazy clubbing, getting drunk, casual sex, puking all over the sidewalks thing feel just the same. They are growing up. It's natural and it's useful. Some of the biggest playboys/ playgirls I used to know are all in committed long term, happy relationships, some of them married, some of them engaged too, but I doubt they would be the great partners they are now if they hadn't gone through the crazy to figure out what's important. People learn in different ways, which is why I think for some people the crazy is actually a good thing and they'll grow out of it once they are ready to make a change within themselves.
Original post by Agenda Suicide
x

I have no solutions but a possible consolation.

You should watch Before Sunrise(1995). I think it will resonate very well with you. :smile:
(edited 11 years ago)

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