[beebie]

Just wondering how people have gone about showing self harm scars - what with summer and wishing for the luxury of wearing short sleeves!

Basically, mine are extensive and cannot be hidden. My family have seen but only when they've been white. But now, at uni, I desperately want to stop wearing long sleeves all the time. I have new red ones though that feel a LOT more exposing and my friends are pretty unaware of my difficulties.

What has anyone else experienced? Or ways you've dealt with peers' reactions, etc?

[xbethany]

You could start by wearing 3/4 length sleeves, or sleeves that are slightly see through, just so you get used to them being almost 'exposed'. This might make you feel more comfortable.

Most people probably won't notice, unless you draw attention to them by trying to hide them or looking self conscious. I'm not really sure what to suggest if people do ask you about them though... You could try lying, but I wouldn't reccoment that. I don't know, you could say something like a childhood accident or something (although that kinda is a lie, haha.)

Yeah, sorry, I don't really know what to say.
If you're looking to make your scars less visible bio oil works really well for me.

[Sabertooth]

I've got a lot all down my left arm and yeah I did hide them in the past all the time because I was so worried about other people's reactions. Then I started going to the gym and the amount I was doing meant wearing long sleeves was impossible (the place didn't have air con) so although I hated it I got used to showing my arm in one environment. No one ever said anything, I saw a few people look over at me but I think for a lot of people they don't want to bring it up with you, no one likes awkward conversations. Gradually I would wear short sleeves in my flat at uni and from there gradually build it up to lectures then around campus and finally all the time. Now I'm comfortable enough to wear tshirts outside in summer and I gotta say I feel a lot happier for it. I spent far too long hiding myself away ashamed and embarrassed but it really is quite liberating to just wear a tshirt.

I've still got some angry red raised scars which look very recent but most are now white but you know not once has anyone ever said anything to me, British people are generally polite and reserved, they don't want that conversation any more than you do. I always say to myself if someone did bring it up I'd say "you should take those do not feed the tigers signs at the zoo seriously ", I figure it's obviously a lie sure but most people would get the hint and leave it.

It hasn't all been good, while no one's brought it up with me I did hear on several occasions my "classmates" calling me a freak or crazy which yeah it hurt but I don't really care what a bunch of judgmental *******s think, I'm certainly not going to spend my life hiding from them. Hey, just see it as an ******* filter, the people who judge you for it are the ones you'll probably want nothing to do with anyway.

I think you need to work on your attitude. There are two ways you can deal with things; hide for the rest of your life, or just live your life and **** what other people may say. The second is infinitely better imo. I'd say build it up slowly, of course it would be hard to just go ahead and show all your scars in one day, so do things slowly, do it first in one environment - preferably one where you don't know people and it's unlikely that interaction would happen (for me this was the gym, earbuds in, busting my ass doing hiit cardio), then slowly extend this to other situations. I'd say showing your friends is probably a lot harder than strangers so maybe get to that one last because they may react even if just out of concern for your wellbeing. But don't see that as a bad thing, sometimes it helps to let people in and share how you're feeling. I'm sure real friends would want to help you as best they can.

Oops this turned out longer than I intended, sorry I've probably gone on a bit, but maybe you'll find it helpful in some way hopefully.

[madders94]

In the long term, cocoa butter helps - Palmer's is great stuff. When I had fresh red ones I'd use fake tan to cover them up and surprisingly it worked, also foundation and thinks like that are ok. These days they're very hard to see unless it's very cold or very hot when they tend to show up and I don't bother hiding them - that is a part of my past and whilst I'm not proud of them and I don't show them off, I don't make myself uncomfortable for the sake of hiding them because it is like chicken pox scars or acne scars, they're a lasting reminder of an illness and that's all although I appreciate that when they're fresh, they feel like something so shameful that you'll do anything to hide them, so in the short term fake tan/foundation or long sleeves that are floaty and light material so you're not boiling hot all the time, and in the long term bio-oil is meant to be good but I found Palmers' cocoa butter was just as good

Sabertooth's mentality towards it is great with the "take the don't feed the tiger signs seriously" response - I wish I'd had the idea or the courage to do that when I was at my worst as it would have saved me a long time of thinking that if people saw my scars, they'd all hate me.

[beebie]

Thank you so much for the replies everyone. It's so reassuring to hear how others have dealt with it.

(Original post by Sabertooth)
There are two ways you can deal with things; hide for the rest of your life, or just live your life and **** what other people may say. The second is infinitely better imo. I'd say build it up slowly, of course it would be hard to just go ahead and show all your scars in one day, so do things slowly, do it first in one environment - preferably one where you don't know people and it's unlikely that interaction would happen (for me this was the gym, earbuds in, busting my ass doing hiit cardio), then slowly extend this to other situations. I'd say showing your friends is probably a lot harder than strangers so maybe get to that one last because they may react even if just out of concern for your wellbeing. But don't see that as a bad thing, sometimes it helps to let people in and share how you're feeling. I'm sure real friends would want to help you as best they can.

Definitely think this in particular is totally accurate I'm more or less fine with strangers nowadays - it's just making that leap to having friends see. Once it's done once it'll no doubt get easier (I hope!)

[~ Purple Rose ~]

When I lived with friends I would occcasionally wear 3/4 length sleeves, because they knew about my self-harm, but I haven't for the last few years. It is horrible in the summer, but I wear thin cardigans with vest tops etc, and most people don't comment, or if they do they tend to assume I don't want to get to get sunburnt (being a redhead is useful for that ). You could look into using foundation to cover the scars, and Palmers Cocoa Butter is good to use to reduce their appearance.

[katebrighteyes]

I have some on my hand but they'd fading a bit now however I can never truly hide those. So many questions at work. Horrible.

I have awful ones on my arms and it's very hard for me to hide them. I wear baggy tops that sort of slink over the bad arm so they are hidden. But they're so red I can't brave a vest or anything. I'm dreading going on holiday.

Sheer material is sometimes handy. Otherwise, I'm able to get away with short sleeves as my cuts are mainly upper arm/borderline shoulder. I just want them to fade really

[beebie]

They will fade, it just takes a lot of time and patience sadly. But they will x

[nepeneptune]

I am black and my scars are pretty bad I don't know what to do in school everyone takes off their blazers and I'm normally the only one who has it on and I'm so terrified of what people will think of me


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[La_Chiquita]

I have scars on my arms, and as I'm a student nurse I can't wear long sleeves for infection control reasons. I was really worried about it at first, but in all honesty no-one has ever really commented. Most people I've spoken to about it said they didn't notice them. Out of the hundreds of patients I've nursed only one has commented - and even then it was only to ask if I'd had some tattoos removed :P.

I've tried a lot of things to get rid of the scars, and the only thing that has worked is vitamin E facial oil. It helps to flatten raised scars.

You might try using camouflage make up to cover the scars.

If you accept the scars, and stop worrying about them, other people seem to follow suit. If you try and hide them, and people can sense that you're ashamed of them, they will pay more attention to it. Try building your self confidence and the rest will follow. Good luck x

[nepeneptune]

Thank you so much!


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[katebrighteyes]

See I find that where I work customers are constantly commenting. I work in a supermarket park time and I just find that everyone is asking if a kitten attacked me.........

[La_Chiquita]

(Original post by katebrighteyes)
See I find that where I work customers are constantly commenting. I work in a supermarket park time and I just find that everyone is asking if a kitten attacked me.........

Are your scars scars or cuts? Cuts would be move obvious than scars, mine are pretty faded now, although still raised and visible.

People at school used to ask me that. I think it has something to do with emotional immaturity - I mean, can you imagine asking a stranger with any kind of scar, birthmark, even false limb etc ''why do you have that''...it's just rude and really not anyone else's business. Usually when people mature they realise that it's not polite to comment/make comments like that. So, I'd try not to get upset by those people. Also, try to be a bit more confident in yourself- people really do pick up on any kind of vulnerability, and will use it against you. If you appear self confident they're a lot less likely to bother you. If someone says did a kitten attack you just say no and walk off. At the end of the day, it's their problem, and not yours. Try not to let it get you down x

[erobinson15]

I wear a watch on my wrist where I have the most scars and it mainly covers them up, but i'm generally quite open about showing them, everyone who I care about knows about my situation and I don't really care what anyone else thinks!

[katebrighteyes]

(Original post by La_Chiquita)
Are your scars scars or cuts? Cuts would be move obvious than scars, mine are pretty faded now, although still raised and visible.

People at school used to ask me that. I think it has something to do with emotional immaturity - I mean, can you imagine asking a stranger with any kind of scar, birthmark, even false limb etc ''why do you have that''...it's just rude and really not anyone else's business. Usually when people mature they realise that it's not polite to comment/make comments like that. So, I'd try not to get upset by those people. Also, try to be a bit more confident in yourself- people really do pick up on any kind of vulnerability, and will use it against you. If you appear self confident they're a lot less likely to bother you. If someone says did a kitten attack you just say no and walk off. At the end of the day, it's their problem, and not yours. Try not to let it get you down x

Raised scars as well as red scars on my hands that aren't raised but they're red. I just like it when they fade to pale and blend into my milky skin

[kiss_me_now9]

Try Bio-Oil but it'll only work to reduce the redness and won't get rid of scars that have become keloid (raised and white). I have just got used to going out and not caring what people think - but I tend to detach myself from most things anyway so it's easy for me to do.

If you really don't want them to be seen, you could look into make up specially made for scars and birth marks, if you could find some that matched your skintone and had the time/money to do it every time you wanted to go outside. Personally I think that accepting that they're there and moving past it is one of the best markers for moving past self harm behaviour and being a healthier person.

[Sockhead]

Mine aren't necessarily scars since they were never that deep to begin with, but when I did them back in Jan I ended up picking the scabs off since I was stupid and worried about people noticed more while they were thick and scabby
Unfortunately it's left me with a few lines that are barely visable if u didnt know they were there in the first place. However, when it's super hot eg out the shower or been in the sun a little bit they turn red again and are more visable :/

I guess it's all about how you handle then when fresh!


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