I feel dead inside emotionally.

At 25, I have the material things. I have achieved a very strong CV, saving the FTSE100 company I work for over a million pounds in it's efficiency drive. I graduated with a 2.1 in Economics from a golden triangle university. I have all the nice clothes and can afford to live in a nice city apartment. I have my own side business and my overall earnings are set to be really pleasing to see.

However, inside? I feel dead. I had a ****ed up childhood. My mother and father dumped me to live with an abusive Uncle when I was 4, until I was 11 when I went to live with my grandfather (God bless his soul). My parents basically went away to live their own lives and didn't want to know, they turned a blind eye. I have major attachment issue from that and unhappiness from the physical and mental abuse. I don't think any partner or people close would want to hear about that kind of thing, or if I would even feel comfortable talking about it.

I had major health issues requiring several operation when I was 15-18, requiring weeks and weeks of being chained to a hospital bed. There was no time for me to develop close ties to people, I just felt alone all of the time. I just focused on academia as it gave me hope that I could carve some sort of my life for myself out of all the misery that I did not choose to have fall to me.

I don't know whether this is all why I can't find a good real relationship with a girl. I have never had a girlfriend before. One night stands I used to enjoy, but I really don't anymore. Everytime I find a girl when we sleep together, I develop feelings and for some reason or other it always ends up with her leaving to go somewhere else.. as if my earlier life of being abandoned is just playing itself over and over again.

Mentally, I just feel like I cannot let go and that I am just a bit ****ed up. I know one can say "Just try to get over it", but it really is difficult.

Reply 1

hideNfreak

3

Original post by Anonymous

Xl

I understand what you're going through. You feel even though you've achieved everything you set out to do, why are you not satisfied? I have one piece of advice, do not get over it, do not bottle this up. Just find someone to confide in so you don't go through this alone because it'll end up all the more worse.

You can PM if you want someone to talk to :redface:

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 2

999tigger

19

Gosh youve been through a lot, what crappy parents. If you having or have had therpay has it done you any good? Have you thought about doing some normal activities or maybe just friendships without the sex so you can start learning to not go overboard early? You seem smart enough to identufy some of the issues, but lack some of the self awareness at the time to prevent going into the cycle. Its perfectly possible to heal yourself but maybe baby steps will be better to make a gradual sustained move away? Don't be hard on yourself, you should know by now you need to be your own best friend.

Reply 3

hellodave5

19

I'd say see a clinical psychologist mate!
I know how you feel to some extent, but I think when you feel its that bad its probably best to see someone about it and work out a way out of it

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Hello all, I saw my doctor and got prescribed anti depressants but they did not really help me. I stopped taking them and I felt better for it.

I just need to figure out a way to move on, if I can.

Reply 5

thefatone

6

Original post by Anonymous

At 25, I have the material things. I have achieved a very strong CV, saving the FTSE100 company I work for over a million pounds in it's efficiency drive. I graduated with a 2.1 in Economics from a golden triangle university. I have all the nice clothes and can afford to live in a nice city apartment. I have my own side business and my overall earnings are set to be really pleasing to see.

However, inside? I feel dead. I had a ****ed up childhood. My mother and father dumped me to live with an abusive Uncle when I was 4, until I was 11 when I went to live with my grandfather (God bless his soul). My parents basically went away to live their own lives and didn't want to know, they turned a blind eye. I have major attachment issue from that and unhappiness from the physical and mental abuse. I don't think any partner or people close would want to hear about that kind of thing, or if I would even feel comfortable talking about it.

I had major health issues requiring several operation when I was 15-18, requiring weeks and weeks of being chained to a hospital bed. There was no time for me to develop close ties to people, I just felt alone all of the time. I just focused on academia as it gave me hope that I could carve some sort of my life for myself out of all the misery that I did not choose to have fall to me.

I don't know whether this is all why I can't find a good real relationship with a girl. I have never had a girlfriend before. One night stands I used to enjoy, but I really don't anymore. Everytime I find a girl when we sleep together, I develop feelings and for some reason or other it always ends up with her leaving to go somewhere else.. as if my earlier life of being abandoned is just playing itself over and over again.

Mentally, I just feel like I cannot let go and that I am just a bit ****ed up. I know one can say "Just try to get over it", but it really is difficult.

hey you there. remember the reason why you worked hard in school got a brilliant job and now you're living successfully unlike your scumbag guardians who didn't care or protect you.
stand in the mirror and take a good long look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself why you worked so hard to gain what you have so far?

you're a good person with a strong will and all you need to do is keep looking to the future because that's what's gonna happen, you're not gonna look at the past because that's all done an dusted.

Reply 6

Parasite

14

I feel you 100% and many would look at you and say you've got nothing to complain about because of your earnings and lifestyle (materially).

The only serious advice I can give you is to seek professional help. Clearly you feel unable to reach out to others and many would actually say "don't be paranoid" or "they're your parents/partner of course you can talk to them, just try", but deep down you know that's not possible and you're most probably right!

The second advice I will give you is to get rid of these people that cause you unhappiness. If remaining in contact with your parents is difficult then stop talking to them. This is hardest decision I had to make in my life, but it was worthwhile. You cannot "keeping things under the carpet" as they say. The way your parents avoid the topic is quite frankly disgusting and is unconsciously making you feel even worse. They make you feel as though you reaching out is a burden and this will translate itself to all of your relationships. The only way to reverse this is by taking some distance, only keep in contact with people who have been supportive in your life. Yes, in the short-term you will feel guilt, but you are entitled to your feelings, you have a right to be enraged. Direct this in a positive way not inwardly to yourself. Don't let societal ideals of family dictate your life. If your family are ****.... throw them out of your life.

The third advice I would give you is to stop with the one night stands. They are harming you more than they are doing you good. It is quite clear that you deeply crave bonding with another human who isn't shallow or doesn't leave in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately the only way your relationships will improve is when your personal confidence improves which will, most likely, be a lifelong mission. Take a break, go travelling on your own somewhere calm, trek, take part in activities blah blah blah. The way I deal with my childhood experiences is by helping others in return and this could also be beneficial to you.

Finding a good psychologist will be difficult, but please do not give up!!!! It's going to be difficult talking to a practitioner, but the more you do it the more comfortable it becomes I can assure you. Do you have at least one close friend you trust in confiding to? It's so hard reaching out to others and I sincerely hope your situation ameliorates.

If you want to talk feel free to pm me, i'd be more than happy to listen. :/ This was longer than expected.... sorry aha :colone:

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Parasite

I feel you 100% and many would look at you and say you've got nothing to complain about because of your earnings and lifestyle (materially).

The only serious advice I can give you is to seek professional help. Clearly you feel unable to reach out to others and many would actually say "don't be paranoid" or "they're your parents/partner of course you can talk to them, just try", but deep down you know that's not possible and you're most probably right!

The second advice I will give you is to get rid of these people that cause you unhappiness. If remaining in contact with your parents is difficult then stop talking to them. This is hardest decision I had to make in my life, but it was worthwhile. You cannot "keeping things under the carpet" as they say. The way your parents avoid the topic is quite frankly disgusting and is unconsciously making you feel even worse. They make you feel as though you reaching out is a burden and this will translate itself to all of your relationships. The only way to reverse this is by taking some distance, only keep in contact with people who have been supportive in your life. Yes, in the short-term you will feel guilt, but you are entitled to your feelings, you have a right to be enraged. Direct this in a positive way not inwardly to yourself. Don't let societal ideals of family dictate your life. If your family are ****.... throw them out of your life.

The third advice I would give you is to stop with the one night stands. They are harming you more than they are doing you good. It is quite clear that you deeply crave bonding with another human who isn't shallow or doesn't leave in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately the only way your relationships will improve is when your personal confidence improves which will, most likely, be a lifelong mission. Take a break, go travelling on your own somewhere calm, trek, take part in activities blah blah blah. The way I deal with my childhood experiences is by helping others in return and this could also be beneficial to you.

Finding a good psychologist will be difficult, but please do not give up!!!! It's going to be difficult talking to a practitioner, but the more you do it the more comfortable it becomes I can assure you. Do you have at least one close friend you trust in confiding to? It's so hard reaching out to others and I sincerely hope your situation ameliorates.

If you want to talk feel free to pm me, i'd be more than happy to listen. :/ This was longer than expected.... sorry aha :colone:

I don't really have a relationship with my parents, I have no sense of belonging with them, it is like we are strangers.

And yes, I have realised that about the one night stands. And yes, this is 100% it: " It is quite clear that you deeply crave bonding with another human who isn't shallow or doesn't leave in the blink of an eye".

My casual partner left me a few weeks ago and I have been in a dark place since then. I had feelings for her but she was moving elsewhere and she didn't care. I never told her how I felt, through the months I fell in love with her, but I think I fell in love with her portraying part of her personality. She wanted to settle down with someone else.
I have thought about just taking a holiday and getting as far away as possible (Australia and New Zealand maybe). I am not really interested in random girls anymore, I have changed a lot from a few years back when it used to be fun. It has no appeal to me whatsoever these days. But at the same time there is just a lot of regret and longing for the past with the girl I was with.

I did have a close friend but since I helped him find his partner he has become more and more distant, so I let him go his own way as he was not really spending time with me anymore. I have become more and more isolated over time.

I still have a lot of things I want to accomplish (e.g. travelling). But, I do want to have a family by the time I am in my 30s.

Reply 8

999tigger

19

Original post by Anonymous

Hello all, I saw my doctor and got prescribed anti depressants but they did not really help me. I stopped taking them and I felt better for it.

I just need to figure out a way to move on, if I can.

wouldnt some CBT or NLP therapy have been more suitable?

Also dont you think your ex us in a unique position to help you appreciate what its like to be with you? that could confirm things and have you moving in the right direction.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 9

Parasite

14

Original post by Anonymous

I don't really have a relationship with my parents, I have no sense of belonging with them, it is like we are strangers.

And yes, I have realised that about the one night stands. And yes, this is 100% it: " It is quite clear that you deeply crave bonding with another human who isn't shallow or doesn't leave in the blink of an eye".

My casual partner left me a few weeks ago and I have been in a dark place since then. I had feelings for her but she was moving elsewhere and she didn't care. I never told her how I felt, through the months I fell in love with her, but I think I fell in love with her portraying part of her personality. She wanted to settle down with someone else.
I have thought about just taking a holiday and getting as far away as possible (Australia and New Zealand maybe). I am not really interested in random girls anymore, I have changed a lot from a few years back when it used to be fun. It has no appeal to me whatsoever these days. But at the same time there is just a lot of regret and longing for the past with the girl I was with.

I did have a close friend but since I helped him find his partner he has become more and more distant, so I let him go his own way as he was not really spending time with me anymore. I have become more and more isolated over time.

I still have a lot of things I want to accomplish (e.g. travelling). But, I do want to have a family by the time I am in my 30s.

Of course, that's completely understandable! It's a good thing you guys have gone separate ways before you fall harder for the girl.

This is probably going to sound insane, but try and enjoy being alone! The more you enjoy being alone the easier it will be to meet good people as, over time, you rely less on their presence for personal fulfillment and happiness. Unconsciously, people sense others who have baggage or those who are emotionally intense/need closeness in order to feel whole/complete. Loving yourself is key and unfortunately, in this world, there is little space for sensitivity.

Have you thought of writing a blog expressing your ideas/feelings about the world, relationships or people in general? That can also evacuate some of the emotional weight and, you never know, you might even meet others who are in the same boat- perhaps even someone special.

I've recently signed up to this website called "meet-up" where you join groups with similar interests and occasionally or frequently "meet-up". Especially seeing as you're becoming increasingly isolated perhaps meeting a few people to go out with will reduce your feelings of isolation. Do you suffer from social anxiety by any chance?

Also, definitely take part in some travelling, if your job allows it, or humanitarian aid abroad, depending on your interests! Do you look after yourself like with food, going to get a massage blah blah blah. Try some of these out. Do something for you and worry less about others (easily said than done sadly). Perhaps even take up a new activity alongside your job; something relaxing, vigorous or maybe even do some volunteering?

I hope some of this helps and, most importantly, that you end up feeling better about yourself and your private life. The key is to care for yourself a little especially after everything you've gone through. You're a strong person, don't forget that!