[Anonymous]

My friend has spent the last two and a half years obsessed with a girl who he barley knows. They've only met once or twice on nights out and that was only an introduction, I don't think she even knows he exists.

I'm trying to get him out but he just keeps telling me how he loves her and she's perfect, which is BS because he doesn't even know her.

How can I help?

[jam277]

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=oneitis
Just show him this.
Yes I've suffered from this condition, so I know how the guy feels, but mine is just a case of there not being many options around that are realistically achievable i.e. not in a relationship with someone and also good looking. You then realize that you have to bite the bullet, or realize that you'll be forever alone if you keep the obsession up with that one girl without moving on/making the move.

Has your mate had any girlfriends before? it's usually associated with a lack of partners.

[Anonymous]

I've done even more, told him he's in love with an imagination of what she's like and not actually her, how he's placed the perfect personality on to her with no basis and loads more. He just doesn't accept it and continues with his warped thinking, he just won't snap out of it.

It's been over two years!!!! Can't be good for him and gets a little annoying for everyone else.

[jam277]

I'm guessing he hasn't had many girlfriends before because they're the ones who usually suffer from oneitis. How old is he?

Tell him to find another girl, or go for that girl if he really feels that way about her.

[Bambinobambina]

Ooooops crush gone to far .. :/


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Anonymous]

21! No other gfs but he does get occasional interest (most of them aren't 'his type' though)

He doesn't really know her to make a move on her, he's a little bit stalkery about it too, so he's joined societies he thinks she'll be a part of etc. But like I said don't think she even knows he exists and probably never will (different friends groups/type of people entirely).

Couple months back we found out she has a bf and he got all depressed for like weeks and weeks, listening to marvin's room on loop (no troll) and being miserable all the time - I've seen people get over actual gfs faster. I think it might be like a mental problem to be so into someone you've never really spoken to, really don't know how to snap him out of it.

[JD.27]

Have to bring bad news here, if you've explained the logical side of this to him and he's not budging there's not much else you can do.
He must know it's all in his head, my thoughts are that he's holding on to this fantasy vision of her and whatever their relationship is/isn't to avoid facing up to reality. He's far too old to be walking around like a schoolboy with a crush especially for this long.

[jam277]

(Original post by Anonymous)
21! No other gfs but he does get occasional interest (most of them aren't 'his type' though)

He doesn't really know her to make a move on her, he's a little bit stalkery about it too, so he's joined societies he thinks she'll be a part of etc. But like I said don't think she even knows he exists and probably never will (different friends groups/type of people entirely).

Couple months back we found out she has a bf and he got all depressed for like weeks and weeks, listening to marvin's room on loop (no troll) and being miserable all the time - I've seen people get over actual gfs faster. I think it might be like a mental problem to be so into someone you've never really spoken to, really don't know how to snap him out of it.

Bloody hell man that's an obsession. why can't he just say hi, or say 'I saw you here blah blah blah.' She's not going to tell him to f off for talking to her. Anyway she has a bf anyway, tell him to man up and move on and don't bother waiting for her to break up.

He listened to marvins room for weeks, bloody hell man. I've gone through oneitis, but this is a big case. Just tell him to find other girls or at least try someone who's not his type, get talking to one girl he might not be totally into at first sight and see where it goes. It'll give him confidence at least

If he's still stubborn, there's not much you can do, set him up with a date maybe if you can?

[Anonymous]

(Original post by JD.27)
Have to bring bad news here, if you've explained the logical side of this to him and he's not budging there's not much else you can do.
He must know it's all in his head, my thoughts are that he's holding on to this fantasy vision of her and whatever their relationship is/isn't to avoid facing up to reality. He's far too old to be walking around like a schoolboy with a crush especially for this long.

I'm set to house share with him and really want him to snap out of it, is frustrating not being able to do anything but you might be right.

(Original post by jam277)
Bloody hell man that's an obsession. why can't he just say hi, or say 'I saw you here blah blah blah.' She's not going to tell him to f off for talking to her. Anyway she has a bf anyway, tell him to man up and move on and don't bother waiting for her to break up.

He listened to marvins room for weeks, bloody hell man. I've gone through oneitis, but this is a big case. Just tell him to find other girls or at least try someone who's not his type, get talking to one girl he might not be totally into at first sight and see where it goes. It'll give him confidence at least

If he's still stubborn, there's not much you can do, set him up with a date maybe if you can?

He can't try it on with her cause he never sees her, this whole thing is based on like one meeting, where he was talking to her friend not even her. The rest of this is all some weird facebook obsession, he looks through pics of her etc.

I don't think confidence is the problem, nobody else really sees this side of him just me and my four housemates. Everyone else thinks he's perfectly normal

[jam277]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm set to house share with him and really want him to snap out of it, is frustrating not being able to do anything but you might be right.



He can't try it on with her cause he never sees her, this whole thing is based on like one meeting, where he was talking to her friend not even her. The rest of this is all some weird facebook obsession, he looks through pics of her etc.

I don't think confidence is the problem, nobody else really sees this side of him just me and my four housemates. Everyone else thinks he's perfectly normal

Based on one meeting, bloody hell, does she still have a bf? You could say she's taken and he can find someone else, I think he's just attached and lacks confidence that another girl likes him.

I think he's feigning confidence, he thinks she's perfect, but he underestimates how good he is, he's bigging her up but putting himself down.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by jam277)
Based on one meeting, bloody hell, does she still have a bf? You could say she's taken and he can find someone else, I think he's just attached and lacks confidence that another girl likes him.

I think he's feigning confidence, he thinks she's perfect, but he underestimates how good he is, he's bigging her up but putting himself down.

He won't let it go, she's had a bf for ages (over a year) but he only found out a couple months back. Now he's coming up with ways to 'steal' her off him, it's gotten worse since he found out if anything.

I think you're right with feigning confidence, the one time he saw her he said he couldn't say anything (he was already into her through facebook stalking at that point). Everyone seems to be buying it though and he does get attention, just never works out when he actually likes a girl so it's like a cycle that keeps bringing him back to her.

[FrostyLemon]

You could say she died? Just don't tell him where she is buried because corpse ****ing is a no.

[AkDo]

(Original post by Anonymous)
My friend has spent the last two and a half years obsessed with a girl who he barley knows. They've only met once or twice on nights out and that was only an introduction, I don't think she even knows he exists.

I'm trying to get him out but he just keeps telling me how he loves her and she's perfect, which is BS because he doesn't even know her.

How can I help?

Somehow get them to meet up and speed things along. Maybe they'll rock love one day or maybe it'll all fall apart.

[Anonymous]

Listen, your friend is suffering from 'Obsessive Love' - there's a wikipedia article on it. Have you spotted the four cycles in your friend's behaviour? Has he been through the self-destruct stage yet? That's the most intense and worrying phase.

Your friend has a mental health problem and needs medical advice; what he certainly doesn't need is you making silly threads basically making a joke out of him.

[Lucia.]

Bloody hell. That guy is as needy as needy gets.

Tell him to talk to her. He might find they have nothing in common

[foolscap]

(Original post by Lucia.)
Bloody hell. That guy is as needy as needy gets.

Tell him to talk to her. He might find they have nothing in common

Lol get her to turn up unannounced at your flat one day, he'll have the fright of his life then realize that she's nothing how he imagined and then see what happens, it would be so awkward if they don't get on and have nothing in common.

[Hana_87]

Oh....dear.

That's quite extreme. What is so special about her? (Do you think) Is she special looks wise?

People use the saying "To get over a man/woman...get under another one" and whilst i believe sleeping with someone else won't actually help in some cases i have always found getting someone out of your head is definitely made easier with someone else to distract you. Honestly i think that's what your friend needs. It sounds like he wont accept other girls though which could make it rather tricky. :/

[tu_es_jolie_x]

You're friend clearly has issues, and you get him (or you could on his behalf) talk to a professional. If his obsession with this girl intensifies any more he could end up doing something really stupid.