My sister is ruining our family...

Okay, I don't even really know where to begin with this... Sorry, it may be long but please read if you have time and can advise me..

I know this might sound like an awful thing to say, but my sister is ruining my family and the situation at home is making me depressed. I now enjoy work more than home because it is always so stressful and my sister argues with everyone, everyday. And I don't mean a small argument, I mean screaming, eastenders-style arguments. She looks down on everyone else and is incredibly self-centered, takes advantage of both my parents and is very disrespectful and nasty to them. This then makes me fight with her often as I can't stand seeing her being so rude to my mum and dad, who do so much for her. What's worse is that whenever anyone tries to confront her about her behaviour, she makes out that my mum (or whoever it is) is being nasty to her or is "bored" of her or something. Whenever anyone picks her up on something bad she has done, she starts WAILING and crying and even literally screaming sometimes.

She clearly has a serious issue but she is so insensitive, manipulative and spiteful that I am finding it incredibley hard to be sympathetic with her as I have put up with this situation for so many years and am tired. She was a bully to me as a child and has been jealous and hateful towards me more and more over the years and it's effecting my life as well as the rest of my family. Even when I was diagnosed with a mental issue of my own (BDD) two years ago, she used it against me, calling me ugly and deliberately bringing it up to make me feel ashamed and I feel like she keeps being forgiven for everything and that it is just getting worse and worse! She is very sharp-tongued and has barely any empathy for others (when my grandad died all she did was make nasty comments about him since she didn't like him.) and yet my parents are allowing it to carry on since they are worried about upsetting her further.

She over-reacts to everything and one time even punched the screen of our famly laptop, breaking the screen which cost £180. She then refused to pay for it meaning my parents had to. We don't have much money but she seems not to care about my parents at all, as long as she can do what she wants.

I personally think she has multiple issues. She is VERY jealous of me (and my brother, but less so) and hates it when I achieve anything, but goes out of her way to talk about her own talents, and is very pretentious and deliberately talks in an elaborate way, and acts like everyone else is stupid. She is attention-seeking, jealous, heart-less and aggressive but at the same time seems to think she is a victim of everybody else (and I can assure you that is not the case.) making it difficult to pull her up on her behaviour.

We are both students so neither of us can move out as we have no money, but I honestly feel like I would rather never be home that put up with it. But it devastates me that all my family have to live in such a miserable and stressful environment (especially my younger brother who is still a child) and it makes me frustrated and angry to the point of tears.

What should I do? Or what do you think my mum should do? I know she should see someone for help but I don't know if she would go, and I don't think my mum is strong enough to make her go or to speak up if they were to go together.

Any advise is welcome and I hope this post hasn't sounded mean but she really is the cause of so many issues in my family and it is ruining our relationships and our time together. Nothing is fun or relaxing at home any more and it is like we are all under her control. I want to move out but even that would not help anything as I know my family would still be stuck in the same situation. I also doubt she will ever leave home as she is so dependant on my parents and is also bad at holding down jobs (too many days off etc) and snobby about taking "ordinary" jobs so I can't see how she will get a job at all, since she won't just walk into an amazing one.

I just want her to grow up and stop having tantrums and being jealous, and I want her to realise all the things my parents do for her rather than just pointing out the "bad" things, which are VERY often extremely exaggerated.

Any advice would be amazing. Or even if someone has a similar problem. Thanks.

i'm in a very similar situation. my sister literally never has a normal conversation with me or my mum - it's always in a demanding, argumentative or derogatory tone, usually shouting instead of speaking. if either of us say anything back she will have a tantrum, usually involving screaming and slamming things about so much in her room that the walls crack (we have them re-plastered regularly). what i feel needs to be done about this (and your situation) is more discipline - my parents are afraid that if tey take her privileges away from her she'll go crazy, but them not dosn anythig means she sees notwrong with treating us this way.'m jassuming your parents are in the same situation? but it's better confronted than left as the situation won't change if it's ignored. plus she'll then realise all the things your parents do for her when they stop.

i also think it would be a good idea if, at any point, your sister is calm enough to have a chat, to sit her down with your mum and yourself so you can all talk in a calm manner about any issues you have, maybe go for a coffee for this so you won't be as inclined to raise voices - i know this wouldn't be possible with my sister though! counselling would also be an obvious option, if she would go.






good luck getting through this, i hope your sister comes around!

yesss this sounds soooo similar! wow, I sympathize with you. it sucks doesn't it?

May I ask how old your sister is and can n ask how you usually deal with her? I never know what to do. I can't win either way with her so I never know whether to argue back/defend myself oe whoever she is having a go at. or to just block it all out! :/

And yeh, I would love to sit down and sort it but everytime a "calm" chat will quickly get angry as far as my sister is concerned. It's so frustrating!!


It's sad because I'm close with the rest of my family but they know I can't wait to leave home and it's because my sister is driving me out with her behaviour.

Parents should never be afraid of 'upsetting their child' if the child is in the wrong. No offense but its your parents weakness that has let her exceed her limits as she probably feels she can get away with more and more and this aids her self centered attitude. Your parents shouldn't tolerate it in the slightest and they should teach her some discipline. If she doesn't learn it from them where else is she going to learn it from?

she's turning sixteen, as she gets older it gets worse! it's the same thing here - you don't want to say anything back unless it causes a huge row, but it just makes it worse by her thinking she can get away with talking to people like that. if i was in control of things i'd just knuckle down on the discipline and only give her privileges when she behaves, but it's not my place. i think the main problem with both cases is that they think they have power over everyone in their families and can therefore treat them like dirt. though i guess it's a bit more difficult to discipline someone your sister's age..i can't help but feeling mine will still be like this at twenty too. :/

I have the same problem with my OLDER sister. The worst thing is that I am 21 and she is 23. It's basically turned into my parents humouring her. Constantly. I feel like the bad egg of the family now, and she's treated like gods gift.

Okay, I don't even really know where to begin with this... Sorry, it may be long but please read if you have time and can advise me..

I know this might sound like an awful thing to say, but my sister is ruining my family and the situation at home is making me depressed. I now enjoy work more than home because it is always so stressful and my sister argues with everyone, everyday. And I don't mean a small argument, I mean screaming, eastenders-style arguments. She looks down on everyone else and is incredibly self-centered, takes advantage of both my parents and is very disrespectful and nasty to them. This then makes me fight with her often as I can't stand seeing her being so rude to my mum and dad, who do so much for her. What's worse is that whenever anyone tries to confront her about her behaviour, she makes out that my mum (or whoever it is) is being nasty to her or is "bored" of her or something. Whenever anyone picks her up on something bad she has done, she starts WAILING and crying and even literally screaming sometimes.

She clearly has a serious issue but she is so insensitive, manipulative and spiteful that I am finding it incredibley hard to be sympathetic with her as I have put up with this situation for so many years and am tired. She was a bully to me as a child and has been jealous and hateful towards me more and more over the years and it's effecting my life as well as the rest of my family. Even when I was diagnosed with a mental issue of my own (BDD) two years ago, she used it against me, calling me ugly and deliberately bringing it up to make me feel ashamed and I feel like she keeps being forgiven for everything and that it is just getting worse and worse! She is very sharp-tongued and has barely any empathy for others (when my grandad died all she did was make nasty comments about him since she didn't like him.) and yet my parents are allowing it to carry on since they are worried about upsetting her further.

She over-reacts to everything and one time even punched the screen of our famly laptop, breaking the screen which cost £180. She then refused to pay for it meaning my parents had to. We don't have much money but she seems not to care about my parents at all, as long as she can do what she wants.

I personally think she has multiple issues. She is VERY jealous of me (and my brother, but less so) and hates it when I achieve anything, but goes out of her way to talk about her own talents, and is very pretentious and deliberately talks in an elaborate way, and acts like everyone else is stupid. She is attention-seeking, jealous, heart-less and aggressive but at the same time seems to think she is a victim of everybody else (and I can assure you that is not the case.) making it difficult to pull her up on her behaviour.

We are both students so neither of us can move out as we have no money, but I honestly feel like I would rather never be home that put up with it. But it devastates me that all my family have to live in such a miserable and stressful environment (especially my younger brother who is still a child) and it makes me frustrated and angry to the point of tears.

What should I do? Or what do you think my mum should do? I know she should see someone for help but I don't know if she would go, and I don't think my mum is strong enough to make her go or to speak up if they were to go together.

Any advise is welcome and I hope this post hasn't sounded mean but she really is the cause of so many issues in my family and it is ruining our relationships and our time together. Nothing is fun or relaxing at home any more and it is like we are all under her control. I want to move out but even that would not help anything as I know my family would still be stuck in the same situation. I also doubt she will ever leave home as she is so dependant on my parents and is also bad at holding down jobs (too many days off etc) and snobby about taking "ordinary" jobs so I can't see how she will get a job at all, since she won't just walk into an amazing one.

I just want her to grow up and stop having tantrums and being jealous, and I want her to realise all the things my parents do for her rather than just pointing out the "bad" things, which are VERY often extremely exaggerated.

Any advice would be amazing. Or even if someone has a similar problem. Thanks.