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Is it true that confidence is the main point of attraction for girls?

Hi, firstly I'd just like to say I'm not a 'player' or anything, I like to treat girls with respect and I like to think I'm a nice and respectable guy.

Now i'm 18 years old, and I've had a girlfriend of 6 months when I was 17, which was when I lost my virginity. I started going out with her just before my 17th birthday, and she also happened to be my first kiss. Before that, I was always shy around girls, never had any luck and hardly ever talked to girls if at all. I don't think I'm good looking at all, in some pictures from parties and stuff I look very ugly, yet when I look in the mirror or in some photos I think I look above average looks wise.

Now i'd say my first girlfriend looks wise was about an 8/10, she was very pretty, and since then I have been with quite a few other girls as my confidence has built, and all of the time they have been very pretty girls. I've recently come back from a lads holiday where I got with 5 girls who were all at least a 6 or 7 out of 10, and even though I regret it, I did end up having sex with one of them.

The thing is that since my first girlfriend, I have confidence with girls now, I try and make conversation with them, and when I go to clubs I dance like a crazy guy - but the girls seem to like that. I just don't understand how I am doing it though, because honestly I don't think i'm anything amazing looks wise, I know a lot of people will say 'looks don't matter' but in the club environment on holiday where the majority of girls are just looking to pull, they will usually go for the hotter ones.

Girls, do you think that confidence is the most important thing? And to guys who are having problems out there - I was in the same position 2 years ago but it seems that being confident has helped so much.

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Reply 1
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Anybody?
Reply 2
Avatar for Tedaus
Tedaus
8
Yeah it is for a relationship, not for a one night stand, unless you talk to them for a while in the club outside or something.

Oh, and don't judge how you look on bad pictures on Facebook. EVERYONE has bad pictures on Facebook.
Reply 3
Avatar for ken2
ken2
News flash you are a player.
You wont accept it now but give it some time.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9100
Reply 4
Avatar for ildaf123
ildaf123
4
Its a tricky one I think, because I guess in a club sort of environment you need confidence to get girls, or else you will just be staring at a girl from accross the room and nothing will happen, unless of course you get approached but girls don't like to do the approaching most of the time.

I do find confident guys sexy, but its quite charming and endearing when a guy is quite shy and in some ways I prefer that, especially because every 'confident' guy I have been with has been an arse ,but I don't think the confidence is what is attractive exactly I just think its sometimes neccessary in order for things to get started with someone!
1341781882196.jpg

Confidence is a lie people say to ugly people.
Reply 6
Avatar for Lucia.
Lucia.
16
Confidence is attractive to anyone, male or female. But it has to be real and not fake confidence. So it can't be a facade. It has to be deep-rooted.
Reply 7
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by ildaf123
Its a tricky one I think, because I guess in a club sort of environment you need confidence to get girls, or else you will just be staring at a girl from accross the room and nothing will happen, unless of course you get approached but girls don't like to do the approaching most of the time.

I do find confident guys sexy, but its quite charming and endearing when a guy is quite shy and in some ways I prefer that, especially because every 'confident' guy I have been with has been an arse ,but I don't think the confidence is what is attractive exactly I just think its sometimes neccessary in order for things to get started with someone!


I know what you mean, I still am a shy person, and by being confident I don't mean that I am cocky and one of those creeps that hangs around girls and grinds any girl he can see to try and get them back to their place. I would just say that I am now not scared to start conversations with girls, i'll go up and talk to them, i'll dance with girls and I don't feel as self concious any more.

But yeah, I think i agree with what you said
Reply 8
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by ken2
News flash you are a player.
You wont accept it now but give it some time.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9100


I'm not at all! I am an average looking guy at best, and I only go out looking to have fun, I don't go 'looking to pull'
Reply 9
Avatar for Lucia.
Lucia.
16
You can be slightly shy and still be confident. Confident people aren't always the loudest. Just remember that. Play to your strengths. Have the courage when you need it, but you don't have to be the "life and soul of the party" to be attractive to women.
Reply 10
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Lucia.
You can be slightly shy and still be confident. Confident people aren't always the loudest. Just remember that. Play to your strengths. Have the courage when you need it, but you don't have to be the "life and soul of the party" to be attractive to women.


I agree with that, so often I see guys trying too hard and it just looks so cringe. I think there needs to be a balance.
Reply 11
Avatar for ken2
ken2
Original post by Anonymous
I'm not at all! I am an average looking guy at best, and I only go out looking to have fun, I don't go 'looking to pull'


Right:wink:

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9100
Original post by Anonymous
Is it true that confidence is the main point of attraction for girls?

Yes! That and being able to tell that eye contact + smile is a sign to go and talk to the girl... you can try the whole grind approach but unless she is a complete whore, you'd get nowhere and/or a slap.

Basically you need to have confidence, be able to read body language and have positive body language of your own and you should be set :smile:
Reply 13
Avatar for ct2k7
ct2k7
13
And don't be overconfident, cocky etc.
Original post by ct2k7
And don't be overconfident, cocky etc.

No cockiness is good, so is arrogance, self-involvement, vainness et al but bragging about ones finances is not!!! I heard some prick go on and on about how rich he was yet had little money to back it up when I saw him at the bar... that said, he was wearing nice clothes (along the same lines of what I wear) so he could be but he refuses to buy others drinks? :lol:
Reply 15
Avatar for ct2k7
ct2k7
13
Original post by tehFrance
No cockiness is good, so is arrogance, self-involvement, vainness et al but bragging about ones finances is not!!! I heard some prick go on and on about how rich he was yet had little money to back it up when I saw him at the bar... that said, he was wearing nice clothes (along the same lines of what I wear) so he could be but he refuses to buy others drinks? :lol:


A little bit is good, but not too much, just know your limits and be comfortable with yourself, is what I stand by.

Gimme a man!
On holiday I barely spoke to any girls because I didn't have much confidence but on the last day I was like "**** it, might as well speak to someone" and I spoke to 2 girls and they said "your really confident for an 18 year old and that's really good, girls love confidence".... Trust me, just have confidence but not arrogance.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Non private confidence is arrogance.
True confidence is a quiet, stable undercurrent.
A woman who want's an outward show of bravado is shallow herself.
Be confident in yourself.
But learn restraint in presuming success, unless you succumb to the oldest trick, the mother of all F*** ups...
Original post by imasupercoolgeek
I spoke to 2 girls and they said "your really confident for an 18 year old and that's really good, girls love confidence"


Then they went a banged some buff macho stud in the toilets
Reply 19
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Lucia.
You can be slightly shy and still be confident. Confident people aren't always the loudest. Just remember that. Play to your strengths. Have the courage when you need it, but you don't have to be the "life and soul of the party" to be attractive to women.


I agree with that, so often I see guys trying too hard and it just looks so cringe. I think there needs to be a balance.

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