Crazy over-attached mother!

That's a really hard one. You need to make it clear that moving out has nothing to do with whether you love them or not. Most students move out for the experience. Plus, sometimes, it makes things easier - because sometimes, if you've got an hour between lectures, you can't always exactly just pop home.

So this year is when I start uni, and I want to move out. My uni is only 20 minutes away from home but I still want to move out - why? Because as much as I love my parents, they are crazily over-protective/paranoid. Especially my mother. We've had a lot of downs this year, major arguments etc but I do love her no matter how crazy she can be. As for how restrictive she is, I just cannot deal with that which is why I want to move out, I wanna feel free which I don't feel now. My two elder sisters have moved out and I'm pretty sure she didn't give them this much of a hard time. I've always been close with my parents compared to all of my other siblings, and they've always been close to me ever since I was a child. Anyway, now that I want to move out my mother has come up with some crazy logic saying 'If you move out, that means you don't love me' giving me some weird and unreasonable ultimatum. As if they're mutually exclusive. I do love her, but I just want to move out. And if I tell her that I want to move out because I feel as though she is very restrictive, she'll go on to say 'How am I restrictive? This means you're going to want to do wrong things at uni' etc etc when I don't. I'm really trying to hold down on saying 'YOURE CRAZY AS **** MUM' but I obviously don't want to be disrespectful but she doesn't listen any other way. Also, my elder brother went to uni (he's now 23) and lived at home then and even now - he never moved out so my mum always brings him up and says 'He never moved out and he's fined'. She says that if I want to move out, then that's fine but she'll never call me and just some really petty stuff like that. She also said that I can move out in my second year and when I asked her how that would make a difference, she said 'I don't know it just will'. I've told her how childish and selfish she's being but then she just says that I don't care about her and that I never have and that I should stop pretending to care about her.

I love my parents dearly but frankly I cannot wait to move out, problem is that I don't want to make them upset.

NB. They're pakistani so...that should say a lot about why they are the way they are.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

For my mother, 'the experience' is not a viable reason. She says the whole point of uni is for education, not for the experience...

well you need to learn how to do things yourself when you get your own family and kids right? so you need to learn how to wash clothes, cook, clean dishes and toilet etc
so move out teaches you to do things like that yea?

They will probably say you can learn that at home.

OP, can't you go to a university that is slightly further away (not in the same city)? And then say that this university is the only university that does the exact course (and has the exact modules) that you want so moving out is your only option (otherwise you can't go to university )? It is going to be hard to convince your parents to allow you to move 20 minutes away because to them it's more logical if you just stay at home then. That's why I said consider another city that is still close so you can convince your parents by saying you'll visit during the weekends..

They will probably say you can learn that at home.

OP, can't you go to a university that is slightly further away (not in the same city)? And then say that this university is the only university that does the exact course (and has the exact modules) that you want so moving out is your only option (otherwise you can't go to university )? It is going to be hard to convince your parents to allow you to move 20 minutes away because to them it's more logical if you just stay at home then. That's why I said consider another city that is still close so you can convince your parents by saying you'll visit during the weekends..

You've already said that she won't take "student experience" as a reason, so focus on academic reasons! (even if they're not true)

eg........

You'll have easy access to tutors and facilities all day - you won't be getting home and realising you've forgotten to ask something or hand something in. You won't be keeping your parents up with all the work you'll be doing in the middle of the night, especially printing or whatever. You feel like if you're living at home you'll get distracted from your work by having your parents around. If you need to go to or from the university in the evening or earlyish morning in winter, you'd feel safer travelling a short distance than travelling for 20 mins in the dark. You need to learn how to be more self-motivated and not have your parents making sure you're working all the time, and it's better to learn this in first year than in second, when the workload will be heavier.

Hope you manage to move out!

maybe you're the last of your siblings left at home and doesn't want you to leave?


well you need to learn how to do things yourself when you get your own family and kids right? so you need to learn how to wash clothes, cook, clean dishes and toilet etc
so move out teaches you to do things like that yea?

That's the problem, I wanted to go to a uni which was in North England, which is about 3 hours way but they complained that it was way too far away and to find one near by...so I did. Problem is, now it's too close. My mother is saying I can move out but that she'll be 'sad for the rest of her life' and she's completely ignoring me right now.

She claims that I can learn to do all those things once I get married, or that she'll let me do all of those things at home so I can learn.