[IndeEDIEitsme]

I've been with my boyfriend for 10months now and were very much in love. We've always been very comfortable with each other (especially in bed - a very good advantage ). However we met at our local gym - so this may explain it, as we were both very fit and healthy at the time - something I am always wary of due to my chronic fear of overweight people. This started at a young age and has never really been a serious problem before but I know my parents were always worried about me offending innocent people as I have a tendency to gag whenever in close proximity to an overweight person.

Recently my boyfriend got a new job in the city, a 45min commute, and now has no time to exercise regularly. I've tried to encourage him join me for a run at the weekends but he's just too tired after a busy week. He's now gaining weight and I'm worried it's going to get out of control. Something I will not be able to handle. I love him so much, and feel terrible, and already sex is become harder for me.

Any suggestions of what I should do?



This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Wilfred Little]

Can you cook?

[hiding12]

(Original post by IndeEDIEitsme)
I've been with my boyfriend for 10months now and were very much in love. We've always been very comfortable with each other (especially in bed - a very good advantage ). However we met at our local gym - so this may explain it, as we were both very fit and healthy at the time - something I am always wary of due to my chronic fear of overweight people. This started at a young age and has never really been a serious problem before but I know my parents were always worried about me offending innocent people as I have a tendency to gag whenever in close proximity to an overweight person.

Recently my boyfriend got a new job in the city, a 45min commute, and now has no time to exercise regularly. I've tried to encourage him join me for a run at the weekends but he's just too tired after a busy week. He's now gaining weight and I'm worried it's going to get out of control. Something I will not be able to handle. I love him so much, and feel terrible, and already sex is become harder for me.

Any suggestions of what I should do?



This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Love the way that anytime a man mentions this, he is labelled a 'shallow, chauvinistic' male pig but its ok for the other way round, lol

[Nooshkabob]

have you spoken to him about it?

[Wilfred Little]

(Original post by hiding12)
Love the way that anytime a man mentions this, he is labelled a 'shallow, chauvinistic' male pig but its ok for the other way round, lol

This is a fair point actually.

[R4INBOW]

You gag when near overweight people?

That's actually terrible. I hope your bf gains weight so he sees ur true colours.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[ekudamram]

I think if you love your boyfriend as much as you say you do, and he loves you back, you can have an open discussion with him about it. I have had depression for the past year and have gone from 9.5 stone to 11.5 stone (although I have grown 3 inches so I dont look too bad) but my girlfriend spoke to me about it and I'm eating healthier as although at the end of the day it's how I feel that counts, I love her and want her to be happy, and if that means eating less junk food, I'm ok with that.

However, have you considered seeing someone about this fear of overweight people? What would happen if your boyfriend did put on a bit of chub? Would you leave him? I think it would be better to talk to him about this, and maybe someone else who can help address your problems with overweight people

[Jakeh]

My ex and I were pretty open about this quite soon into our relationship, she told me, if I ever felt she was gaining weight to tell her and vice versa, you do feel bad saying it, but sometimes it's better to be honest than to lie. She never got 'big' she was fine but she felt she had gained weight since we first met, i agreed she had but it didnt make her look different but she wanted to change that, I knew I had gained some weight without asking.

Just try and turn it on him, say would you ever tell me if i gained weight? and if he says "if you want me to" and then try and see if he says similar.

[xXHolly_90Xx]

(Original post by R4INBOW)
You gag when near overweight people?

That's actually terrible. I hope your bf gains weight so he sees ur true colours.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

I hope this too tbh! Not everyone stays the same weight their entire life! If putting on a bit of weight puts you off him so much then it's not really love is it?

[Studentus-anonymous]

I have no love for fatties but tbf a lot of the problem seems to be yours. People's weight often changes over their life time, but gaining some weight is different from becoming full fledged fat, and it's definitely not normal to react as you do.

Consider talking to an expert.

[Stryder402]

lol i wonder how it would be if the tables were turned,

''you should love her for who she is!''

''you dont deserve her''


etc etc

[Piko_Piko]

(Original post by IndeEDIEitsme)
x

2 options;
Move in with him, and take over the cooking. Cook breakfast, dinner and healthy low-calorie packed lunches for him.
Or ask him to lose weight and say it's a deal-breaker for you.

[soxygirl]

First and foremost I think you need to deal with your own issues over fat people by talking it over with a professional because you could end up losing out on great relationships in the longterm because of it.

As for your current situation I think you need to mention it (as sensitively as possible) to your bf. Since you both met in a gym I wouldn't be surprised if he's noticed the weight gain himself already but maybe you bringing it up, as long as you do it in a nice way, might be what it takes to put him back on track. It could be that he's still trying to settle into this new job and just needs a bit of time to get into a routine. Maybe you two could try cooking healthy meals together or if he doesn't feel like going for a run going for a walk instead just to ease him back in?

[pinkangelgirl]

put a padlock on the fridge

[Flibble22]

You could just say "you're turning in to a sweaty fat bastard, do something about it"

Granted, that's what I'd expect my bird to say to me, if the situation called for it since I don't like beating around the bush in any situation. Might not work for you though ><

EDIT: Gagging around overweight people? Come on now, that's pathetic.

[Sammi_K?]

Wow, I never knew that people actually could gag when they were near an overweight person. What is an overweight person to you B.T.W? Someone that isn't 100 pounds at 5'5? Do you gag near a normal person with a weight of 135 lbs at 5'5?

Anyways, i think this is quite shallow. While I was reading this I was truly shocked. You need to get help to get over this. As for your boyfriend, talk to him about it. Make your concern known, but in a nice way. Sometimes people get depressed so they start eating more and you do not want this to happen to your boyfriend. Love him even if he gains a 10 pounds and support him through this. He most likely has noticed this weight gain as well. Support him not run away.

And why would people be wishing her boyfriend got fat? She would just leave him anyways so it's the boyfriend that would get the bad end of the stick. I hope this chick gains like 15 pounds of flubber some day.

[PinkMobilePhone]

you have a chronic fear of overweight people?

[Little Hobbit]

Gagging at overweight people is ridiculous, you shallow wummin.

[Kittiara]

First of all, I second (third, whatever) what other people have said, and suggest talking through your fear of overweight people with a professional. If it's something that's affected you from a young age, and there's a risk of it affecting current and future relationships with people, it's worth working on. Who knows how many friendships you'll miss out on?

People's weight changes throughout their lives. My own weight has varied over the years. My boyfriend has been fine about it, thankfully, and it hasn't affected our relationship at all. When I was a bit heavier than I wanted to be, I did something about it, without any comment or pressure from him.

Your boyfriend will be aware that he's gained weight. It's something that's hard to miss. What he may not be aware of is how you feel about it. Have you shared your fears with him, in a nice and sensitive manner? He may simply assume that you will be fine with him regardless. Or he may be adjusting to his job and travels and have other things on his mind right now.

Whatever you do, please be nice about it and focus on the things you love about him!

[Ice Constricter]

Gag at overweight people???

Obvious troll is obvious.