[Anonymous]

I'm feeling terrible as I write this but I need to vent my feelings. Ok, I met up with somebody from the internet a few months back as she was looking for new people to meet because she was new to my town. We went out about 4 times and at that stage she was single.
Anyway when we were out one day we were discussing dating and she said she had dated all sorts of people and that she wanted somebody that was intelligent amongst other things. There was me thinking that I had a chance and I had wanted to ask her out there and then but it didn't feel right.

A few days later I regretted not asking her so in a moment of madness I sent her an email asking her out. I only did this because she was on the same dating site as I am and I was worried that she may end up meeting somebody so I didn't want to wait until I next saw her in person.
She has replied just now saying that she is dating somebody and that basically finds me ugly and so isn't interested.

I'm hurting like hell at the moment. I am 23 and have NEVER even been kissed. What is so wrong with me? I see lots of people who would be considered ugly by most people in relationships, some even having kids. This is the first time I have ever asked someone out.
I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems that I should quit looking because it has been confirmed that I am ugly, yes by one girl but if I wasn't ugly something would have happened by now.

Why is life so unfair? My younger sisters are in relationships and that fact hurts so much. I wanted to find a nice girl, and have a kid or two in the future but to be honest I think my chances are over now. Who is gunna be interested in a saddo virgin of my age?

[The Bishman]

Harsh man. Try not to let what she said get you down. Anyone who says something like that to another person isn't the sort of person you should be with anyway. I'm sure you'll find somebody. I've always found that it's when you don't want any attention you seem to actually get people asking.

[pinkangelgirl]

did she say that exactly? Maybe youve interpreted her wrong?

[Harmonic Minor]

Two things you did wrong:

1. Meeting up with people over internet (well, maybe not completely avoidable, but still)

2. Asking her out via email. Girls like romance, this is the least romantic way you could ask someone out

Are you sure you're 'ugly'? Maybe you just need to clean up your look, get better clothes, haircut, go to the gym, or something.

Everyone gets rejected sometime, you have to learn to pick yourself up afterwards

[Anonymous]

She said "being physically attracted to my partner is really important to me and that would be one thing stopping me from pursuing a relationship with you" So yeah she called me ugly which is fair enough, at least she is honest.

[Harmonic Minor]

(Original post by Anonymous)
She said "being physically attracted to my partner is really important to me and that would be one thing stopping me from pursuing a relationship with you" So yeah she called me ugly which is fair enough, at least she is honest.

She didn't call you ugly though, she said she just wasn't physically attracted to you.

Okay, I can see how that could basically be a nice way of saying 'you're ugly' but chances are unless you're really unattractive in all natural looks/weight/dress/general demeanor someone out there will find you attractive(and note that the latter three of those can be changed with some effort).

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Harmonic Minor)
Two things you did wrong:

1. Meeting up with people over internet (well, maybe not completely avoidable, but still)

2. Asking her out via email. Girls like romance, this is the least romantic way you could ask someone out

Are you sure you're 'ugly'? Maybe you just need to clean up your look, get better clothes, haircut, go to the gym, or something.

Everyone gets rejected sometime, you have to learn to pick yourself up afterwards

I met her from the Internet basically because I wanted to meet new people and i'm shy so it seemed a good idea. We will still see each other as friends and as I said I asked via email in a moment of madness.
I dunno what to do. I want to lose my virginity, though that isn't the reason why I asked her out. I know I need to pick myself up but come on, who is gunna be interested in a 23yr old IT nerd basically who has never even been kissed? In my experience many girls are fakes who are only interested in gangsta boys and the types who are one of the lads and i'm neither so just what is the point of me trying?

[FireGarden]

(Original post by hot hot hot)
sucks to be you

get over it, she clearly said you were ugly and guess you got a small penis too

go to a club then if you wanna lose it but personally i'd reject you

You are literally the worst troll ever, in every sense.

For the OP though, seems to me you probably have a lot less to worry about than you actually think; here's the deal..

23 ain't really all that old. Whoever thinks the stuff you've done with the opposite sex has its credit tied up with age, hasn't got a good idea of what relationships are about. A mature woman wouldn't be bothered; they'd understand it could be for a variety of reasons, not necessarily because you are undesirable.

Now you think, and have had some 'feedback' that you might actually be undesirable; and this is totally an issue. Firstly, I'd like to point out she didn't say "you're ugly", but "I'm not physically attracted to you". The two are not equal. Ugly things, we don't like to look at - all we know from her statement is that she doesn't enjoy your appearance. I bet I could find women some men will think are very attractive, and you wouldn't, and it doesn't mean they are necessarily ugly, just not your type. Of course, I have no idea what you look like. If you're comfortable with it, you could PM me a pic, and I'll be honest about what I think, and perhaps give you some ideas to improve your appearance.

Anyway, the key that told me you are probably not in as much trouble as you think you are - She was the first girl you asked out. What are you expecting? 'Cause it's rare for a girl to ask a man out. Women, in general, think that if a guy likes them, they'll do something about it; and if not, then what's the point in bothering, they're not interested. Men are then left in a "Don't ask, don't get" world when it comes to women. Secondly, how much do you put yourself out there to meet women? Have you joined any clubs?, do you go out with friends of friends?, etc. I have had friends who complain they can't get a girlfriend, and it sometimes became apparent the reason was you can't get a girlfriend if you're not meeting girls. If that's not a problem, then you need to start asking out some girls that you like. Rejection hurts, and you know it, but wouldn't it be worth it if one day, the right girl said yes? They can't say yes to a question that hasn't been asked.

[Laomedeia]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm feeling terrible as I write this but I need to vent my feelings. Ok, I met up with somebody from the internet a few months back as she was looking for new people to meet because she was new to my town. We went out about 4 times and at that stage she was single.
Anyway when we were out one day we were discussing dating and she said she had dated all sorts of people and that she wanted somebody that was intelligent amongst other things. There was me thinking that I had a chance and I had wanted to ask her out there and then but it didn't feel right.

A few days later I regretted not asking her so in a moment of madness I sent her an email asking her out. I only did this because she was on the same dating site as I am and I was worried that she may end up meeting somebody so I didn't want to wait until I next saw her in person.
She has replied just now saying that she is dating somebody and that basically finds me ugly and so isn't interested.

I'm hurting like hell at the moment. I am 23 and have NEVER even been kissed. What is so wrong with me? I see lots of people who would be considered ugly by most people in relationships, some even having kids. This is the first time I have ever asked someone out.
I just don't know what to do anymore. It seems that I should quit looking because it has been confirmed that I am ugly, yes by one girl but if I wasn't ugly something would have happened by now.

Why is life so unfair? My younger sisters are in relationships and that fact hurts so much. I wanted to find a nice girl, and have a kid or two in the future but to be honest I think my chances are over now. Who is gunna be interested in a saddo virgin of my age?

I so badly want to be a millionaire but suck at guessing numbers. So what I do is make the most of what money I do have to enjoy myself. The moral of this post is ***k MORE!

Just because you dont get what you want you get depressed. I swear your like a child.

[pinkangelgirl]

(Original post by Anonymous)
She said "being physically attracted to my partner is really important to me and that would be one thing stopping me from pursuing a relationship with you" So yeah she called me ugly which is fair enough, at least she is honest.

Op, I understand how you have personally translated this to you are ugly, but trust me its not! I have said a similar (but in a slightly nicer way i hope) thing to guys, and in no way do I find them ugly. Just sometimes there is either not that 'spark' or they are just not attractive to me- but that doesnt necessarily make them unattractive.

[MancBoy]

Never get with girls from dating sites. Over inflated egos, lots of dudes on tap, hatred towards men etc Eurgh!

[ANIGAV]

You state that you wanted to find a nice girl, maybe it's for your best that she didn't agree to it as she does not sound nice at all. Think of it as you having won in this case, I am in the same position as you are but dude there's plenty of girls out there that would much prefer intelligence rather than looks, for instance I have seen so many fat men who are with hot women, the key is not being good-looking but to get back up again. Don't see this as something having hurt you, think of it as having strengthened you. Good luck.

[Wyrd14]

Rejection has been the bane of my mid-twenties, both in my personal and professional life. But it's also a sign that I'm getting myself 'out there' a lot more. Anyone who attains something really worth having (whether a great job, sporting or artistic success, or a fulfilling relationship) has usually suffered a lot of rejection and disappointment along the way.

When it comes to relationships, it seems to me that 'attractiveness' is actually less important than sheer luck or serendipity. It's about being in the right place at the right time with the right person.

[salty_candy]

(Original post by Anonymous)
She said "being physically attracted to my partner is really important to me and that would be one thing stopping me from pursuing a relationship with you" So yeah she called me ugly which is fair enough, at least she is honest.

She didn't call you ugly, I mean I don't find Brad Pitt attractive, does that make him ugly? No, just not my type (not even young Brad Pitt)

Very few people are actually ugly anyway, most of the time it's just a combination of not being naturally good looking and not trying hard enough. Not that you should have to try if you don't want to, there are girls out there who don't just care about looks.

[Studentus-anonymous]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I want to lose my virginity, though that isn't the reason why I asked her out. I know I need to pick myself up but come on, who is gunna be interested in a 23yr old IT nerd basically who has never even been kissed? In my experience many girls are fakes who are only interested in gangsta boys and the types who are one of the lads and i'm neither so just what is the point of me trying?

haha come off it mate.

Plenty of 'nerds' get laid, I am not 'cool' by any stretch of the imagination and I can get girlfriends as any average bloke.

One of my good mates is a total IT nerd, measurably eccentric , works as a programmer, and he has had a girlfriend for years now, they live together, and yeah.


Again your problem seems to be your attitude and perspective. Simply put it doesn't matter how good looking you are if you're just a massive self-hating emo.

You need to work on your shyness and confidence. After you've sorted your head out trust me, a little pride in your image and you're good to go.

[maoxine]

I wouldn't be too worried... Firstly, I don't think you're actually ugly, girls have preferences. Some guys that my friends are attracted to, I'm not and vice versa so if someone says they're not physically attracted to you although it sucks it doesn't actually matter. I'd say get some confidence in your personal appearance- when you're confident with yourself it's more appealing. And lots of people are interested in nerdy shy boys and don't worry about your virginity- I don't really think it's relevant... You sound so cute I just want to hug you!!
Oh and WASH- I'm not saying you stink but if you're clean and shaven and you have like a nice haircut you should be fine.

[Matt999]

Thats a bit harsh from her I have to say. Know it's hard but forget about her. Shes not worth it. Girls can be terrible at leading lads on them ditching them I'm afraid without any warning even after everything seems to be going well with her. Their complete weirdos. Best thing i can say is get talking to other girls. talk to a few and then you have a back up if things go wrong with one of them. Another thing do your best to never put a girl on a pedestal. This is how you can get too attached too soon and get down when it goes wrong. Just talk to as many girls as you can

[Warrior Queen]

(Original post by Anonymous)
that basically finds me ugly and so isn't interested.

I'm hurting like hell at the moment. I am 23 and have NEVER even been kissed. What is so wrong with me?

You answered your own question.

[HotCoco.]

You're 23 and you seriously believe your life is over? Seriously.

You need more confidence and self esteem. Easier said than done. But one rejection doesn't mean you're ugly. It just means you weren't the one for that particular person. Move on to the next one. All that can be said is to be more brave when asking girls out (and I mean in real life, not the Internet). Grow a thick skin and let rejection slide.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Flyinghearts]

Wow you're really harsh on yourself.
First of all, this is just one girl.
She might have rejected you, but you were brave enough to ask her out and that's a step in the right direction. Everybody gets rejected at least some point in their lives. As for not kissing a girl at your age... Who really cares? One day you'll meet a girl who will like you and find you attractive and to her it won't matter whether or not you've done anything. It only becomes a problem when you make it a problem. I can understand why your confidence has taken a knock, especially since this is the first time you've done actually gone after a girl who you liked. But you can also learn from this experience and try not to let it get to you personally.