How to respond to people who ask if I'm a virgin at uni?
So, I'm a virgin.. and never had a boyfriend. I'm not really bothered myself though, it's just I've never met anyone who I've got to that stage with and there's no point in being with someone who I don't like enough. But I know most people have lost their virginity by the time they reach uni, or at least lose it in the first few weeks. But I want to wait until I've met someone I like and not regret anything. One night stands just isn't me.. my friends always go on about who they've shagged and it makes me feel kind of left out. When I visited my friend at uni, this was pretty much the main topic of conversation.
I'm not going to have sex due to peer pressure, but if someone asks if I'm a virgin I feel really awkward, how am I meant to respond? Is it just easier to say 'no' and move on seeing as no one knows me anyway, or should I say 'yes'? If I say 'it's none of your business' then it kind of means I am.. I know it's nothing to be ashamed of but I imagine in my head, that if I say I'm a virgin I'll be labelled as a virgin and mocked, maybe in a joking way but it's still a personal matter and it would upset me if everyone knew me as the virgin. It's embarrassing. Plus I know guys want to f*** virgins more so I might be a target, with people pretending to be interested in me.
I'm probably over thinking this but any advice as to what to do in this situation if someone asked?
I'm not going to have sex due to peer pressure, but if someone asks if I'm a virgin I feel really awkward, how am I meant to respond? Is it just easier to say 'no' and move on seeing as no one knows me anyway, or should I say 'yes'? If I say 'it's none of your business' then it kind of means I am.. I know it's nothing to be ashamed of but I imagine in my head, that if I say I'm a virgin I'll be labelled as a virgin and mocked, maybe in a joking way but it's still a personal matter and it would upset me if everyone knew me as the virgin. It's embarrassing. Plus I know guys want to f*** virgins more so I might be a target, with people pretending to be interested in me.
I'm probably over thinking this but any advice as to what to do in this situation if someone asked?
Scroll to see replies
You should be honest. You will get your chance soon!
NOTHING to be embarrassed about. At all. I'm the same and if anyone asks, I tell them. I don't give a damn, I've had plenty of opportunities to sleep around like my friends and they know it. I just never gave into peer pressure like they did. Neither should you. Do it when you want, and tell the rest of the world to **** there selves. 
interested to see what people will advise - I haven't had a boyfriend for a couple of years and I've not had sex, like you I'm not really bothered - I could have had if I'd really wanted, I just haven't, but I think I will probably sometime at uni. I just don't want to weird people out.
But I don't really think people will ask "are you a virgin", that's such a year 11 question to ask.
But I don't really think people will ask "are you a virgin", that's such a year 11 question to ask.
Original post by Anonymous
interested to see what people will advise - I haven't had a boyfriend for a couple of years and I've not had sex, like you I'm not really bothered - I could have had if I'd really wanted, I just haven't, but I think I will probably sometime at uni. I just don't want to weird people out.
But I don't really think people will ask "are you a virgin", that's such a year 11 question to ask.
But I don't really think people will ask "are you a virgin", that's such a year 11 question to ask.
I'm thinking more about immature guys who think it's funny rather than girls who would be more likely to find out when we are close friends, in this instance I would not lie as if they were close enough to me to ask me about it then they will accept it and probably won't really care plus they'll probably be more mature. Also, if I was in a relationship with someone I also wouldn't lie to them as they would probably know if I had sex with him anyway.. plus I should be able to trust him enough and he should accept me for who I am.
I just have this vision in my mind of someone asking me and telling everyone, like in Fresh Meat when Kingsley is the only virgin.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm thinking more about immature guys who think it's funny rather than girls who would be more likely to find out when we are close friends, in this instance I would not lie as if they were close enough to me to ask me about it then they will accept it and probably won't really care plus they'll probably be more mature. Also, if I was in a relationship with someone I also wouldn't lie to them as they would probably know if I had sex with him anyway.. plus I should be able to trust him enough and he should accept me for who I am.
I just have this vision in my mind of someone asking me and telling everyone, like in Fresh Meat when Kingsley is the only virgin.
I just have this vision in my mind of someone asking me and telling everyone, like in Fresh Meat when Kingsley is the only virgin.
Yeah, definitely, I wouldn't hide it from girls if they're my friends, or guys either, and if I was going out with someone they'd definitely know (not least to let them know the relationship would probs progress slower than with other people), but I know what you mean, if a drunk/ immature/ "LAD" found out somehow and told everyone, it would be horrible.
Like I don't mind people knowing, but I'd hate for someone else to tell people like it's their business - I'm also paranoid about that!
I am trying hard to think why would anyone ask you "are you a virgin?" unless he's getting intimate with you.
Say you're a member of the student room. They'll understand why.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah, definitely, I wouldn't hide it from girls if they're my friends, or guys either, and if I was going out with someone they'd definitely know (not least to let them know the relationship would probs progress slower than with other people), but I know what you mean, if a drunk/ immature/ "LAD" found out somehow and told everyone, it would be horrible.
Like I don't mind people knowing, but I'd hate for someone else to tell people like it's their business - I'm also paranoid about that!
Like I don't mind people knowing, but I'd hate for someone else to tell people like it's their business - I'm also paranoid about that!
I guess in this instance I'll just lie and say 'no I'm not a virgin'.. then they'll just move on. And if people wonder why I'm not joining in on their shag-list talk, they have no idea if I'd done it before I went to uni or not anyway. But to people I trust I'm not too ashamed of saying yes!
Hopefully I will never be in that awkward situation anyway.
Original post by Tom78
Undoubtedly you'll end up playing "I have never" at some point, just either tell the truth if you feel comfortable, if not lie and say you aren't.
Oh yes, that's one situation it's likely to come up, where I can't be like 'it's none of your business'. Or they might start going really in depth with the 'I have statements' which would be awkward. I guess I'd just lie in that situation. Does that make me a bad person for lying?
Original post by Mr...
"I am a virgin."
"It is personal"
"I'd rather not say."
"It is personal"
"I'd rather not say."
The last two options, people would know you are.
Original post by Anonymous
interested to see what people will advise - I haven't had a boyfriend for a couple of years and I've not had sex, like you I'm not really bothered - I could have had if I'd really wanted, I just haven't, but I think I will probably sometime at uni. I just don't want to weird people out.
But I don't really think people will ask "are you a virgin", that's such a year 11 question to ask.
But I don't really think people will ask "are you a virgin", that's such a year 11 question to ask.
Original post by SourJellyBean
I am trying hard to think why would anyone ask you "are you a virgin?" unless he's getting intimate with you.
In 'never have I ever' games sex related stuff is very very likely to come up.. Ughh I hate them!
I don't think people care much, and avoiding an answer with "it's none of your business" is probably just going to make them curious and more likely to make a big deal out of it. Either just lie and say that you're not a virgin (I doubt people will interrogate you much further if you avoid talking about it) or tell the truth. It should be easy enough to avoid the small minority of people who'll actually make a big deal out of you not having had sex before.
Quite honestly, most people won't care that much. It's more of a problem if you make a big deal out of it (either way) than if you don't.
Now, some warnings and advice about this:
1. Most people won't ask directly, but don't be under the impression that girls will be more understanding than guys on this topic. Many girls I know will look down on virgins, saying things like "they think they're special".
2. The people I've found who deal the best with this are the people who are honest but don't make a big deal out of whether they are virgins or not. Obviously, if it is for religious reasons people are more respectful, but I've heard people say things along the lines of "I am a virgin, but it's not that I don't like guys or anything, I just want to wait until it feels right": people might be a bit surprised for a couple of seconds, then the conversation moves on and it becomes one of those things that people know and no one cares about.
3. The worst thing you can do is say you aren't and then for people to find out you are (e.g. if you decide to sleep with a guy and he is a jerk and tells everyone).
Quite honestly, I'd stick with the truth from the start. It will save you problems and people could really care less. Also, the people who care about it are the people you don't want to be hanging out with tbh. No one I know who's worth my time has a problem with virgin.
Now, some warnings and advice about this:
1. Most people won't ask directly, but don't be under the impression that girls will be more understanding than guys on this topic. Many girls I know will look down on virgins, saying things like "they think they're special".
2. The people I've found who deal the best with this are the people who are honest but don't make a big deal out of whether they are virgins or not. Obviously, if it is for religious reasons people are more respectful, but I've heard people say things along the lines of "I am a virgin, but it's not that I don't like guys or anything, I just want to wait until it feels right": people might be a bit surprised for a couple of seconds, then the conversation moves on and it becomes one of those things that people know and no one cares about.
3. The worst thing you can do is say you aren't and then for people to find out you are (e.g. if you decide to sleep with a guy and he is a jerk and tells everyone).
Quite honestly, I'd stick with the truth from the start. It will save you problems and people could really care less. Also, the people who care about it are the people you don't want to be hanging out with tbh. No one I know who's worth my time has a problem with virgin.
"I don't know"
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Oh yes, that's one situation it's likely to come up, where I can't be like 'it's none of your business'. Or they might start going really in depth with the 'I have statements' which would be awkward. I guess I'd just lie in that situation. Does that make me a bad person for lying?
Not really I mean a person's sex life is obviously a sensitive topic, so its up to you what you let people know. And I'm not saying be dishonest, but you might be more comfortable with people thinking that you're not a virgin, especially if it could lead to a scenario where rumours spread. I'd probably let close friends know though.
(edited 9 years ago)
Being a virgin is not a sin. I've often found that if you're a bit nervous when answering people, it may often lead to a next and more annoying question. Reply confidently and don't be embarrassed or if you are then be sure not to express it. People generally will move on towards someone else then.
Firstly a lot of people are still virgins when they start uni.
If you don't care what other people think just tell them if they ask or it ever comes up for whatever reason.
If it bothers you just pretend you had sex when at sixth form or something.
If you don't care what other people think just tell them if they ask or it ever comes up for whatever reason.
If it bothers you just pretend you had sex when at sixth form or something.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Uni virgin
- 22 year old male virgin, can tinder be used to hook up on nights out?
- Was This Creepy or Am I Sensitive?
- Adult virgin
- someone give advice to a lonely 17 year old male
- 20 M, Still a virgin after 1st year Uni, looking for advice
- At what age do you first have sex?
- Can't finger myself?
- How to tell if a guy is a virgin?
- I'm talking to this boy and his friend is asking me weird questions. What should I do
- Are you still a virgin?
- whats the normal amount of sex i should be gettiny at 17
- I'm 19 and i have urge to lose my virginity. What advice can you give me as a male
- Am I still a virgin?
- Ask Me Anything…. If You Dare! 😏
- do u regret losing ur virginity
- 16 and haven't dated.
- I can't talk to girls
- marriage
- Virgin Shaming, and You
Latest
Trending
Last reply 1 week ago
I failed my GCSE'S my parents said they are disgusted with meLast reply 1 week ago
parents aren't letting me go on a uni residential - what do i do?Last reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutLast reply 3 weeks ago
How do I cut off parents at the start of my University year?Trending
Last reply 1 week ago
I failed my GCSE'S my parents said they are disgusted with meLast reply 1 week ago
parents aren't letting me go on a uni residential - what do i do?Last reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutLast reply 3 weeks ago
How do I cut off parents at the start of my University year?
