[Anonymous]

For as long as I can remember, and i'm 18, i've never really been able to hold a serious conversation, only really with very close friends.

Most of the time I just joke and try and make laughter, be the funy guy. I used to think this was good but now i realise i'm terrible at actually having a genuine (not necessarily serious though) conversation.

I kinda tongue-tie, and am pretty awkward, and almost always run out of things to say. This is worse around girls ( im a guy).


What can I do to help? I'm joining toastmasters tomorrow to help public speaking but doubt that will help 1-1 conversation...

[Bollo's Lovechild]

This could've been written word-for-word about me with the exception of toastmasters.

I always wonder how other people keep each other entertained when they run out of conversation topics or there are awkward silences (or do they just not care?).
Increasingly, I find the conversations I'm having are frustratingly formulaic, but when an interesting topic comes up, it flits to the next topic almost instantaneously and like you said it happens mostly around girls - the joking around to prolong conversation makes you look goofy and the awkward pauses, incompetent.

Another thing I find annoying is I get the feeling that the other person always wants me to entertain them, and not the other way round. Do you get that too, OP?

I think we could do with some advice from the lovely folk of TSR, it would be much appreciated!

[Kage]

Yeah I feel like that. When out with a girl, I typically find myself feeling like I'm the one that has to be in control and come up with topics.
You find it doesn't really happen like that when actually out with one 1-1, but I have had a few awkward silences in the past.

[systeric]

(Original post by Anonymous)
For as long as I can remember, and i'm 18, i've never really been able to hold a serious conversation, only really with very close friends.

Most of the time I just joke and try and make laughter, be the funy guy. I used to think this was good but now i realise i'm terrible at actually having a genuine (not necessarily serious though) conversation.

I kinda tongue-tie, and am pretty awkward, and almost always run out of things to say. This is worse around girls ( im a guy).


What can I do to help? I'm joining toastmasters tomorrow to help public speaking but doubt that will help 1-1 conversation...

First off, don't try too hard to be the funny guy. Humour's obviously fine in context but if your attempts sometimes bomb, you're probably overdoing it.

Second, try to keep a majority of the focus on the other person. Find topics which interest them and show genuine interest yourself. Once you find a person's 'hot topics' they'll often be pretty talkative - and you won't have to support most of the weight of the conversation yourself. Seriously, a good coversationalist isn't necessarily someone who has unlimited things to say. It's more important to be a good listener. Most people hate to listen but love to talk. Be the exception and people will enjoy talking to you.

Also, remember that conversation is a two way street. It's not entirely your responsibility to keep things flowing. Don't feel that you always have to fill any silence that arises. It's fine to let a conversation die down at certain points and then wait for the other person to re-initiate. Things will tend to run more smoothly if you're not the one fighting tooth and nail to keep a conversation going.

[ZizziHikaru]

(Original post by Bollo's Lovechild)
I always wonder how other people keep each other entertained when they run out of conversation topics or there are awkward silences (or do they just not care?).

It often involves conversation about unbearably bland subjects e.g. television, who vommed the night before, and exactly what the problem with one's MOT was. I always wonder, do people actually enjoy this sort of conversation or just pretend to?

[Knighted]

tbh when I run out of **** to talk about and I've managed to get the girl laughing a fair bit/into talking to me. I challenge her to come up with something to talk about. if she finds it difficult just ask her questions and ****, she will naturally be able to turn that into a conversation.

[Mad Cat Lady]

I used to be like this, still am a bit. The main thing to remember is that silence is ok - its not there because you're being boring or awkward, it's there because the conversation naturally lulled, as they do, and you're not obliged to say anything, they might feel exactly the same anxiety about it! Or maybe it can make you look all mysterious or something to the laydees

If there are a lot of silences or the other person is being unresponsive to your humour, you could attempt to tone it down a bit and maybe a more serious conversation can start to flow, you just have to try it. And if it just doesn't work, you guys are probably not compatible, it happens. I dunno maybe that wasn't good advice, but I am very tired.