[Anonymous]

OK, this is a complicated story that I'm going to try and write in as short a way as possible.

Basically;-

I dated this guy, Joe, when I was 18/19 (can't remember). It was only for a few months, nothing particularly serious. The break up was a verbally mean, on his end.

Almost 2 years down the line, he emails me and wants to meet up to explain the break up and apologise. He tells me that he broke up with me because a crazy girl in Australia, who has an obsession with him, threatened to kill me. He told me that his family and mother knew and they had contacted the police and now the girl was in a mental institution.
I didn't believe him but didn't want to argue.
Anyway, a few weeks went by and we met up some more. We flirted a little, kissed a little. He wanted to be f*ck buddies but I said no (didn't trust him to be honest).

So anyway, Joe is invited a long as a guest to a friend's meet. He then starts acting suspicious (don't really know how to describe it, but it was odd for him), and he was short-tempered.
And come to think of it, since the moment we met up for his apology he had been short-tempered.

A few days went by and he then decided to text me saying I was an "experiment for me and the love of my life", "if only you knew what plans I had in store", "you deserved what you got" (referring to a rape at 11), "I will cut you and Chris" (a friend of ours), and various texts like that. He was texting all ours everyday, day and night.
I didn't antagonize him at all, but I told him to stop and he didn't. In the end, I had to threaten police action in order for him stop. He did stop, thankfully!


It did damage me for a long time after. I felt nervous at night, thinking he might turn up at any moment. I became a recluse for a while.
My friend lost Joe as a best friend because of the whole thing. Was a really messy period that occurred about a year ago.

So anyway, I've always felt that his mother (who is a SAINT and so sweet and lovely and amazing) should know of Joe's actions. Joe will be 23 now I think and he still lives with her as far as I'm aware.

I came across an old address book where clearing out my room today - I saw his address. I have written a letter explaining all of this, but in more detail.

Although I want her to know, I don't know if she'll believe me. And, most importantly, whether I should even send it.
I think she has a right to know, and should know. And I've said in the letter "...please know that I am not trying to get revenge on Joe or anything of the sort. I no longer have negative, nor positive, feelings about him. I do, however, have serious concerns over his mental state and Chris agrees."
and towards the end of the letter... "So, I hope that you do not think ill of me, and I only hope that I have done the right thing in telling you...."


So what is everyone's opinion on this? I really am at a lost of what would be best.

I hope I've written this clearly. Sorry if it is a little confusing!

[Rossagle]

That Joe person sounds a bit odd. Defiantly stay away from him.
As for his mother, I don't know. Are you sure she doesn't already know? I kinda think if she doesn't know maybe she should know because it sounds pretty serious to me, but then again like you said she might not believe you.

[VerylongleggedBlue]

No, just keep out of it and get on with your life.

[Studentus-anonymous]

(Original post by Original Poster)
Anyway, a few weeks went by and we met up some more. We flirted a little, kissed a little. He wanted to be f*ck buddies but I said no (didn't trust him to be honest).

So you don;t want anything to do with him but you agree to meet up and flirt and kiss?

I seriously wonder how so many people fail to realise how they get into these types of messes.

If you're not interested for whatever reason than stop acting interested.

"Waaah a guy keeps chasing me, I don't know why, it's not like I ****ed him, I only touched his penis a little and told him what he wanted to hear".


In regard to your letter: DON'T. NOT YOUR BUSINESS. STAY THE **** OUT OF IT.

This goes back to my original point, if it is over and you are not interested then stay the hell out of it. You say you aren't after revenge or whatever but sending that letter is clearly to cause drama. Granted it took threat of police action but in the end the guy is no longer your issue so why push it?

Get on with your life and stop trying to cause drama, chances are his mum knows him better than you think.

[A Cat]

(Original post by Anonymous)
OK, this is a complicated story that I'm going to try and write in as short a way as possible.

Basically;-

I dated this guy, Joe, when I was 18/19 (can't remember). It was only for a few months, nothing particularly serious. The break up was a verbally mean, on his end.

Almost 2 years down the line, he emails me and wants to meet up to explain the break up and apologise. He tells me that he broke up with me because a crazy girl in Australia, who has an obsession with him, threatened to kill me. He told me that his family and mother knew and they had contacted the police and now the girl was in a mental institution.
I didn't believe him but didn't want to argue.
Anyway, a few weeks went by and we met up some more. We flirted a little, kissed a little. He wanted to be f*ck buddies but I said no (didn't trust him to be honest).

So anyway, Joe is invited a long as a guest to a friend's meet. He then starts acting suspicious (don't really know how to describe it, but it was odd for him), and he was short-tempered.
And come to think of it, since the moment we met up for his apology he had been short-tempered.

A few days went by and he then decided to text me saying I was an "experiment for me and the love of my life", "if only you knew what plans I had in store", "you deserved what you got" (referring to a rape at 11), "I will cut you and Chris" (a friend of ours), and various texts like that. He was texting all ours everyday, day and night.
I didn't antagonize him at all, but I told him to stop and he didn't. In the end, I had to threaten police action in order for him stop. He did stop, thankfully!


It did damage me for a long time after. I felt nervous at night, thinking he might turn up at any moment. I became a recluse for a while.
My friend lost Joe as a best friend because of the whole thing. Was a really messy period that occurred about a year ago.

So anyway, I've always felt that his mother (who is a SAINT and so sweet and lovely and amazing) should know of Joe's actions. Joe will be 23 now I think and he still lives with her as far as I'm aware.

I came across an old address book where clearing out my room today - I saw his address. I have written a letter explaining all of this, but in more detail.

Although I want her to know, I don't know if she'll believe me. And, most importantly, whether I should even send it.
I think she has a right to know, and should know. And I've said in the letter "...please know that I am not trying to get revenge on Joe or anything of the sort. I no longer have negative, nor positive, feelings about him. I do, however, have serious concerns over his mental state and Chris agrees."
and towards the end of the letter... "So, I hope that you do not think ill of me, and I only hope that I have done the right thing in telling you...."


So what is everyone's opinion on this? I really am at a lost of what would be best.

I hope I've written this clearly. Sorry if it is a little confusing!

He's a psychopath, so the best thing for you to do now is cut every bit of contact, ignore every attempt of contact from his end, and forget about him. Life will go on and get better.

If you would like to send the letter then do it anonymously.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
I seriously wonder how so many people fail to realise how they get into these types of messes.

1. His mother doesn't know of the issues regarding her son.
2. I didn't have issues with him back then, as it is PRESENT DAY - it was after his awkward acting that I didn't trust him.
3. Don't be so mean - I am NOT trying to cause drama. If I was, I would have sent the damn letter already. His mother is super lovely and so I didn't want to upset her, but I also know that an unspoken mental issue could cause issues with Joe in the future.
It is understood, through his other friends, that they agree there is something seriously mentally wrong with him.

[thatbeckygirl]

It could get worse for you if you send his mother that letter, because he will find out and if he's threatened to kill you already... the letter could push him over the edge.

It seems that he's out of your life now, so leave it like that. Keep the letter there in case it starts again but try to forget about everything to do with him.

[A Cat]

(Original post by Anonymous)
1. His mother doesn't know of the issues regarding her son.
2. I didn't have issues with him back then, as it is PRESENT DAY - it was after his awkward acting that I didn't trust him.
3. Don't be so mean - I am NOT trying to cause drama. If I was, I would have sent the damn letter already. His mother is super lovely and so I didn't want to upset her, but I also know that an unspoken mental issue could cause issues with Joe in the future.
It is understood, through his other friends, that they agree there is something seriously mentally wrong with him.

read this thread, it may help - http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show....php?t=1873367

[theredsox]

Seriously, don't send the letter. It sounds like things have settled - just leave them settled and move on.

[Darth Stewie]

Seems like a smart move, border line psychotics never have strong feelings towards their mothers and he is sure to not care in the least that you decided to tell her all these things.

[Knighted]

Overall you seem like a nice person but yeah just leave it now. Its been a year? so why bring it up again and cause yourself more drama. Just leave it.

[jami74]

1) A mother will NEVER take the word of a girl over her sons. Mothers LOVE their sons and are completely blind to their faults. They HATE any girl who dares utter a word against their sons.

2) If someone threatens to kill you and shows psychopathic tendencies it is generally not a good idea to antagonise them in any way, including by writing hate mail to their mother (and thats all it will be seen as, if she's spent 23yrs thinking he is perfect a nasty note from an ex-girlfriend isn't going to change her mind).

[brunettegirl92]

He's nothing but trouble and he's out of your life. At the end of the day, it's your decision, but do you really want to dig it all up again?


This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC ChaCha A810e

[IShouldBeStudying]

Sending the letter invites him and all of his crazy straight back into your life. Don't send it. Just move on.

[tpxvs]

Don't send the letter. If i was in your position, id also feel sorry for his mother.. but i'd leave it. IF you are definitely going to send it, make it anonymous. You dont want to invite trouble and sending a letter shows that you do have feelings.. even if just in a caring "im jsut a nice girl" kind of way.

[kat91s]

This has bad idea written all over it.