Do you 'just know'?

I've been on a few dates with a very sweet guy, who is lovely and attractive and interesting (and clearly much fonder of me than I am of him). I would have thought that after a few dates you just 'know' if someone is right for you or not, and that as I'm not feeling the romantic attraction now, it means he's not right for me.

However, my mother said she felt exactly the same about my father at first, then after a while she started to like him in a romantic way, and they've been married nearly 30 years and are very much in love.

So, my question is do you 'just know', or do feelings for someone you're developing develop over time?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

woops, that should obviously read dating develop...

Anyway, I'd be very keen to hear people's opinions/experiences.

Reply 2

Andrew657Thomas

''very sweet guy, who is lovely and attractive and interesting ''

This is pretty rare you know, as long as he isn't talking to anyone else, which I doubt, he should be a keeper :smile:

Reply 3

TorpidPhil

Bonding takes time. We become more attached to people as we spend more time with them and it's why we dislike the prospect of losing a sibling even if when examined objectively that sibling has only been a blight on your life - we have had them as a part of our life for too long.

Of course, part of spending time with another person is learning more about them and that means you will learn more about their flaws, but through bonding you won't really care about their flaws, or at least you deal them as is appropriate but don't dislike the person for their flaws.

You've got a good impression of him, he seems to be making you happy so now you must put in more time to bond with him further, get to know one another better and trust one another more.

Reply 4

natninja

Original post by Andrew657Thomas

'which I doubt

How many guys like that (who are also attractive) ever only have one woman at a time until things are committed?

(also some people would say that how lovely he seems may be a red flag and something to watch for - usually if something seems too good to be true it is)

Reply 5

Andrew657Thomas

Original post by natninja

I don't know the guy, but if he's a ''very sweet guy, who is lovely and attractive and interesting'' + Takes you on dates, I think he's really attracted to you, and not wanting you for your booty?
HE does sound really genuine but again I don't know who he is.

Reply 6

natninja

Original post by Andrew657Thomas

Something just doesn't sit right with me about it... especially the 'clearly likes me more than I like him'

Reply 7

SnooFnoo

I personally believe in spark/instant chemistry however perhaps it's worth pursuing incase he is just a genuine nice guy?

Reply 8

Viridiana

It takes time, my girlfriend and I (3 years together) never actually "fell for each other" in the beginning, we just sort of went with the flow and did what seemed right and natural, and we've developed a really strong bond - of lovers and friends :smile:

Reply 9

tinshed

Original post by Anonymous

the 'you just know' doesn't exist, life is not a disney movie. obviously you need to get to know him a lot better so you can discover things you will love about him. I was with my bf for 2 years and I can pin point the exact moment I fell in love with him, and that was over a year after we started going out. so you need to go on a few more dates.

Reply 10

Flying Cookie

Hahahaha.... You're so right... Your story, or rather your mother's, made me think of when I fell in love, and how at first I thought the other person was too full on which made me uncomfortable, yet afterwards I was the one who irreconcilably, irreversibly, stupidly and dramatically fell into oblivion, and indeed to this very day :indiff:

However, we were young teens so no one would've ever known what "it" was supposed to feel like, because mostly no one had experienced it.

In your situation, it's not really a problem of will you fall in love, I mean if you and they are both happy to "continue", then it might just happen. The problem is, as you said, the fact that he seems to be more into it than you, and if this continue to be a theme in your subsequent relationship, it might be an unwanted imbalance.

It's tricky because you also don't want to knowingly lead him on in the hope you'll spontaneously fall in love, and after a long time conclude you don't, and won't, and you were just "experimenting" all along.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 11

Nigerian newbie

Original post by TorpidPhil

I agree completely

Reply 12

username1039383

sounds way too good to be true lol
or it might just be me being cynical lol

Original post by natninja

Reply 13

username47781

I definitely agree you just know in your heart and mind when you have meet the right one.

Reply 14

Per

Every relationship is different and can start out different. If you're feeling really positive about it then that's a good sign.

I had lots of dates with very nice guys before I met my boyfriend. I was amazed at how well we hit it off from the start, things just seemed so easy and natural, no awkwardness which can be common while you first get to know someone. I would say if it feels good then carry on :smile:

Reply 15

Swanbow

My last relationship started with me being unsure, not really feeling an instant spark as such. But as it developed I really started to like them, and I'm glad I stuck with it.

But only you know what you want. Sometimes you just won't make a connection with someone, even if they might be attractive or have a great personality, for some reason or another. It is your choice to make.

Reply 16

gt459

Original post by Anonymous

(and clearly much fonder of me than I am of him).

Surely that's all that needs to be said. End it now or its just leading him on.

Or you can just not think about it and try and have fun - if you need to question it on TSR you probably ain't gonna marry the guy though.

Reply 17

whatisthis47

Depends on the person. With one of my ex boyfriends I just knew, but then that relationship went to the ****. Now, with my current boyfriend, I had to overthink everything, analyse every little detail, refuse to let myself trust him, and somehow he still broke all the barriers and now, over 4 months after we got together, I finally know.

Reply 18

natninja

Original post by Secretnerd123

sounds way too good to be true lol
or it might just be me being cynical lol

I say that mainly because it reminds me of me...

Reply 19

la95

Original post by Anonymous

It took me a while to be sure about my boyfriend - I certainly didn't "just know". In my situation, it was only after we really got to know each other and became comfortable with each other that I was sure we were in it for the long run.

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