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Lack of friends - Am I normal?

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    For most of my life I've had a fairly weak social life, but now it's got to the point where next to nobody talks to me. I can go weeks without a single person contacting me.

    I feel abnormal because it gets to me a lot, and I feel really depressed all the time. I want to accept it but I can't. The problem is that I WANT to socialise with people, and not be stuck in all day. I just feel like I'm wasting my life.

    When I was revising for my A-levels it was a little better, because atleast then staying all the time meant I was actually doing something useful. But now, I just sit around and watch TV all day. I'm not sure whether I'm so upset because it's the summer, or that being a loner has finally caught up with me. All I know is that I'm scared and really want to find a way to stop feeling so down about it.

    Can anyone help?
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    Start getting involved with things ,join in activities or anything else that happening maybe u could volunteer for charity and get to meet loads of new people are you generally a very social person ? Do u have difficulty in making friends ?
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    No.

    You are unique.


    Just like everybody else.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by fiza_1)
    Start getting involved with things ,join in activities or anything else that happening maybe u could volunteer for charity and get to meet loads of new people are you generally a very social person ? Do u have difficulty in making friends ?
    I guess I can be a little socially awkward, but I do feel I've befriended the wrong people over the years. Surely not everyone can hate me? :/ I'll be going university soon, and I really hope I can make friends there. I'm really scared though.
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    You used the phrase next to no one, so assuming that there is someone to talk to, you could text them and see how they are and what they want to do.
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    I say that you should perhaps contact them, if you have their numbers - try and arrange a day out where you can all have some fun and talk about how your summer's going. I'm sure there will be a couple of people who are planning to do some exciting things. This would give you the chance to get yourself involved in these events, and try to talk to your friends about how you want to stay close with them throughout the summer.

    Alternatively, you can do so many brilliant and fun things to do without friends (trust me on this one!). You can go cycling, you can join classes (guitar, art, anything really), you can set yourself a target e.g. read fifty books before the end of summer, you can get a part-time job to do something productive whilst getting paid for it, or perhaps if you want to gain some experience, go volunteer somewhere, anywhere!

    These are just a few things to do before summer's out to ensure that you've not wasted your time. Of course you're normal - I had this same problem last year, and spent the entire summer moping around doing nothing. There are so many people who in the exact same position as you are in now. Honestly - it gets so much better. I hope I've helped you at least a little, and if you have any questions, I'd be more than happy to help.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess I can be a little socially awkward, but I do feel I've befriended the wrong people over the years. Surely not everyone can hate me? :/ I'll be going university soon, and I really hope I can make friends there. I'm really scared though.
    Dont worry i understand what you mean trust me there are a lot of people jus like you but they all think they are alone ,what are your hobbies ? What you going to be studying in uni ? And dont be scared its perfectly normal trust me sometimes its really good to be on your own n i am sure you will meet some really cool people in uni
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    Hey don't worry about it. Some people have to go through this in their lives and the only way to make things better...is to go out there and make it happen. Join a club, get talking with people online, arrange a meet up. Or if things just don't seem to be moving, improve yourself, take on new challenges, whether you want to be more healthy, write or draw something, take something up to fill in the void. You can be a better person and you'll overcome your problems in time. Its just taking a few hard steps to make things better for yourself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I guess I can be a little socially awkward, but I do feel I've befriended the wrong people over the years. Surely not everyone can hate me? :/ I'll be going university soon, and I really hope I can make friends there. I'm really scared though.
    Well this is pretty much it. You have the opportunity to pull a complete 180 on your current life. Make the most of it at uni.
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    Join a social networking site like Twitter (if you haven't done so already) and meet new people through there who share common interests...
    Or if you've got a talent or hobby then join a club and again meet people who share that common interest, and that'll give you something to talk about as well.


    And smile it'll naturally attract people to you..
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    you need to get out there and join actitivites and meet people
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    You're bascially like me mate. I don't go out the house much, hardly have any friends & am shy. When you're at Uni don't make the same mistake that I did & shy away from joining clubs/societies, go to the gym. This will deffo help & try & string up convos with the people there & even if some idiots end up ignoring you, don't be put off. Good luck
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    Get a job, it'll sort everything out. You'll be forced to meet and talk to new people, as they'll be your work colleagues and that'll bring you out of your shell.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For most of my life I've had a fairly weak social life, but now it's got to the point where next to nobody talks to me. I can go weeks without a single person contacting me.

    I feel abnormal because it gets to me a lot, and I feel really depressed all the time. I want to accept it but I can't. The problem is that I WANT to socialise with people, and not be stuck in all day. I just feel like I'm wasting my life.

    When I was revising for my A-levels it was a little better, because atleast then staying all the time meant I was actually doing something useful. But now, I just sit around and watch TV all day. I'm not sure whether I'm so upset because it's the summer, or that being a loner has finally caught up with me. All I know is that I'm scared and really want to find a way to stop feeling so down about it.

    Can anyone help?
    I was in exactly the same position as yourself last year!!

    One piece of advice I have to give is throw yourself into everything you can at uni. I did this in my first term and it was great. Make sure you go to freshers fair and sign up to a lot of stuff that sounds interesting; language societies, extreme-sports, cheese society, even pokemon society, whatever you do you'll meet some great people, even if you're not necessarily serious about the subject. I've ended up being elected president of the society for my subject .
    Secondly, don't rely on having your flatmates as your closest friends. Yes, keep them close, but invite people from your course over to your flat for lunch or whatever, arrange a night out and you'll soon start to notice a network forming, and your social life improves.

    People will sometimes not return such favours, in which case don't bother to waste time on them again, but stay friendly. Also keep busy on FB and Twitter. Post interesting things and people will comment (a lot of the time personally) on what you have written.

    As for now, you only have two months left really and they will fly by I promise you - but do something productive. Whether it's get through a TV series, read a load of books (classics keep you real busy), or start gardening or something. Also, if you can't get a job, consider doing something like eBaying. It sounds naff, but it plugs a hole in your finances if you haven't got a job
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    I don't have many 'real' friends. I know lots of people, from school, from college and from work, but honestly I only talk to about 5 non-family friends on a regular basis. I don't go out that often either, perhaps a couple of times a month ATM.

    You're not alone.
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    Hi , I'm probably just reiterating everything that's been said but I've also been there, so I know how frustrating things can feel at times.

    However you are most definitely not abnormal for feeling like this. Summer can sometimes feel like a long empty period if you're not doing constructive things.

    Why not try going out a little bit, even if it's just for a walk or to the shops. Contact your friends and just ask them how they are and their summers are going, even meet up with them if you can. Perhaps read or set yourself a little project of some sort?

    Remember you have university to look forward too, which will be a completely new opportunity for you to meet new people and socialise.

    Good luck with everything,
    xx


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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    (Original post by Beatlemania)
    I don't have many 'real' friends. I know lots of people, from school, from college and from work, but honestly I only talk to about 5 non-family friends on a regular basis. I don't go out that often either, perhaps a couple of times a month ATM.

    You're not alone.
    I am EXACTLY this. Oooh cruel fate...
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    It's normal - I'm home for uni summer holidays and I didn't have many school friends as it was, and now they've mainly moved away for jobs (I live in a small, depressed town!) and therefore I have no friends here. It's a bit embarrassing when friends from uni ask what I've been up to and it's blatantly obvious that I've not socialised whatsoever. It's hard to make friends, people say "join a group" - this is something that isn't particularly feasible, what sort of group?! I go to the gym, aerobics and have a part time job and that's about it- all my other interests are ones I do on my own at home. Even doing some sort of activity doesn't mean you talk to the people there, let alone make friends with them. OP- you will honestly make friends at uni, when you live with people or see people day in day out you can't help but make friends unless you're very unlucky.
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    getting involve in different activities will help u to become socially aware. try to hang out with friends and family to get exposure and find something new outside the home.
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    (Original post by Wltsm)
    Get a job, it'll sort everything out. You'll be forced to meet and talk to new people, as they'll be your work colleagues and that'll bring you out of your shell.
    WTF I have a job, but I don't talk to my colleagues because they bully me. If the OP has any sense he would ignore his colleagues too. Socialising at work is dangerous. Just earn your money, then leave. Fast.

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Updated: July 23, 2012
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