[Orphan]

When I was living with mum and dad it was taken for granted that I would have a lock on my bedroom door. But after they were killed I moved in my GParents where having a lock that was considered totally, 100% impossible. It caused so much friction and angst between us that finally boiled over into really serious issues and in the end to me moving back to the family home where I lived on my own for all of year 12.

Was I being unreasonable expecting some certainty of privacy?

[SummerAnthems]

You don't need a lock on your door to be certain of privacy. A lock on your door indicates there's no trust between your grandparents and you. Instead you should respect each other; they should respect that you want privacy and knock before coming in and you should respect that they do not want a lock on your door just in case.

[Origami Bullets]

I always wanted a lock on my door when I was living at home, and was never allowed one.

As soon as I had one, at uni, I never bothered using it!

[Lumos]

are you allowed to live alone at 16? but in any case, I would have thought your grandparents would be sensetive to an issue like that after something so traumatic had happened.. I'm so sorry about your parents did your grandparents not agree to some other system, like not coming in without knocking?

[Orphan]

(Original post by Orphan)
When I was living with mum and dad it was taken for granted that I would have a lock on my bedroom door. But after they were killed I moved in my GParents where having a lock that was considered totally, 100% impossible. It caused so much friction and angst between us that finally boiled over into really serious issues and in the end to me moving back to the family home where I lived on my own for all of year 12.

Was I being unreasonable expecting some certainty of privacy?

Sorry it should be "..... all of year 13".

[liam1994]

I don't have a lock on my door... If the door is closed, they knock or most of the time leave me alone anyway.
So yes, I think it is unreasonable. You should of talked it through and come to an agreement.

Out of curiosity... How did you pay for bills etc in your old home?

[Orphan]

About 80% of the time they used to knock, wait about 3 seconds and come in regardless. About 20% of the time they just blundered in.

[jennifex]

(Original post by Orphan)

Was I being unreasonable expecting some certainty of privacy?

No I don't think you were being unreasonable to ask for it, when you are 16 you should be entitled to your own space. But perhaps there are ways of approaching these things and compromising, it sounded like it got a bit nasty. It probably wasn't worth risking your relationship with your grandparents for?

[Orphan]

(Original post by liam1994)
I don't have a lock on my door... If the door is closed, they knock or most of the time leave me alone anyway.
So yes, I think it is unreasonable. You should of talked it through and come to an agreement.

Out of curiosity... How did you pay for bills etc in your old home?

I had an allowance taken from the money mum and dad left me. My aunt (mums sister and uncle (dad's brother) helped me with looking after my money but it wasn't easy.

[Orphan]

After a quick burst of activity this thread died. A pity because it became a major issue to me and helped make a bad situation worse.

[alexsasg]

(Original post by Orphan)
After a quick burst of activity this thread died. A pity because it became a major issue to me and helped make a bad situation worse.

How has it made a bad situation worse?

To be honest, I don't think a lock is entirely necessary...if your door's shut and your grandparents respect your privacy, there's not really a need for one. Also, as one of the other posters said, it really just says to your grandparents that there's no trust between all of you.

[Orphan]

It made things worse because I was already stressed and sad because of mum and dad's accident and a few pounds spent on a bolt for the door would have made a big difference to me. I was paying quite a lot of rent to live in their house and I don't reckon that a lodger would be expected to have a room with no privacy.

As I said earlier about 80% of the time they used to knock, wait about 3 seconds and come in regardless. About 20% of the time they just blundered in. I think its a matter of a 17 year old girl being able to dressed or undressed or whatever without wondering if her 70 year old granddad is going to walk in.

But I can understand where you are all coming from on the trust issue. Does trust trump modesty?

[RibenaRockstar]

I understand where you're coming from - was there no way you could have jammed a chair under the door handle or something?

At the moment I'm in the loft bedroom in my house but next year my brother and I are swapping since I'll be away at uni, and as that room is off the landing I really would quite like a lock or a bolt or something - but since it's taken my family about five years of asking to put a lock on the downstairs loo I'm guessing it's not going to happen XD

[Anonymous]

If you were paying your grandparents rent then of course you are entitled to at least get a lock, especially if you are a girl. You're right. I'm a girl and I feel like having a lock is kind of necessary especially if the people you're staying with don't really appreciate the idea of privacy and locking.

Sorry, but I just find it kind of shocking that your grandparents were making you pay rent for staying with them.

[Orphan]

(Original post by Anonymous)
If you were paying your grandparents rent then of course you are entitled to at least get a lock, especially if you are a girl. You're right. I'm a girl and I feel like having a lock is kind of necessary especially if the people you're staying with don't really appreciate the idea of privacy and locking.

Sorry, but I just find it kind of shocking that your grandparents were making you pay rent for staying with them.

I agree but when God was giving out compassion my Granddad wasn't around. Anyway we would have "words" about my lack of privacy but if we had "words" I would usually come home from school to find my tea (for which I had also paid) on the bird table.

So all in all year 12 wasn't great.

[aspiringabstract]

I think you are a very strong person to have gone through that situation after having lost your parents and coming out sane. Three cheers!

[Orphan]

Thank you!

[Pomppufiilis]

Be thankful you have a door. My door broke 10 years ago and it is physically impossible to close. I have spent my entire adolescence with a curtain at head height as a door. My parents still knock on the wall before coming in though. I think it was a bit rich of your grandparents to ask for rent though and be so hostile.

N.B. the door was and has not been fixed due to the fact that it's not really a problem and installing a new door is too much fuss.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Orphan]

When mum and dad were killed I needed somewhere to live. As I didn't want to change schools in the middle of my AS year the only place I could go was my nan and granddads. The trouble was that they didn't want me and the only way they would agree to be living there was if I paid the full commercial rent for the room. I was so unhappy there that at the start of year 13 I moved back into the family home and lived there on my own. It was like escaping from a prison! I have no idea why they were like this to me because they had plenty of money and space??

[Orphan]

When I went back over Christmas (the family home had been rented out by then) they still hadn't sorted the door out.

Luckily it didn't matter because they went away from 21st December until the 28th having thought I could stay at the university for the Christmas week.