Pregnant before marriage. I'm a Muslim.

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I'm going to stop posting on the abortion debate, unless anyone wants to continue it on a new thread, because it's derailing the discussion which is supposed to help the OP.

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Back to the OP, you know your family better than us, they may be disappointed, but they may come around and be supportive of whichever decision you take. Have they ever expressed their opinions on premarital sex or abortion?

Perhaps look forward to a few years time, would you be OK with a child out of wedlock, or would you feel guilty about an abortion?

Speak to the father and see how supportive he would be, he needs to take responsibility.

Lastly, adoption could be an option, would you be OK with this?

Best of luck, sorry you're having a hard time.

They've never spoken about either pre marital sex or abortion. But I know their opinions on it.

I know I would feel really guilty about the abortion just because I know it's wrong.

Reply 81

HandsomeHunter

Original post by x-friends

They don't believe in the honour killing but they'll probably not speak to me for a while.

Why don't you tell the guy to convert into Islam ?

Reply 82

silverbolt

Original post by Ronove

Alternatively she could tell the guy she doesn't want a baby right now and that she's aborting. I'm pretty sure he'd get over it quickly enough from the sound of it.

Slightly off topic but i really hate that men get no say in regards to whether the woman has the child or not but is then expected to pay child support whether he wanted the baby or not.

Even though i know atm there really is no other way to do. Somone has to lose out and life just isnt always that fair

Reply 83

x-friends

Original post by SlaveofAllah

Hello

Can I ask how old you are?

Reply 84

cherrybawstad

Oh ****cakes. I say tell your family at a slap up meal, whats the worst than can happen ??......

Reply 85

x-friends

Original post by HandsomeHunter

Why don't you tell the guy to convert into Islam ?

He doesn't believe in it and told me he's an atheist.

Reply 86

HandsomeHunter

Original post by x-friends

He doesn't believe in it and told me he's an atheist.

Ironic indeed

Reply 87

RachaelBee

I skipped a few pages reading this but I wouldn't trust that guy at all. It's all well and good for him to say "I'm ready to have a baby' but if so why hasn't he met a woman, settled down and offered some stability? Remember that if you have the baby and he decides he doesn't want to be a full time Dad after all, you'll be the one left holding it. It's your body, nobody can dictate what you do and you shouldn't be guilted into having a child you don't want.

If you had a child you didn't want, do you feel you could fully support it emotionally? Are you in a situation to support a child financially? As others have said, would you consider adoption? There are a lot of questions to ask.

I had an abortion when I was younger, I felt horrendous and guilty but with hindsight, it was the best thing to do. I wanted the baby at the time but I would have been bringing it into a terrible home situation. I'd never wanted kids before though and even now, I still don't want them. I'd have made a terrible mother... If you have any questions, feel free to ask me and I will do my best to answer.

Reply 88

Tench

Original post by Am I Really Here

I think abortion is morally sound, but it is incorrect to say a foetus isn't a human being. It is.

Not all human beings have a right to life. Foetuses aren't people. They can't suffer or experience pleasure, and they can't express preferences. They have no right to life.

Why does the fact that they don't show telltale signs of life restrict a foetus to a right of life?

Reply 89

Am I Really Here

Original post by Tench

Why does the fact that they don't show telltale signs of life restrict a foetus to a right of life?

A right to life isn't like a right to free speech. For free speech, justification must be given for free speech to be curtailed.

In contrast, a being only has a right to life if they pass a certain threshold. A foetus fails to meet this threshold because it can't experience pleasure or pain, it isn't aware of its own existence and it can't express preferences - a desire to continue living. Since it can't do any of these things, it has not justified a right to life.

Therefore the preferences of the mother are the only preferences in this situation, and she can have an abortion without any justification.

A cat has more right to life than a human foetus.

Reply 90

SnoochToTheBooch

Original post by x-friends

Think this is the right place to post this. Please do not judge me. I know I've done wrong and I regret it.

Just need someone to listen to me and if you could give me advice it would be much appreciated.

I met this guy and have known him for a bit, we're not that close, but we went out a few times. He's in the army and he's not a Muslim and he's been completely honest with me. I did stay over at his base.

I think I might be pregnant and I do not want to keep it. I know abortion is against my religion, and so is pre-marital sex, and I regret it a lot.
He's made it clear he wants to keep it if I am. He's 3 years older than me and feels ready for a child.

I can't have a child right now. I am a Muslim and he isn't and I know I've done wrong and I feel scared and regret it deeply.

Please just help me.

I know it's "against your religion" but let's be real about this. A baby starts to grow when sperm and egg mix. Both ingredients are no more than a collection of inanimate molecular matter when they're separate, so what's changed when they've been mixed? Nothing. There's no magic happening, it's nothing more than an automatic reaction proceeding the way chemistry dictates, and you can do it as many times as you like. It's not like you get one chance to have a baby and that's it. So, what difference does it make whether you interrupt that process just before they mix (ie. contraception) or just afterwards? The end result is the same, you've still just prevented a baby from happening. Obviously it's less messy the sooner you have the abortion, but there's no reason to feel bad about it and the world carries on as before. Also it's never a good idea to bring an unwanted kid into the world.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 91

Am I Really Here

Original post by SnoochToTheBooch

The 'difference' is of course, that the 'mix' is a human being. The egg and sperm are merely human cells. Although this has little to do with their right to life.

Reply 92

towels

oh dear. first things first, I wouldn't trust the guy, and, as you know, you shouldn't be with him. I know this may be hard, but you have to draw a line. let him know that you two are no longer together and you will never be together. you can't have a relationship outside of marriage, and he's not Muslim, so you can't marry him. don't try to convince him to convert for the sake of marriage, because converting for the sake of marriage or do to the pressure someone else puts on you doesn't make anyone a true Muslim. a true Muslim must believe in Islam, because he personally feels it is right, not because he feels pressured.
second of all, if you confirm your preganancy, you have to let your family know. in this case, I do not think abortion is morally sound UNLESS you're worried that, God forbid, your life would be threatened by keeping the baby if anyone in your family gets very angry (may Allah prevent this). if your life is not at risk, you should keep the child. I can't imagine how hard it would be to tell your family about this, but it must be done.
Insh'Allah things will work out. good luck

by that argument, I could say that we're all just complex combinations of chemicals, so killing a human being is no different than killing a robot. life is more complex than that

Reply 93

Atemukay

Why did you write your a Muslim? I don't think you give a **** about being a Muslim. If you were actually a practising Muslim you wouldn't have had a relationship with a kuffar and actually having sex with him. Did you not realise when you were having sex with him, that to quote "I'm a Muslim" or when you were meeting him that "I'm a Muslim" or were you too busy idolized in this world?! Did it just hit you when you think you were pregnant that " oh I'm a Muslim"? Also why are you posting in a thread with majority non Muslims? Best advice I can give is ask a alima or imam.

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Reply 94

SnoochToTheBooch

Original post by Am I Really Here

The 'difference' is of course, that the 'mix' is a human being. The egg and sperm are merely human cells. Although this has little to do with their right to life.

so what though? what's so "sacred" about that? what difference does it make just to stop it? We've got billions and billions of human beings already and we can make more at any time, more that might otherwise be made if this one isn't. It's not a person yet, it has no experiences, memories, no emotional attachments, awareness of itself or anything else. It doesn't matter. It's even less of a person than some brain damaged person in a vegetative state.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 95

nawal

Abort the baby
Don't tell your parents and just properly ask for forgiveness on your own

Reply 96

SnoochToTheBooch

Original post by towels

by that argument, I could say that we're all just complex combinations of chemicals, so killing a human being is no different than killing a robot. life is more complex than that

actually yeah, this is exactly what I think. I know in practice we've got to put this elevated value on human life or society would collapse, but when you get right down to it this is all we are. What reason is there to suspect otherwise, apart from the message we're drilled with? Is there even really such a thing as "life"? Where do you draw the line between what is the simplest living organism and what is just a complicated but lifeless chemical reaction? I reckon any line would be an arbitrary one and there really is no line.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 97

Am I Really Here

Original post by SnoochToTheBooch

so what though? what's so "sacred" about that? what difference does it make just to stop it? We've got billions and billions of human beings already and we can make more at any time, more that might otherwise be made if this one isn't. It's not a person yet, it has no experiences, memories, no emotional attachments, awareness of itself or anything else. It's even less of a person than some brain damaged person in a vegetative state.

There's nothing sacred about it. Read through a few previous posts/pages. I'm firmly pro choice and I think abortion for any reason is morally sound, however you must acknowledge there is a difference between sperm and egg cells and a foetus. A foetus is a human being, a member of the species homo sapiens. A sperm and egg cell are 'merely' human cells.