[Gracegrey10]

When I was 15 I was in a relationship with a guy who was 19. My 1st time was a month before my 16th birthday but obviously I agreed to it so at that point it wasn't rape, I just felt if I didn't have sex with him he would maybe go elsewhere. As time went on he wanted sex all the time and would get upset if I said no then 1 time I just agreed to and I said it was really sore, that he was hurting me and said stop more than once but he carried on for more than a few minutes until I actually started crying. Would this be classed as rape or not? I ended the relationship a few months after that, it was over a year into the relationship. I just want to get some people's opinions on what they think.I really wanna tell some 1, it happened 4 years ago but it still bothers me. I have a new partner who I have been with for 2 and a half years and want to tell him what happened but don't know if I should or not

[Hooj]

Technically yes, also that guy must have been a right loser to get with a minor.

[InnerTemple]

Sex before you were 16 was a sexual assault - even though you agreed.

As for the other incidents - also seems dodgy. It sounds as if you 'submitted' to sex rather than giving willing consent. Then you have the whole telling him to stop thing...

[Kittiara]

You told him to stop. You told him that you were sore and that he was hurting you. He carried on. Yes, that is rape. You may have consented to have sex with him, but consent can be withdrawn during the act. You clearly indicated this. It's not like he wasn't aware.

Also, any person who pressures you into sex, and this includes getting all upset if you say no, is not a person worth being with. I am glad that you left him, even if that incident hadn't happened. You should never, ever feel that you have to have sex with someone, boyfriend or not, out of fear that he will leave you, or out of this idea that you must. Sorry for the mini-rant. People like that, who pressure others, make me angry.

If you feel that you need to talk to someone, let it out (which is natural), then yes, share it with your boyfriend. If you're in a good relationship now, with a guy you can trust, then it's worth sharing and it may help you overcome the bad experience.

[Teenage Pirate]

yes... you were underage, AND you said no.

(though the LLB guy above probably has more knowledge of exactly how strong your argument is)

[Watch Key Phone]

It seems like it would be a good idea to tell your current boyfriend. If it's something that bothers you a lot, you should feel comfortable enough with him to tell him about it, and he will probably be able to make you feel much more at ease.

[Wilfred Little]

(Original post by Hooj)
Technically yes, also that guy must have been a right loser to get with a minor.

Why is that?

[martinebeadwin]

Why did you stay with him for 4 months and what does convicting him do for you? I feel bad for the way you feel honestly but I think he rape you in the clerical sense. Though you did tell him to stop you had not fulfilled you obligation to self-preservation. By withholding from removing this guy from your life you had set an implicit pattern of consent that is reinforced by your rational for staying with him " but obviously I agreed to it so at that point it wasn't rape, I just felt if I didn't have sex with him he would maybe go elsewhere. ".This statement is your downfall.

Clerical rape:
-submitting to unwanted sex and refusing to accept readily available help (cops and parents, either could have helped you)

-staying with the perp and feeding the unhealthy dynamic which you rationalized (The offenders are usually victims to some extent due to the fact that that victimization has been linked strongly to perpetration)

-purposefully being of diminished mental capacity through one's own doing yet consenting (drugs)

"Real rape":
-victim is randomly harmed and henceforth acts in a manner consistent with victim-hood.


Switch the subject of rape with theft. Theft or assault are both harmful and exploitative in nature as welll and thus people who hang out with their attacker looked down on....

[Artymess]

If you told him to stop, or said no, and he continued then yes - that's rape

[Mockery]

This is where things get complicated and often dangerous. You could easily fabricate a story that would land your ex in a serious mess, but how much of it is actually true and how much is just a product of the emotional stress you have gone through, which could just simply have come about from immaturity and being with someone you wasn't too fond of.

I'll skip past the part of him, a 19 year old, getting involved with someone who is 15 as I don't quite understand why he did this. Do you really believe that the rammifications he may have to deal with if you go around telling people is justified and deserved?

Legally you can not consent as a minor, however you suggest that your sexual relationship began just before your 16th and continued there after. You clearly initially gave him consent. And when you say you told him to stop several times in the act because it hurt, by that do you mean you said something along the lines of "It's starting to hurt a little, do you mind if we stop", which he may not have understood that you actually wanted to stop and that it wasn't his choice, or did you geniunely plead with him to stop of which he denied until you literaly broke down in tears.

As for telling your current boyfriend, I really couldn't advise this as I don't know what he is like. He could be very supportive of you or the complete opposite. Maybe he'll fear you'll accuse him of rape if he hurts you in anyway emotionally.

I would suggest that you try and find ways of dealing with it emotionally, as in speak to people in confidentiality, before you go telling loved ones, and naming and shaming the guy.

[GPH92]

Ignoring the age, you did initially consent and he did stop after a few minutes of you saying to. I think rape gets batted around too much now. It wasn't like he throw you into your bed, ripped your clothes off with you screaming and crying and forced himself on you and in you. Just because he didn't stop immediatley of you saying it hurts, to me is just him being an inconsiderate prick, but not rape. Also the description of your first time sounds pretty normal. Most people get pressured into it.

[Foo.mp3]

It's statutory rape (as you were under 16) any which way you look at it but in general yes, if someone does not consent and you (start/continue to) rag them then you are committing rape