Boys, if a girl told you she wanted to be dominated...

Really?!!

My boyfriend once put his hand across my throat during sex. He got really hurt and offended when I freaked out, and said most women liked it. It nearly killed our sex life completely, it upset me that he would even want to do that to me.

I hate being dominated in any way, although I do get a kick out of dominating a man and him letting me have complete control over him (not something my boyfriend is willing to let me do). I was forcibly raped when I was younger, my boyfriend knew this. Quite why he'd think a girl who had been pinned down and forced for real would want to play at it is completely beyond me At least he's never tried it again...

I have a problem with wanting to be dominated in bed. Most guys have said no. *sniff*

I'd stick a sock in her mouth, place her over my knee and smack her till her butt turned blue just for having the audacity to insinuate that I should be at all concerned with what she wanted

With re to the comments of Ct2k7 and ColonelCuddles, to to the board more generally.

I'm going to express an opinion that might seem strong, but I think it bears saying and a little self-reflection on your part.

The "domination" that many on here seem to reference so approvingly is, in my opinion, a cipher for rape fantasies and one that is even then fundamentally naive. It seems entirely ignorant of its darkness and violence, and the inherently degrading nature of real sexual domination and rape.

Sexual domination is not a bodice babe reluctantly surrendering to the lusty charms of a masculine alpha and losing herself in sexual delight; it's your ex-boyfriend turning up at your house drunk, pushing you to the floor so violently he breaks your nose, ripping off your panties and ****ing you against your will, then leaving as soon as he's cum and calling you a "unfaithful bitch" on the way out for good measure.

It's one of your mates coming onto you towards the end of a two day coke binge, and then becoming so frustrated at your failure to reciprocate that he goes into the next room where his wife is sleeping and just starts having sex with her.

I don't think that many of you really understand what it is; you don't understand the frustration and trauma and violence. I hate to pull the age card, but you people are, what 19 and 20 year olds? I think when you've seen its ugliness you can't help but be repulsed by someone purporting to fantasise about some facsimile of sexual domination (i.e. the nullification or overcoming of consent, rape).

I've always had pretty liberal sexual mores, but at that age I can't recall wanting anything other than fun, hot, mutually enjoyable sex.

Edit:


You're 21 ffs! It's normal for women in England who haven't even graduated to be into violent sex? I must be getting old; I used to be "with it", but now what I'm "with" isn't it, and what "it" is seems weird and scary to me.

@ the other poster who referenced sharps play, I personally wouldn't do it but it is fundamentally consensual and about playing with sensation, not pretending you're a Viking ravishing a nun on Lindisfarne.

I have to confess that when I see a really fit guy, nice biceps, masculine, tallish, the most base sexual instincts come to the fore and I think, "I wouldn't mind being manhandled by him!", and then 100,000 years of evolution kicks in and I think, "until I did mind". It's not about domination, it's always consensual, and I'd always want a cuddle at the end!

Listen, if a girl says do what you want to me, ****ing do it. Girls are just as filthy as us men are.

I have a problem with wanting to be dominated in bed. Most guys have said no. *sniff*

Find that hard to believe tbh..

Maybe it's the kind of guys you attract/go for.

Probably.

I'm working on it.

So, basically, if a couple enjoy engaging in rough sex- the man secretly enjoys rape and the girl... secretly enjoys it too?

Its kinky, its fun, its raw, its cathartic. I dont take dominating to the extent of some (I personally dont go as far as to hit my girlfriend) but if thats what people are into, so be it.

In my opinion there is no link between aggressive sex, between two consenting adults, and rape. Because the both parties are consenting. The guy know the girl enjoys it, and visa versa.

One theory stems from the fact that free sex (until recent decades) was viewed as 'wrong' by many people, so enforcing it, as it were, means that the receiving participant can enjoy it without feeling guilty of the 'wrongness' (awkward wording but it was something like that, from what I remember).

The point doesnt matter, what does matter is you should not be so condescending as to claim that the sex between a couple is somehow 'wrong' because you dont see the appeal.


Connecting it to rape is absolutely ridiculous. It does not reflect on the two individuals as having degrading personality traits at all.

As a final note- anyone who frowns upon or claims in any way (as you have done) that what two consenting adults get up to in their sexual lives is in some way 'not what should be done' is at best prudish, and at worst, completely idiotic. It is almost as bad as people who claim gay sex is 'wrong'.

Rule no1 about thoughts on kink: if people enjoy it, that's their business, you have no right to look down on them, or to attribute their activities to something as vile as rape.