Is it wrong to use jealousy?

You often here people recommed getting your crush or whatever jealous so they'll view you as "higher value" and therefore want you
Two problems with this:
1. Isn't this a malicious tactic? You're literally trying to hurt someone you like. Jealousy can be really painful. When you get an ego boost from your belief that they're jealous, this is ultimately a sadistic thrill; it's schadenfreude.
2. For getting with someone you wanna be with - not just hook up with - they might confuse being jealous that you're with someone else for genuine feeling of affection. Once they go out with you they might realise they only wanted you because someone else had you (what psychologists call: mimetic desire) and you weren't good for them and you've wasted their time getting them to go out with you.

Using jealousy is popular tactic but always seemed :dolphin:

ked up to me

Reply 1

Binary Freak

Probably more inclined to say anyone using jealously intentionally probably deserves a punch more than anything.

I'd take a lot of the advice you get on here with a grain of salt.

Reply 2

Blondie987

I think it would back fire tbh, no point in playing games just tell people how you feel!

Reply 3

username1623349

Playing mind games is wrong, full stop. It's immature and pointless and will often backfire horrifically. If you like someone then it's best to be straightforward and honest.

Reply 4

Swole

Forget morals. Just do what it takes.

Reply 5

MagicNMedicine

Yes its has a major risk of backfiring and making you feel like a first class plank.

I learned this a while back when I was at uni. In the last few weeks of term I'd been hanging out / flirting with a girl and I was enjoying her attention although I hadn't decided for sure whether I wanted to take it forward to a relationship. I figured that I'd think it over during the Christmas holidays and then progress things when we got back.

Anyway over Christmas I was out with some friends including a hot girl I'd been friends with (just platonically) for ages, so tactically I made sure there were a couple of pictures taken of me and her together with our arms around each other in a club and I thought haha these are going on facebook to create some mystery, my uni crush is going to be stalking my facebook and start wondering who that girl is and getting jealous, which will raise my profile with her. She wasn't contacting me much over Christmas and so I thought ha she's gone shy, thinking I might have a girlfriend, stressing over it.

So after Christmas we get back for the new term and my crush messaged me saying "hey we should meet up" so I strolled along all super confident like I was the Fonz meeting my starstruck admirer, I expected her to do some digging about what I'd been up to, who I'd been hanging out with, but she didn't really do any. Then at the end of our meet up I casually threw in "so are you free this weekend" [I had also been spending the Christmas holidays carefully working out my strategy for this weekend date and how I was going to progress things] and she said "oh no sorry, I'm going back home - I'm kind of seeing this guy from my Christmas job, we were thinking of it being just some holiday fun at first but now we think we might give it a go!".

My badass Fonz image rapidly disappeared and I felt pretty foolish that in my head I'd been constructing this facebook jealousy game whilst she had been busy meeting another guy, getting with him and probably wasn't even looking at my facebook profile at all.

But it was a good lesson to learn: stop trying to construct games and just be upfront and direct, if you like someone try and progress it rather than trying to exploit jealousy to raise your attractiveness in their eyes.

Reply 6

tootles44

Original post by MagicNMedicine

Had she been slightly more attracted to you or maybe met you before the other guy, and had she actually seen the photos, I can guarantee it would have had an effect that would've worked in your favour.

Reply 7

Stk1010

Been there, done that, and I regret it massively. 'Love' makes you do crazy things and this is certainly one of them.
It morally makes no sense, but it dwindles down to the old myth; 'treat them mean, keep them keen'. Of course, it seldom works and more often than not ends up in heart break.

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Reply 8

MagicNMedicine

Original post by tootles44

Yes I'm sure it would had she not met the other guy, but that's the point. If I really wanted to get with her what I should have done is progressed things in those first few weeks when we met, and not left it over the holidays hatching this daft plan to make her jealous with facebook pictures and then pick things up when I came back.

Meanwhile, she had started a Christmas job working in a shop, there was another guy there, they were working long shifts together and going for drinks after work and stuff and things happened. He hadn't thought "well I'll wait till Christmas is over and we're not working together before looking to progress things, and maybe find a way to make her jealous and then see if that makes her more attracted to me."

Reply 9

tootles44

Original post by MagicNMedicine

I see, that makes much more sense. Why do you think you did that then instead of trying to progress things without the jealosy games? Were you very young?