The Student Room Group

Girls, would you be ok with a part-time working husband?

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Original post by MichaelYEAH
I know one way.. Bao Chicka Wao

Original post by MichaelYEAH
Surely a part-time working husband is going against expectations? Traditional gender roles would be the man in full time work while the wife stays at home?



Original post by Serendipitee
You're not gonna get a sane response to that post :cookie:


That's the whole point of what the OP is trying to say. He's saying that modern day girls hate traditional gender roles... but the majority of responses up until that point have pointed out that they don't want men working part time, and having a more stay at home-esque role in the relationship.
I'd be perfectly happy with that especially as I really hate the idea of being a stay at home mom. So if he wanted to work part time and look the kids if there were any I'd actually prefer that. I get what the OP means though as women who appear to be against gender roles it seems actually wouldn't want to be with a guy just because he isn't the main earner which is hypocritical.
Yes as long as he isn't taking me for granted (using me).. Though I wouldn't want him to be a lazy person.
However I'd prob end up working full time, I mean all the years I have and will be spending on education should pay off, the reason I picked my course is so that I wont be financially dependent on anyone else...
As long as he can pay half of all of our expenses as you say - that's all I'm looking for. I've been the main earner in all of my relationships, so it's not a crazy notion to me.

I have to admit that I'd feel so vulnerable and dependent if I was in a relationship with a guy who wanted me to stay at home. If the relationship didn't work, I'd be in the ****. I think it's important to have an element of independence rather than to NEED someone.
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 65
Once I finish uni I will be the main earner, so it's not so much about money, but if I was working full time, I would want him to be working full time as well, or if he wasn't I'd want him to do more around the house. I think each person should put in an equal amount of work to make their life together nice!

Even if he was earning enough to cover "his expenses" I would still end up paying for him, as in going on nice holidays, buying nice food, going out. I don't want to not be able to do these things cos he can't afford to. It's fine if he CAN't afford to.. just so long as he is making an equal contribution of effort!!!
God yes. Would they do the cooking? If I've got a full-time job (which hopefully I will) I wouldn't mind if they stayed at home part-time. Unless they were appalling at cooking in which case I'll feed myself. As long as they do the grocery shopping. :lol: I would be totally cool with having a stay-at-home dad situation if that ever happens. :lol: I mean, if my job earns more than his it kind of makes more sense for me to work full-time. I wouldn't mind as long as he didn't spend all our money and he actually did stuff around the house, or did something with the rest of his time other than watching TV. Before anyone judges, I would be the same if I was the one with a part-time job and he had a full-time job. Although I hate housework. There's no scope for imagination in it. But I'd still do it because it would be unfair to expect otherwise if I spent less time at work. So yeah, I'd be cool with it. Hopefully my course will get me into a career that pays a decent amount so we should still be able to do fun stuff too :biggrin:

I would be doubly ok with it if he could bake cake. God I want cake now.
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 67
Original post by redferry
Ideally I think both working part time would be amazing, two people can definitely live off ~20 grand a year and then you get lots of time together :smile:

Yeah, this seems like the best setup.
Original post by miser
Yeah, this seems like the best setup.


Working hours should be more flexible, I'd definitely prefer to do 40-45 hours in 4 days and have a 3 day weekend than 9-5 every day!
Yes, I'd much rather work longer hours and have someone take care of the house. I'm not fond of housework.
Reply 70
Original post by redferry
Working hours should be more flexible, I'd definitely prefer to do 40-45 hours in 4 days and have a 3 day weekend than 9-5 every day!

Yeah. I don't really care much about money. The only reason I want money is so I can live without too much stress and do the things I want to do - I don't want luxuries or unnecessary things. At the moment I work a 37.5 hour work/week, with an extra 2 hours per weekday commuting. I value my free time a lot and if I could work less I would, but unfortunately there's no way I could adequately support myself and my girlfriend working part-time.
Original post by miser
Yeah. I don't really care much about money. The only reason I want money is so I can live without too much stress and do the things I want to do - I don't want luxuries or unnecessary things. At the moment I work a 37.5 hour work/week, with an extra 2 hours per weekday commuting. I value my free time a lot and if I could work less I would, but unfortunately there's no way I could adequately support myself and my girlfriend working part-time.


I work a 40 hour week over 4 days at the moment but I'm on a 0 hours contract. That extra day is a godsend though.
I'd rather that than a husband that I never saw because he was always working?
As long as we were both contributing an equal amount to bills etc then I don't see why it would be a problem.
Reply 73
Unless we have agreed that we find it a good solution for some reasons (the most obvious is he could do the housework, cook etc.), in that case it would be perfectly fine, I would wonder why doesn't he get a full time job. BUT I'd think the same of myself.

"I want to work part-time and be a part-time housewife/husband the rest of the time" is OK for both gender,
"I just want to stay home and sit on my arse" is wrong for both.
I'm never gonna work a 9-5. That commuting, 40hr week ****, would be a waste of my life.
If he's P/T because he's working towards a career or whatever that's cool, I'm willing to support his career journey.

If he's P/T because he's sponging off me he's got another thing coming. Unless he cooks/cleans and brings up the kids too.

I'm happy to be the breadwinner but I don't want to be taken advantage of either so it would depend on the situation and the guy.
Original post by RosyPearl
What's wrong with waiting for him? If he's not financially secured then I won't marry him because he lacks the financial needs of supporting his wife and children when we have them, therefore I will wait for him until he's financially stabled.


Why does he need to support his wife - can't she support herself?
Original post by katehlouise


It all changes when you bring kids into the equation though. I would definitely want to be the one to stay at home with the baby or working part-time.


Can I ask why this is? What if he wanted to do that - would you be happy to split it with him?
I have a cousin that is a bit older than me and is married to a bloke who works part-time. He used to be on full time then went to a zero hour and is lucky they moved him on to part time of 3 days per week.

She works as a teacher, he is a tyre-fitter for those usual scam-merchant type tyre places in UK. She is 44 this year, he is 43 and have 3 kids aged 18, 12 and 4.

Long long ago her mother told her she should marry a better guy, I secretly think the sole reason she married him is because she wanted a White guy to stay on in UK. These days I tell her she only has herself to blame as they can barely make ends meet and that she should have listened to her mother's wise advice.

Earnings :-
She : £34,000
He : £8,500
After tax :-
She : £26,000
He : £8,500
Joint monthly household income : £2875 (she holds all the money)

Mortgage : 3 bedroom house in your very standard normal neighbourhood that his parents sold to him with a "parental" discount at £160,000 requires a repayment of £750 per month. There is also a £120 per month extra loan for repairs and improvements the house needed. They bought it 7 years ago and it is their first and only house.

Cars : There are 2, 1 is an 8 year old Fiat Panda that I sold to them for £1,500 11 months ago. Supposed to pay me £100 per month for it but haven't had a payment for 4 months now. They also have a 4 year old Ford S-Max, nothing special just a basic one bought for £16,000, payment for it is £250 per month. He drives the Fiat 40 miles away for his work while she takes the Ford 15 miles away, absolutely cheapest way to do it as it cost more to take public transport. Insurance is £70 per month. Fuel cost £450 for both of them.

Childcare : £180 for 2.5 days per week.

Food stuff and sundries : £90-120 per week (averaged at £450 per month) and they don't eat out at all even lunch is packed from home.

Utilities and communication : £120 for electric and gas. £40 for telephones and internet.

Council tax : £95 per month.

The balance? That has to cover the occasional clothes (mostly from Primark), maintenance of the cars etc and once per week she gives her husband £5 that he could use either after work or at the pub.

She recently asked me if I could loan them £1,000 as their eldest daughter at uni needed some money for a deposit, their refrigerator broke down and that Ford needs tyres to pass the MOT.

I looked at their bank account and expenses there really isn't much room to scale back on anything other than to sell the house but that in itself pose a different set of problems, would be a false economy to sell the cars and get anything cheaper.

If I was her husband I'd be ashamed that I was bringing so little to the table. No idea what dignity he still has in himself to be in such a situation. I'd be humiliated if my kids did what my 12 year old nephew did a few weeks ago and said something along the lines of "Daddy why can't you have a job like Uncle Jonas." and I'd be disgusted if my kids said something along the lines of my their eldest who told my eldest "I so wish I had a dad like your dad, absolutely sucks can't get anything nice while at uni." I don't even spoil my kids, just provide them with the basics.

While I'm sure there would be ways and means to make this 1.5 income households work one of the income will need to be fairly higher than average to make up for the shortfall otherwise your standard of living will most likely take a big hit.
Reply 79
Original post by Alfissti
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But is he able to get a better job? I mean is this all because of hiz laziness or just general fact that he CAN'T do better as he didn't go to uni etc

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