Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Boys Am I the worst type of girlfriend?

I am not using my past history as an excuse to how I now beahve but I do think it has alot to do with why I think/ do what I do

Background is that I was quite a late developer I had my first boyfriend at 18, I had never 'felt' anything for a man before I just found them annoying and time consuming I had 'boyfriends' since i was 14 but i just dated them to fit in I didnt actually like them, nor did i do anyting sexual with them so when they ended I didnt care. I was quite a chilled person I was very hard to wind up or upset most of my friends were guys so I pretty quick at the sex banter and the being taken fun off. My ex was like this always joking etc and I was the same so we got on great. I had never had a guy actually fancy me the boys at school always overlooked me and as I said i was a late developer so i guess you could say I was scared of boys, so i loved his compliments when he said I was beautiful i started to believe it. When it came girls I was beyond chilled most gfs would freak out at their bf going to a party with girls, having a girlf best friend, going to a sleep over of girls I just didnt care I trusted him and I guess naively I didn think he was that sort of person. I thought I loved him I wouldnt cheat he must be just like me. When he cancelled on me too see another girl as 'friends' I was ok with it. We had a very chilled relationship but I was madly in love with him I was i suppose over affectionate towards him I waited on him hand and foot, cooked for him drove him everywhere. Then stuff started to change I became obsessed with how I looked unless he said I looked nice I felt crap, going out for dinner resulted in days of planning an outfit, hours of makeup, i started to get more obsessed with my appearence and weight when he made comments 'cant you put some more make up on before we go out look look digsuting' or him telling me how fit this other girl was she was skinny, made up and looked like a barbie and slowly I became that I shrunk to a size 0 I basically didnt eat all I cared about was pleasing him. I started to say sorry constantly when he would get upset if i made a joke, if i spoke to another boy hed say i was leaving him or cheating on him so i cut myself of from everybody he was my life. Slowly I started to realise He wasnt the guy i thought I got emails from girls he was sleeping with telling me and I chose to ignore them. I lost everything about me I wasnt the old me I was some quiet shy timid girl who didnt speak a word. He then left me and it transpired he had cheated on me the whole realtionship, I was just sex, he was bored and nobody else would date him.

I think im the worst gf now, im with a new guy but im loosing him because im such a cow, I hate being close I dont like him touching me, I dont believe it when he says nice things, I cant trust him I think hes cheating I constantly accuse him I get violent which i know is awful not in a aggresive way but if i get upset il lash out, I act like I hate himm I go days with not talkng to him. Do you think the way my ex treated me contributed to this is it possible to be emotionally scared at a young age? or am i realy just a bitch

Reply 1

Ryan_94

You need to recover from emotional damage and rebuild your self-esteem. Not all guys are bad, but there are a few! :frown:

Reply 2

ct2k7

Your trust was broken, it's going to take time to heal - you're not the worst type of girlfriend.

Reply 3

Smerky

Clearly jumped into a relationship with the new guy too soon. You need to chill so that you don't end up taking him for a ride. You know how that feels after all.

Reply 4

Lucia.

Original post by Anonymous

We had a very chilled relationship but I was madly in love with him I was i suppose over affectionate towards him I waited on him hand and foot, cooked for him drove him everywhere.

You sound sweet so don't feel bad about that. I was like that with my first boyfriend. It was because he didn't show me enough affection so I was clinging onto by trying to be the best girlfriend ever.

Original post by Anonymous

when he made comments 'cant you put some more make up on before we go out look look digsuting' or him telling me how fit this other girl was she was skinny, made up and looked like a barbie and slowly I became that I shrunk to a size 0 I basically didnt eat all I cared about was pleasing him.

He was emotionally abusive. There's no other way to describe it. It seems the to me that you lacked self-esteem before you got together with him so you became a target for attracting that kind of guy. You only have to be aware and love yourself more so the guys who take advantage won't end up dating you.

Original post by Anonymous

if i spoke to another boy hed say i was leaving him or cheating on him so i cut myself of from everybody he was my life.

Yet more evidence of an abusive and controlling personality. Be thankful you're not with him any more.

Original post by Anonymous

I got emails from girls he was sleeping with telling me and I chose to ignore them.

Why? I guess you idolised him so much, so you were willing to tolerate more than you should have. My first boyfriend was emotionally abusive so I know how it feels. I didn't know any different at the time so I put with a lot of rubbish.

Original post by Anonymous

I hate being close I dont like him touching me, I dont believe it when he says nice things, I cant trust him I think hes cheating I constantly accuse him I get violent which i know is awful not in a aggresive way but if i get upset il lash out, I act like I hate himm I go days with not talkng to him. Do you think the way my ex treated me contributed to this is it possible to be emotionally scared at a young age? or am i realy just a bitch

You're not a bitch. Tell him that your ex was emotionally abusive so you find it harder to be closer to people. Tell him that you really love him.

Original post by Smerky

Clearly jumped into a relationship with the new guy too soon. You need to chill so that you don't end up taking him for a ride. You know how that feels after all.