So here it is the only place i seem to be able to let my thoughts run wild. Basically i woke up today feeling depressed, i spent all day trying to keep myself busy but i messed up and i went into a dark abyss and my thoughts spiraled out of control. I have felt down before but i honestly have hit rock bottom today. I'm a failure always have been, always will be i failed at education, jobs and girlfriends. I can't help the way i feel i hate it, i hate myself and everything around me, the 'friends' i have don't even know no one does i hide behind the jokes and the smiles but inside i am dying. I have no idea what to do...
I'm really sorry you feel this way.
This message really struck a nerve, because I used to feel exactly like this. I used to feel as if no-one could relate to my problems, or my feelings, so I just bottled them in. Let me tell you right now - you CAN'T carry on telling nobody about these feelings you've got. It'll just eat away at you; if you could tell anyone, even one person such as your mum, or your closest friend, then it'll make such a difference. Trust me when I say that.
And as for your consistent dwelling on being a failure - you need to stop worrying about that. I know it's pretty much easier said than done, but if you just alter the way you look at things - focus on the present and future instead of the past - it'll also make a HUGE difference into how you think. Think more positively. You mentioned the fact that you're struggling to get a job; there are so many websites such as Totaljobs, Indeed and Reed, to name a few, that advertise a variety of jobs. Just keep searching and you WILL find some that suit your requirements.
Again, I am sorry you feel this way, but I hope I've motivated you in any way to get back up and face the stress life often throws at you; I say this from personal experience. If you need any help whatsoever, I'd be more than happy to answer any of your messages.