I will NEVER find anyone.
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Original post by Anonymous
I am quite literally invisible to women.
I've had one long term relationship and I was happy with that. After it ended two years ago I took the necessary steps to heal, and when I was ready I started dating again. I tried online sites, Tinder, asking girls out etc, and I have had no success. The most frustrating thing is, I don't understand why. At first I thought I might be unattractive, but after a lot of asking around apparently I'm quite good-looking, yet I can't get any matches on something as superficial as Tinder. Then I thought it was my personality, but again after asking around apparently there is nothing about me that would put girls off. I've even spoken about this in therapy and apparently there is nothing wrong with me.
"You're trying too hard". Maybe? I don't know. When I don't try at all I make no progress whatsoever. I rarely meet girls as it is, so I feel I have to try with anyone I feel a remote connection too. That's the thing as well, I hardly find that; I could be at a party, speaking to a random girl, and they'll just brush me off. Women simply don't want anything to do with me.
Yet all around me, people are finding relationships or at least having some casual fun. I'm at uni, it's to be expected. I'm not the only one I know who is single, but these people tend to be single by choice or because they've recently come out of a relationship (only to soon jump into another one with no difficulty whatsoever).
I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I'm lonely.
I've had one long term relationship and I was happy with that. After it ended two years ago I took the necessary steps to heal, and when I was ready I started dating again. I tried online sites, Tinder, asking girls out etc, and I have had no success. The most frustrating thing is, I don't understand why. At first I thought I might be unattractive, but after a lot of asking around apparently I'm quite good-looking, yet I can't get any matches on something as superficial as Tinder. Then I thought it was my personality, but again after asking around apparently there is nothing about me that would put girls off. I've even spoken about this in therapy and apparently there is nothing wrong with me.
"You're trying too hard". Maybe? I don't know. When I don't try at all I make no progress whatsoever. I rarely meet girls as it is, so I feel I have to try with anyone I feel a remote connection too. That's the thing as well, I hardly find that; I could be at a party, speaking to a random girl, and they'll just brush me off. Women simply don't want anything to do with me.
Yet all around me, people are finding relationships or at least having some casual fun. I'm at uni, it's to be expected. I'm not the only one I know who is single, but these people tend to be single by choice or because they've recently come out of a relationship (only to soon jump into another one with no difficulty whatsoever).
I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I'm lonely.
Sounds like almost exactly the same as my situation, except I've graduated from Uni so probably don't get quite as many opportunities.
I don't know the answer, all I can say is there are others in the same boat - I do hope that one day my luck will change, but after waiting for around 2 years like you, I know all too well the feeling that it never will. All of that while it seems everyone else is able to live to their choices, be that being single, or having a casual relationship or long term relationship.
Original post by Anonymous
That's the thing though, I can't even find anyone to do anything casual with. I don't even so much as get looked at when I'm out, and like I said I don't even get matches on a casual app such as Tinder.
It's why I thought I was ugly, but I've asked around amongst friends, online etc and not one person has suggested I'm unattractive. Quite the opposite in fact.
I got extremely lucky, but the relationship wasn't healthy for me in hindsight. Still, whilst I don't wish to sound ungrateful one woman out of the many I've met isn't going to instill me with confidence.
It's why I thought I was ugly, but I've asked around amongst friends, online etc and not one person has suggested I'm unattractive. Quite the opposite in fact.
I got extremely lucky, but the relationship wasn't healthy for me in hindsight. Still, whilst I don't wish to sound ungrateful one woman out of the many I've met isn't going to instill me with confidence.
I'm sure you're not, maybe people are even looking at you when you don't notice and things like good posture can go a long way, don't give up hope!
same, probably
either I'll (very rarely) find a girl and then **** things up, or my friend will steal her from me. he's succeeded once, and attempted once, right in front of me...
it's a great life.
either I'll (very rarely) find a girl and then **** things up, or my friend will steal her from me. he's succeeded once, and attempted once, right in front of me...
it's a great life.
Original post by Anonymous
Again, I'd like to point out that I can't get anything casual.
I've tried. No luck. Besides, most older women won't go for younger guys I would imagine.
I believe I have reason to "sweat it" when clearly there is something preventing me from experiencing any sort of connection with a female. As the scenarios you mentioned, highly doubtful as I have never been approached.
I go to uni (so, lectures and parties), I work, I volunteer at three separate organisations. I'd like to think I'm making a good enough effort as it is.
I've tried. No luck. Besides, most older women won't go for younger guys I would imagine.
I believe I have reason to "sweat it" when clearly there is something preventing me from experiencing any sort of connection with a female. As the scenarios you mentioned, highly doubtful as I have never been approached.
I go to uni (so, lectures and parties), I work, I volunteer at three separate organisations. I'd like to think I'm making a good enough effort as it is.
Older women do go for younger men, I know a few men of are married to older women and I have dated older women when I was younger.
I never stated that they have to approach you, they may give you indicator to approach them.
Have you tried going to speed dating events, various classes and the like?
Why don't you book yourself a dating coach, which is not a bad idea and perhaps he could sort you out in the sense of observing your body language, confidence, vibe, etc, Theirs plenty around, a good one is the authentic man within, Google him.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by M14B
There is someone out there for everybody.
I'm sorry, but that's just utter bs.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm sorry, but that's just utter bs.
Both mentalities (thinking that there's someone for everyone, and thinking that there's no one for you) are bad for different reasons in my opinion. But you need to think about it (or not think about it at all) in a way that helps you to find someone.
First, like yourself. The rest follows.
Online sites and Tinder, meh... Do you often go out? (with friends, it's much easier)
When I was 23 I had done nothing (no GF, no 'casual fun'). I didn't have any close friends and I wasn't going out. All I was doing was going to uni and sitting in my room the rest of the time, how could have it been different? Then I got good friends and we would see each other very often. I met a lot of girls (friends of friends, their relatives or just girls I wouldn't have approached alone) and things changed. Good luck!
When I was 23 I had done nothing (no GF, no 'casual fun'). I didn't have any close friends and I wasn't going out. All I was doing was going to uni and sitting in my room the rest of the time, how could have it been different? Then I got good friends and we would see each other very often. I met a lot of girls (friends of friends, their relatives or just girls I wouldn't have approached alone) and things changed. Good luck!
Original post by Anonymous
Online sites and Tinder, meh... Do you often go out? (with friends, it's much easier)
I mention sites like Tinder because if I can't even attract one person with my appearance on a superficial app, what chance do I have in real life?
I've been told I'm a 7, sometimes 8 out of ten, in terms of attractiveness. I'm not a bad looking guy, really.
Original post by Anonymous
When I was 23 I had done nothing (no GF, no 'casual fun'
. I didn't have any close friends and I wasn't going out. All I was doing was going to uni and sitting in my room the rest of the time, how could have it been different? Then I got good friends and we would see each other very often. I met a lot of girls (friends of friends, their relatives or just girls I wouldn't have approached alone) and things changed. Good luck!
. I didn't have any close friends and I wasn't going out. All I was doing was going to uni and sitting in my room the rest of the time, how could have it been different? Then I got good friends and we would see each other very often. I met a lot of girls (friends of friends, their relatives or just girls I wouldn't have approached alone) and things changed. Good luck!I go out with friends all the time. Never been approached, never really had a girl look at me. I don't meet girls through friends, or when I'm out taking part in my interests.
OP you keep insisting you're a good looking guy. Alright but to get matches on tinder you have to have really good photos too; girls will generally give your profile half a second of consideration at most with the inclination to left swipe. Make sure you change her mind with your profile pic. Well framed head shots with flattering lighting tend to work well as a first picture. And then if you have abs or something use a holiday beach photo as your second.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
I am quite literally invisible to women.
I've had one long term relationship and I was happy with that. After it ended two years ago I took the necessary steps to heal, and when I was ready I started dating again. I tried online sites, Tinder, asking girls out etc, and I have had no success. The most frustrating thing is, I don't understand why. At first I thought I might be unattractive, but after a lot of asking around apparently I'm quite good-looking, yet I can't get any matches on something as superficial as Tinder. Then I thought it was my personality, but again after asking around apparently there is nothing about me that would put girls off. I've even spoken about this in therapy and apparently there is nothing wrong with me.
"You're trying too hard". Maybe? I don't know. When I don't try at all I make no progress whatsoever. I rarely meet girls as it is, so I feel I have to try with anyone I feel a remote connection too. That's the thing as well, I hardly find that; I could be at a party, speaking to a random girl, and they'll just brush me off. Women simply don't want anything to do with me.
Yet all around me, people are finding relationships or at least having some casual fun. I'm at uni, it's to be expected. I'm not the only one I know who is single, but these people tend to be single by choice or because they've recently come out of a relationship (only to soon jump into another one with no difficulty whatsoever).
I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I'm lonely.
I've had one long term relationship and I was happy with that. After it ended two years ago I took the necessary steps to heal, and when I was ready I started dating again. I tried online sites, Tinder, asking girls out etc, and I have had no success. The most frustrating thing is, I don't understand why. At first I thought I might be unattractive, but after a lot of asking around apparently I'm quite good-looking, yet I can't get any matches on something as superficial as Tinder. Then I thought it was my personality, but again after asking around apparently there is nothing about me that would put girls off. I've even spoken about this in therapy and apparently there is nothing wrong with me.
"You're trying too hard". Maybe? I don't know. When I don't try at all I make no progress whatsoever. I rarely meet girls as it is, so I feel I have to try with anyone I feel a remote connection too. That's the thing as well, I hardly find that; I could be at a party, speaking to a random girl, and they'll just brush me off. Women simply don't want anything to do with me.
Yet all around me, people are finding relationships or at least having some casual fun. I'm at uni, it's to be expected. I'm not the only one I know who is single, but these people tend to be single by choice or because they've recently come out of a relationship (only to soon jump into another one with no difficulty whatsoever).
I'm frustrated. I'm upset. I'm lonely.
Hey
If it reassures you in any way, me and my friends went into college with no relationships and now most of them have boyfriends/girlfriends, yet when people ask me why I haven't I'm honest with them - 'I don't like anyone.' If you're not in a relationship, don't worry. I know quite a few people at uni who aren't.... its normal. You're not rushing into things and you have more time to sit around watching films and having a WHOLE BLANKET and FOOD to yourself
Most people would say that's being lazy, but I would class it as heaven.Why be in a relationship when you can have all this food and blanket to yourself? I'm really bad at selling the singe life
Anyway, my input aside, it seems like you're doing alright. Try spending more time with your friends if you can, go out with them to a film or out for a meal - just not to a club. There's no doubt that if you ask, they'll come out with you.
Good luck
And may you be happy and merry! 
Original post by PoisonSky
OP you keep insisting you're a good looking guy. Alright but to get matches on tinder you have to have really good photos too; girls will generally give your profile half a second of consideration at most with the inclination to left swipe. Make sure you change her mind with your profile pic. Well framed head shots with flattering lighting tend to work well as a first picture. And then if you have abs or something use a holiday beach photo as your second.Posted from TSR Mobile
I'm not meaning to sound arrogant. Trust me, months ago I would have come on here saying that I was ugly. That said, many people have told me otherwise so I'm just stating what I've been told.
My photos are quite good, with varying differences (facial hair, clean-shaven etc).
Original post by QueenBee98
Anyway, my input aside, it seems like you're doing alright. Try spending more time with your friends if you can, go out with them to a film or out for a meal - just not to a club. There's no doubt that if you ask, they'll come out with you.
Good luck And may you be happy and merry!
Good luck
And may you be happy and merry! I appreciate the kind words, but I do exactly as you've described but no good fortune comes my way.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm not meaning to sound arrogant. Trust me, months ago I would have come on here saying that I was ugly. That said, many people have told me otherwise so I'm just stating what I've been told.
My photos are quite good, with varying differences (facial hair, clean-shaven etc).
I appreciate the kind words, but I do exactly as you've described but no good fortune comes my way.
My photos are quite good, with varying differences (facial hair, clean-shaven etc).
I appreciate the kind words, but I do exactly as you've described but no good fortune comes my way.
Ah Bless you
It isn't all bad - at least you'll know who your friends are! My advice would be to not bother with a relationship as of yet - they can be a good thing, yet they can also stress people out. Focus on you studies and then, if you work it right and feel ready, go for it. I'd like to say that they'll just come to you, but that's not always the case. Better yet, don't go STRAIGHT at a girl for a relationship. Build a friendship first. And then, if you both feel the same way about one another and it doesn't feel weird then you should give it a shot
Being single sucks yes but it's usually the case that the minute you stop desperately looking for a relationship you'll end up in one. For ages I was going after guys who I fancied and was being turned down and then I gave up thinking that there's no point I'll just finish college and find someone at uni. Now I'm in a relationship with a guy! Love and relationships is one thing you cannot rush getting into and I know it sounds horrible but it's a waiting game. You never know when the one is going to come around x
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by QueenBee98
I'd like to say that they'll just come to you, but that's not always the case. Better yet, don't go STRAIGHT at a girl for a relationship. Build a friendship first. And then, if you both feel the same way about one another and it doesn't feel weird then you should give it a shot
Original post by CharlotteEmma98
Being single sucks yes but it's usually the case that the minute you stop desperately looking for a relationship you'll end up in one. For ages I was going after guys who I fancied and was being turned down and then I gave up thinking that there's no point I'll just finish college and find someone at uni. Now I'm in a relationship with a guy! Love and relationships is one thing you cannot rush getting into and I know it sounds horrible but it's a waiting game. You never know when the one is going to come around x
It seems a bit pointless for me to just wait and hope for the best, especially when I consider myself invisible to girls. I'm not going to find success by doing nothing. Finding out why they're so repulsed by me would be a good start.
Any more advice? 
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