Do you think slow replies indicate lack of interest?

In terms of the dating world... I have signed up for a new app. I have spoken to 3 guys so far...

Guy number 1: I sent him a like first and the next day he reciprocated with a message. He took forever to reply to my messages. He would apologise a lot and say it's because of work. I let it slide, we exchanged numbers after a while and the same thing happened. He would take forever or ignore my messages and blame his phone. I cut him off, he still tried to get in contact shortly after.

Guy number 2: He sent a like first and messaged me. I recognised him from my high school and surprisingly he knew who I was too. I added him on Facebook (we have mutual friends). The conversation flowed throughout the day until he said good night and he'd talk to me the next day. He didn't follow up but I didn't hold it against him since we barely know each other like that. We haven't spoken since (only been two days).

Guy number three: I sent a like, he did the same and messaged me. We have only exchanged like three messages between us. He apologised and said he didn't use the app that much, he still continued the conversation. I feel like he is going to turn out like the first guy tbh. In my eyes I thought if someone was interested they would make the effort? Or do I need to give it more time to figure the person out?

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Yes

Was gonna say no but when I look back at the guys i give slow or no replies to, I have zero interest. As anti social as I am, if I liked someone I'd at least try to hold a convo.
Remember, some people are just bad texters so it might not be you tbh.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Elise213

Was gonna say no but when I look back at the guys i give slow or no replies to, I have zero interest. As anti social as I am, if I liked someone I'd at least try to hold a convo.

Same. These guys have been holding conversation though e.g. asking what I do for a living, my hobbies and so on. It just takes long to get a response and I'm finding myself mirroring them. I mean if they weren't interested why bother messaging me in the first place? I find it weird.

Reply 4

Elise213

Original post by Anonymous

maybe they're actually bad texters but then again if I were you I'd say fcuk that. either you like me and at least make the effort to speak or you can keep it moving.

dunno if this would help but maybe ignore their message for a while and see if they pop up with a ?? or another question. then they might actually be bad texters. if they don't reply then maybe they don't care.

Reply 5

Lychee628

Yeahh it does in my opinion tbh

Of course they do.

Yes

There could be two reasons. One being them not interested or the second one you just aren't a good conversation holder. Girls expect guys to keep the conversations flowing but we are humans just like you. You need effort from two people for a conversation to flow.

When I'm talking to new girl and she's not making enough effort in the conversation I reply slow and let it drag out because often I get unsure what say next.

Reply 9

jawsontheflooor

honestly it depends on the person, sometimes it can
i know people that regularly have trouble with their phones/forget to reply/are playing a game so not to appear desperate

Reply 10

yoda123

Maybe they're thinking carefully about what they want to say

Reply 11

ANM775

The majority of the time yes, slow replies indicate lack of interest.

I find if you try and call people on it, they will make excuses about why they are replying slow and claim they are interested, ...but in the end the truth has always been that they're just not too bothered about you

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by ANM775

Absolutely. I joked about guy number one disappearing and he said his phone was not working properly and claimed all this chats were closing. Imo he could have mentioned this from the beginning had it been true.

Original post by yoda123

Maybe they're thinking carefully about what they want to say

To basic questions that do not require much thought?

Original post by jawsontheflooor

honestly it depends on the person, sometimes it can
i know people that regularly have trouble with their phones/forget to reply/are playing a game so not to appear desperate

I am so over this game playing saga. The way I see it is if two people l like each other then why delay responses. If you don't like someone why would you indicate conversation like all three guys above have done. I also find it hard to believe that people genuinely forget to reply to someone they're interested in.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by Mauryan

Lol. If you're not interested why start a conversation? All these guys have messaged me first with '' hey how are you doing? '' and from there I've asked another question. I don't expect anyone to carry a conversation by themselves that would be silly. I am a talkative person for the most part, I just hate the slow reply process. I feel like I am mirroring their behaviour and that isn't my style at all.

Reply 14

Dinasaurus

Yeah sometimes but some people are kinda just **** at conversation anyway, if you know them and they're like replying fast to everyone else but not to you then obviously yes.

Reply 15

Darien91

Original post by ANM775

Hit the nail on the head

Reply 16

Wyrley

Depends what you mean regarding slow replies. For example if he's working 9-5 then there's a good chance that he won't have his phone on him for the majority of that time bar a his lunch break and therefore would be unable to reply. If after he'd finished work he was still slow to reply then yes I'd take it as an indication of disinestest unless he'd said he was busy (ie. Gone to the gym, playing 5 a side, etc).

Reply 17

ANM775

Original post by Anonymous

coming from a male perspective:
Online dating is very competitive if you are a male. Most males do not get a lot of replies or a lot of dates [or sex for that matter], sometimes males will cast wide nets and just send mass copy and paste style messages out .....just to see what comes his way and who might be interested. He might not actually be initially that interested in you or still on the fence about you, but tries to keep the convo going because he isn't swimming in options and isn't sure if he's interested or not.

when I was into online dating [am not anymore] I would sometimes do this, and I know a lot of other males who were far worst and would do this sort of thing all the time.

Here is a study on Tinder someone conducted:
http://worst-online-dater.tumblr.com/post/114619524524/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are

it's a long read but very interesting. especially for males.

it basically confirms what I had suspected for a long time about online dating which is that the 80/20 rule is in full effect on there. the top 20% of the guys are literally ****ing 80% of the women.

This results in many males casting wide nets in order to try and secure a female. Yes, you are going to get flaky males ....and males you are going to get flaky women ...it's just the nature of the online dating beast.

Reply 18

username1726117

Pretty much. Some people are genuinely busy, but if they really liked someone generally speaking they'll make an effort to contact them regularly.

Reply 19

stargirl63

Original post by Anonymous

OP, if you exchange numbers, its better to call. I don't think it's fair to say "slow texters" don't have an interest. Yes of course you would put in more effort if you like that person, but this is still the early stages, they don't know if they like you yet. If you're meeting them online, give them your number and you can always block them later if you don't like them and don't want to talk to them...nothing lost.

I don't really like spending my evening texting someone about their hobbies, brothers and sisters, small talk, when you can divulge a lot more from a person (e.g. their sense of humour, banter, connection), with a 10 min phone call, rather than a whole evening of text. Texting isn't efficient if you want to get to know someone.

I'd suggest in future, you ask them to call you on their way home from work, or something like that, and have a little conversation.