"Gaslighting"-- of the manipulative kind-- in my relationship...

...I'm not talking about actual gas-lighting, but more from a Social Sciences/Psychological standpoint...

Has anyone ever experienced this in their significant other/partner/spouse?

I feel that my partner is up to no good- infidelity/cheating. For a while, I've had this gut feeling that won't go away. I just can't trust her for some reason- think its instinctual, and while I have no 100% proof or evidence, I've noticed small inconsistencies and things that just don't 'add up'.

She guards her phone, and regularly covers her phone screen with objects, places them strategically around it. This was after I prompted to her that she always used to put her phone face down-- now,I notice she places it face up but in positions that are covert. Whenever I bring it up, I'm made to feel like I'm been paranoid.

I feel like I am going crazy- because she has said stuff in the past- and I've sworn blind to myself that she has said such things, to then have them twisted and convoluted. Needless to say, I end up apologising all the time and feeling guilty.

I just have this deep feeling something is up, she goes off radar for periods at a time, explaining them away that she is going to run errands. She then appears offline and when I message her she responds immediately. Its almost as though shes changed her facebook settings-- to appear offline. I then bring it up, and she once again tells me "its because shes on her mobile".

I just have this feeling it won't go away. Subconsciously I feel shes pushing buttons for me. I feel like I'm losing my identity.

What can I do to protect myself? I'm moving in with her soon-- I don't know if its me going insane, paranoid or just something untoward happening.

Reply 1

doodle_333

well if you don't trust her, don't move in with her - that is quite simple! you shouldn't be making such a commitment with someone you can't trust

nothing you said sounds massively dodgy, perhaps hiding her phone from you but you could easily be paranoid about that or it could be that your paranoia is making her protective

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by doodle_333

Already handed in my notice from my former job. I hated that job anyways. I just landed a job in her locality- and have been looking forward to being with her, despite my paranoia.

Thing is, where do I draw the line between 'am I imagining things/irrational' and 'Are people manipulating my feelings/sense of reality'?

Reply 3

doodle_333

Original post by Anonymous

it's not a good idea still if you don't trust her, you should have already considered this

i have no idea, if there are major warning signs maybe that is where the small things like going 'off grid for a a few hours' become significant

Reply 4

Global Shahada

Is it really the end of the world if she's getting a bit of extra cock elsewhere?. As long as you haven't been replaced entirely its not really a problem, although i'd probs rubber up mind.

Reply 5

Eternalflames

Leave her immediately and go no contact as soon as possible. She's not worth your time

I think you will be able to relate to some of these red flags:
https://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php?212-30-Red-Flags

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Eternalflames

Whoa- holy **** a lot of the behaviours on that list match my Fiancee. However, in varying degrees- I tend to take stuff like this with a pinch of salt, and regard as armchair psychology, however, its hard not to get knots in your stomach and feel ill when reading this.

I must ask, do you have personal experience of dealing with sociopaths/psychopaths and narcissists? Ever dated one?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Global Shahada

Is it really the end of the world if she's getting a bit of extra cock elsewhere?. As long as you haven't been replaced entirely its not really a problem, although i'd probs rubber up mind.

Well...yes, because we are in an exclusive relationship. I didn't sign up for this.

If we were in an open relationship, or had prior arrangements then fine, however, we are engaged and as far as I am aware exclusive (unless she is indeed cheating on me).

I think your attitude and comments here are warped. Whether or not she's replaced me is irrelevant, emotionally or not- once someone cheats they've sort of checked out on some level anyhow. Its not acceptable, even if they say they love you, or consider you their partner- they still gave a part of them away to someone else.

That is not acceptable. Simple. At least not to any rational minded person. You do sound somewhat disturbed with you 'free' attitude on this topic. Ever cheated or been cheated on?

Reply 8

Eternalflames

Original post by Anonymous

Yes, my ex is a psychopath. I left him just 3 months ago, it was so tough the first month after, my mind was still consumed in thoughts of him. But regardless of whether she is a sociopath/psychopath or narcissist or not, she doesn't deserve you. I would leave as soon as possible, because I've been with someone like that and it ****ing hurts to stay but you just can't leave because you love them. I would urge you to leave for your own health, you need time away from her for good as she is nothing but trouble xxx

Feel free to PM me, I'll be happy to hear more of your story and help if I can :smile:

Reply 9

Global Shahada

Original post by Anonymous

Even most marriages of any real duration at some point are gonna run in to some infidelity. Better to accept this rather than drastically call the whole thing off. If you still mentally share the same common ground, what difference is an extra cock or two here or there gonna make?