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Comparative Essay Query

I'm doing my comparative essay coursework (AQA LITB4) on Dracula and The Monk, about how they criticise the society of their time using gothic convetions. I have so far rewritten my essay twice and my teacher thought it was not only not specific enough but also off target, her advice was unhelpful as all she said was that I didn't spend enough time on it (which really made me :mad:

). I was wandering if anyone has any tips to keep on target, what aspects do i have to cover and tick to get the marks? im not short of points :frown:

please help with anything if anyone else is doing the coursework!
My essay so far

Spoiler

Reply 1

999tigger

Cant rea that without paragraphs. I would suggest though you write an essay plan and keep it simple and clear.

Introduction- very brief about each novel, but then about the purpose of your essay which is criticism of society through gothic convention

Critcism 1 what is it- whats the convention and how is it used in each book.
Criticism 2
Criticism 3
Criticism 4
Criticism 5

Maybe 4 would be optimal. or you could do 3 where they were critcising the same and 1 where ach had a different concern not commented upon by the other.

Conclusion- Something about alhough different novels the authors both had concerns about society and were able to reflect that wuthin their writing.
Your essay needs structure though and keep it simple so the reader knows where its going. cant read yous without paragraphs.

Reply 2

DrSocSciences

Go back to your teacher. Learning to take criticism, and seek clarification, is all part of the education process.

Reply 3

tc2802

Keep in mind 1) I'm on OCR, so it might not be exactly the same, but you've probably got the same type of criteria, and I don't know if your teacher has explained all I've said to you before - ignore me if they did! 2) I haven't read your books, so I can't really specify if your ideas are off or not.

The thing is that my first draft was terrible, because I just went with my gut and wrote lots. It did not work out. I went back to the guidelines and found it really helped. Here are said guidelines :
assessment objective 1 - academic language, formal wording. You've got this down, but I would suggest reading each of your sentences individually and making sure they are straightforward and clear. For that I'd suggest the classic gcse motto : PEEL. Write one sentence for each and then maybe add to that if the idea isn't put across enough. But yeah, your language is great!
AO2 - language analysis (and not only analysing what is being said, which you do very well albeit maybe not enough, but also HOW it is being said, eg :' Sylvia Plath's use of harsh consonants and Nazi imagery in her poem Daddy helps convey her anger at the two men'. Easier for poetry, but you seem strong enough to follow through in prose as well)
AO3 - criticism and other readings : ok so from what I see in your essay, you evoke critics but don't quote them very much. Quote them in your points, they can be super useful! It can be as simple as 'Blanche, as Camille Paglia put it, “Elia Kazan claimed [...] was Tennessee Williams”' or convey your point with hardly any work on your part eg "in Austen's own work, [idea] : for example, “[Elinor] aspires to happiness and happiness is marriage", in Elena Ferrante's words"
AO4 - historical context : you've got that. Nuff said.

Otherwise, it seems to me that your beginning is a bit awkward, as happens with all of us when starting an essay. Read it out loud to someone, maybe, and see what they think - it should sound formal but flow well, too.

I hope that this was helpful! Once again though, if you knew all of this, ignore me, and I'm sorry if it sounded condescending or patronising :frown:

If anyone sees a blatant error in what I said please go ahead and correct me.

Reply 4

sam_lionheart

Original post by DrSocSciences

Go back to your teacher. Learning to take criticism, and seek clarification, is all part of the education process.

The problem is my teacher is very unhelpful with the whole process (most likely due to how many students she has) I just was seeking further help here, thanks for the advice!

Reply 5

sam_lionheart

Original post by 999tigger

Cant rea that without paragraphs. I would suggest though you write an essay plan and keep it simple and clear...

Thank you for the reply and advice :smile:

The formatting must have disappeared when I copied from Word, didn't realise sorry! Your advice is helpful, structure is definitely something I need to work on. Drifting off, as well as detail I think is a fault of mine and remembering to stick to criticise+compare will help a lot.

Reply 6

sam_lionheart

Original post by tc2802

Keep in mind 1) I'm on OCR, so it might not be exactly the same, but you've prob...

So helpful!! :smile:

Just someone reading it and talking about it is helpful. The assessment objectives are something I've been drifting off from and yes I think I wrote what ever I wanted in this attempt rather than sticking to them. Thanks for the advice!
Peel is something I think I might need to use along with character, voice, setting for structure, I forgot about that old abbreviation :wink:

The language anylsis is the difficult part I need to find more quotes, totally agree with it being easier on a poem (I'm doing Daddy in my second coursework!) I've already started reworking the plan and structure of my essay and this will help.

Thanks so much for your response,
Sam

Reply 7

tc2802