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What's your opinion on getting engaged at a young age?

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Reply 40

Thomb

Original post by thefatone

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) if you know what i mean

ERRHHH I just realised what else that looks like.

Reply 41

whorace

I'm a little old fashioned so i'd only really marry if,

a) We owned significant assets which were joint
b) We were planning on having children immediately

Since I have no desire to have children until late 20s at the least it makes no sense.

Reply 42

Blondie987

I know wow on who's 19 and getting married this year, for me it would terrify me, I don't even know if I actually do want to get married but if I did I'd wait until I'm at least 25, probably 30

Reply 43

thefatone

Original post by Thomb

ERRHHH I just realised what else that looks like.

lol

Reply 44

username1967813

Original post by Changing Skies

Just curious to see the general opinion. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 21 in a month, we've been together two years and a few months and we quite like the idea of getting engaged within the next couple of years. I know a few people who I went to school with are currently engaged and I think it's fine. However, I know a lot of people who think that's absolutely ridiculous, and I see their point, but in my opinion, if you're sure then what is the issue? :h:

Obviously if people want to get engaged when they want that's cool, it's their own decision, and my parents both got engaged at your ages.

However, in my opinion, I'd wait, because you're still really young at that age and your twenties are a time when you should be finding your feet and having fun; you change drastically in so many ways during this time period. Moreover, marriage is so expensive and it's a hassle to get a divorce, so I'd wait a bit longer until I'm older before I can be absolutely sure I'm with 'the one'

Reply 45

doodle_333

Personally I would not be ready for marriage at that age (I wasn't ready at 20 having been in a relationship the same time as you and still am not now at 24 in the same relationship). I think for me the thing would be that I was just so long away from being in a stable place in my life and I feel like I changed a lot during university and changed a lot again when I started working full time. Luckily for me myself and my partner have grown together rather than apart but I feel like it easily could have gone the other way and that would have been harder if we were engaged. I find it really bizarre that my friends are all getting married and starting to have babies, there's no way I'd want that right now.

However, you should live your life how you want to. I don't think there's any reason to rush, if you think you'll be together for your whole life it hardly matters to get married 2 years later but it's your life!

Reply 46

Zarek

From what I've seen this can work, but it's high risk.

My rules for successful marriage would be, age>=25, together>=5 years, living together >=2 years, engagement length <= 1.5 years. This is a long haul test of compatibility and maturity.

Reply 47

chocolatesauce

as long as you don't end up like zayn and perri

Reply 48

samiz20891

Original post by Changing Skies

Have you lived together yet? For me, I really don't see any problem with age and getting engaged but I feel you should lived together for a couple of months if possible as I feel you get to know a person habits and characteristics a little bit better.

Reply 49

akj.latif

From my own experience, getting engaged really young has one of two outcomes: you either grow and mature together, or you grow apart. When you're 20, you begin to get out of phases etc. so you change quite a bit.

For the most part though, getting engaged so early is kind of like leaving a party at 21:00 to go home.

Reply 50

Changing Skies

Original post by samiz20891

Yeah that's sensible :smile:

we've lived together for a year and a half but that's with a couple of other people :tongue:

it's still given us a chance to see what it would be like as we're happy to act ourselves despite other people being around haha. Maybe it would be different if we were alone but who knows!

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Reply 51

Rum Ham

Don't see the problem in getting engaged at any age. Many people have long engagements and become engaged to show they are at a new stage of their relationship and to intend to marry one day whether that is in the near future or the distant future. Me and my partner got engaged at 21 and 22 after going out since we were 17 and living together since we were 18 and 3 years on and that's us just planning our wedding.

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Reply 52

lastlullabyy

Original post by Changing Skies

I think it's just your personal and your partner's matter, no one else's. You both need to know if you are really ready. Few people kept saying in this thread that you'd miss out on the fun etc. Why? That's just a bit odd. If you're in a relationship and you keep thinking that you need "more time to have fun" - why not have fun together? Maybe I'm just alone in my opinion and maybe it's the fact that I had to mature quite fast, but as I lived on my own since I was 16 through 3 years of high school, when I went to university I didn't really fit in well with people who were living alone for the first time... I had lots of fun as a teenager and when I went to uni and turned 20, my idea of what is "fun" for me kind of changed. Now I'm 22 and I've been living with my boyfriend officially for 8 months but unofficially for almost 2 years - we met when we started university and over the past 3 years both grew and changed a lot.

And yes, we do talk of getting engaged, sometime in near future (1-2 years +). Both of our families and friends know about it and have quite positive outlook on it. I think his family is more up for the idea than mine, but it might be strongly influenced by the fact that my family lives in different country and they don't see us together as a couple as often as his family does.

At the end of the day though, it's your life and your decision. If you don't try, you might miss out. I know quite a few examples of relationships where one person was ready to get engaged and married, but the other one had doubts. It seems like a long time until you're 30 and all but then what? Do you think you'll magically transform into a completely different person? I know on my own example that I have changed so so much during the past 4 years. And I will probably continue to change. My boyfriend will probably do the same. But if you love someone, why can't you just grow and change together?

Unless of course you both want completely different things from life already... I know a girl who got engaged to a guy who didn't want to have kids. She wanted to have a big family very much. They got engaged, been engaged for like 2 years - she kept thinking he's going to change his mind. He didn't and obviously the engagement fell out... But if you're on the pretty much the same page and what is more important, are both willing to compromise if needed - then I don't see a reason why not :wink:

And it's not "ridiculous" by any means - people who try to tell you what you should do etc is as it's not their life.

Reply 53

Nihilisme

Original post by Changing Skies

The younger you marry the more likely you are to get divorced.

Good luck.

Reply 54

insert-username

What's the rush?
An engagement isn't going to make your relationship any more "valid" or meaningful. It's completely pointless rushing into it so early. You might be in love now, and I certainly hope it stays that way, but the fact is that nobody knows what the future is. Things change, people change and you don't want to needlessly rush into something and end up regretting it.

At the end of the day, you can move in together and be a couple and that's great - getting engaged so early won't bring any benefit or make you an 'official' couple. I think 2 years is also pretty early to know for sure that this is someone you'll spend the rest of your life with. You're both in your twenties, you've only known each other for around 24 months... thats about 19 years of you two not knowing each other. Do you really think that's enough time to know if you will be compatible for the rest of your lives?

Wait a few more years and make sure you've moved in/been living together for a few years and are both financially stable and content in your careers before you start thinking of getting married. Take your time and enjoy being together. You don't need marriage to validate anything.

Reply 55

BlueSheep32

I agree with those who think you should have got past the 'honeymoon phase' of your relationship and have lived together for a while before getting married. Marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment that isn't easy to get out of, and something you should be completely sure of - you should know what your partner's flaws are and whether you could live with them, and you should know that they're going to support you in every possible way, whether it's because you're going through a bad time, or to achieve your goals. You do change a lot from turning 18 until your early twenties, which is something I'm finding out now, having been in the same relationship for the last four and a half years after meeting my boyfriend at 18...our differences have caused us to clash a lot recently. Of course, there's every chance you could grow closer, but equally you could grow apart. I look at my parents as a good example - they'd been together for years before getting married, and they'd already lived together for a while and had a child (me) at that point.

I think it's unhealthy to see marriage as some massive thing that's going to change your relationship for the better in some way...it's just another step in a journey that continues for the whole time you're together, except it happens to be legally binding, and you should do it when the time is right. If there's something you don't like about your partner and you wish they would change, and you think that things will be different if you make a commitment like moving in together or getting married/engaged, you're most likely wrong. I don't think I've explained that one very well but you get what I mean :P

Reply 56

AlmightyJesus

depends if you've been together for a while
otherwise, it's trailerpark material

Reply 57

Changing Skies

Thanks for the opinions guys. I wasn't necessarily saying we were planning on getting engaged though, just that we like the idea of it. It probably won't happen for a good few years. I was more looking for a general opinion on getting engaged early, not on my relationship specifically :tongue:

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