Feel like such a bad daughter :(

I used to have such a good relationship with my parents until I started seeing my boyfriend. They find no faults with him, but they don't trust me because I kept him a secret for so long (felt too awkward to tell them about him for a long time). I also went on contraception without telling them (initially for periods, but then later for sex), and they found out. They told me that they didn't want me going on any contraception till I was an adult but I've been taking it for six months without their knowledge. I know it's the right thing to do as I don't want an unwanted pregnancy, but I can't help feeling like such an awful person - they are lovely albeit irritaiting parents (at times), and whenever they're nice to me I just feel so guilty. What do I do???!

I used to have such a good relationship with my parents until I started seeing my boyfriend. They find no faults with him, but they don't trust me because I kept him a secret for so long (felt too awkward to tell them about him for a long time). I also went on contraception without telling them (initially for periods, but then later for sex), and they found out. They told me that they didn't want me going on any contraception till I was an adult but I've been taking it for six months without their knowledge. I know it's the right thing to do as I don't want an unwanted pregnancy, but I can't help feeling like such an awful person - they are lovely albeit irritaiting parents (at times), and whenever they're nice to me I just feel so guilty. What do I do???!

I used to have such a good relationship with my parents until I started seeing my boyfriend. They find no faults with him, but they don't trust me because I kept him a secret for so long (felt too awkward to tell them about him for a long time). I also went on contraception without telling them (initially for periods, but then later for sex), and they found out. They told me that they didn't want me going on any contraception till I was an adult but I've been taking it for six months without their knowledge. I know it's the right thing to do as I don't want an unwanted pregnancy, but I can't help feeling like such an awful person - they are lovely albeit irritaiting parents (at times), and whenever they're nice to me I just feel so guilty. What do I do???!

Also I'm 17 if that makes any difference

How old are you? I'll assume 16+.

Your parents have no right to say you can't take contraception, and they're being so very naive if they think stopping you taking contraception is in any way a good idea...

Firstly, good on you for being responsible.

My wife (started going out at 16) went on contraception without her parents knowing. There's a reason doctors aren't allowed to tell parents if you request it, it's none of their business. You are your own person and you are entitled to privacy and your own decisions. She's a very private person and didn't feel comfortable with her parents having anything to do with her contraception.

I also went to the doctors, even a hospital appointment without telling my parents at 15 for personal things - it's my body and my right to take it to the doctors and get treatment.

I'd say never budge on that issue. Especially given you were taking it for reasons other than sex! You have to suffer extra pain because you're parents whim? Hell no.



Regarding the secret keeping. What is their right to know you have a boyfriend? Similarly my wife kept me secret for a few months. Luckily there wasn't any awkwardness when she told them, because there shouldn't be. If they don't hold any ill-will towards your boyfriend and don't want you seeing him, why should you have to tell them? Just because?

It's your life. You can have what relationships you want, and they have no right to "know" who you are seeing if you don't want to tell them in my opinion. You don't say whether they have actually done anything because of it, sounds like there's just a bit of awkwardness in the air. That's probably going to happen even if you'd told them from the beginning, don't hold it against them. It's tough sometimes to see your kid grow up.

Don't feel guilty. If my daughter (in 15 years or so) had a boyfriend and didn't tell me I'd feel a little hurt, for feeling that she didn't perhaps trust me or we didn't have a relationship where she can tell me thing, but I know how awkward it can be and I don't think I could hold it against her or treat her differently for it.

well if you feel awkward about having a boyfriend they haven't raised you in an environment where they encouraged you to be open about things like sex/relationships (I can relate because that's the environment that I was brought up in). your parents are partly responsible for the way you've felt about him, therefore. they can't be too angry and you can't be too guilty.

You should be able to take medication to control your periods without having to tell them, you are of legal consent age so they have no right to make you guilty for wanting to have safe sex.

They are extremely paranoid about me having sex, and as a result it makes it so difficult for me to actually access the contraception without them knowing. They seen me coming out of a sexual health clinic before (even though I went with my friend so she wasn't alone and could get her own contraception), and it was tense at home for days. I think I just need accept that they'll never be okay with it so I just ought to go about things without them knowing. Thank you for reminding me of this

I get that you kept him a secret for so long. Trust me - i do. It's embarrasing to share your boyfriend with your parents. However, i could see why they would question it. And if you do stuff such as using contraception without telling them, and they find out, more doubt is just going to grow. Talk to them about this stuff before you start - they were teenagers once too. Wow, really need to take my own advice here. However, you should not feel guilty when they're nice to you - they'll forgive you for all the stuff you did in the past - it's what parents do, and if they're moving on, you should too. If they don't trust you, then get them closer with your boyfriend, so they can really see what he is like - they should come around. I have more to say but i can't think of a way to put it. Good luck!

I would love to be more open but I feel like there's too much that I've lied about! Like all the times I've "gone out with friends" but actually went to get contraception. I feel like they'd question everything I do if they found out I've been keeping secrets again things have been ok recently so I don't want to ruin it again. I think I'll just have to move on and accept that we don't have a strong relationship.

You do have a right do get conctraception, i will say that. Just don't let things drift too far apart between you. Try to hide it if they're not comfortable with you buying it - and i know this goes aginst what i just said. But you have the right, you are 17, you are basically an adult and they will be eating they're words next year when they said it will be fine when you are 18, it will never be fine with them, they won't be able to imagine their daughter doing having sex with a boy they barely know, .So just be careful, ok? Always here if you need to talk.

I would love to be more open but I feel like there's too much that I've lied about! Like all the times I've "gone out with friends" but actually went to get contraception. I feel like they'd question everything I do if they found out I've been keeping secrets again things have been ok recently so I don't want to ruin it again. I think I'll just have to move on and accept that we don't have a strong relationship.