Picked an obese girl over me... I feel offended, does this make me a bad person?
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Haha obese
Oh my... In few years time you'll see how silly and unrelevant this situation was, promise.
4 years ago I had a massive crush on a guy I went to school with. We were getting along very well, he knew I liked him... Little did I know that he was in love with someone else and now, 4 years later they're engaged. I don't like her, I never liked her and personally never seen what he likes about her (we all went to school together). But it's not me who's in love with her so it's not my business...
Now, 4 years later I have amazing boyfriend with whom I live and talk about the future. The memory of that "crush" is just that - a memory.
You sound a bit mean, to me at least... Obesity has so much more in store than just eating. I put on quite a lot of weight since I've started uni - would be a fool if I said that mental health and health issues didn't contribute to it. I'm working hard to lose that weight and restore "balance" in my life.
What I want to say is, unless you know that girl personally, you have no idea what made her that way. I know a girl who became obese after she had a miscarriage... Another one has scars from cuts all over her hands... Everyone has some struggles. She might be a wonderful person, for all you know... Remember what they say, looks fade but personality stay. Like people have said here - it was clearly not meant to be. Doesn't make you a terrible person. Just not the right one for him. Or him for you.
One day you'll meet someone who's going to fall head over heels for you. With the feeling being mutual. I like to think that perhaps "destiny" is a thing - I believe there is something to it.
4 years ago I had a massive crush on a guy I went to school with. We were getting along very well, he knew I liked him... Little did I know that he was in love with someone else and now, 4 years later they're engaged. I don't like her, I never liked her and personally never seen what he likes about her (we all went to school together). But it's not me who's in love with her so it's not my business...
Now, 4 years later I have amazing boyfriend with whom I live and talk about the future. The memory of that "crush" is just that - a memory.
You sound a bit mean, to me at least... Obesity has so much more in store than just eating. I put on quite a lot of weight since I've started uni - would be a fool if I said that mental health and health issues didn't contribute to it. I'm working hard to lose that weight and restore "balance" in my life.
What I want to say is, unless you know that girl personally, you have no idea what made her that way. I know a girl who became obese after she had a miscarriage... Another one has scars from cuts all over her hands... Everyone has some struggles. She might be a wonderful person, for all you know... Remember what they say, looks fade but personality stay. Like people have said here - it was clearly not meant to be. Doesn't make you a terrible person. Just not the right one for him. Or him for you.
One day you'll meet someone who's going to fall head over heels for you. With the feeling being mutual. I like to think that perhaps "destiny" is a thing - I believe there is something to it.
(edited 8 years ago)
If he doesn't like you then so be it. Why are you throwing a big tantrum because he chose someone who you think is less attractive than you?
I understand that you really want to be with him. I don't blame you, he's your crush. But he's taken now and so don't be the reason they break up. Respect other people's relationships.
I understand that you really want to be with him. I don't blame you, he's your crush. But he's taken now and so don't be the reason they break up. Respect other people's relationships.
You sure hes not ahem.
In the closet ?
In the closet ?
Original post by Anonymous
So a guy friend of mine who I had been crushing on for years picked an obese girl over me, knowing that I liked him. I feel annoyed and offended by this. Perhaps this makes me evil. But I'm just being brutally honest.
I feel really down about myself now. I suppose everyone is going to tell me that my personality must suck or that maybe my face is ugly. Without trying to big myself up I get told I'm pretty a lot even by strangers there's not a week that goes by without someone saying it to me and that is face to face not on line. This week I've had 3 people tell me so 2 at the gym and one friend of a friend. I get approached a lot but rarely asked out. When I look in the mirror at my face I don't feel pretty at all though but I do think I have a decent body only because I workout most days. I get told I'm nice, sweet and innocent but I actually think this is actually my downfall and the reason no one wants to date me.
So what can I do?
Am I a bad person?
Should I care if I'm bad? Sometimes I think that's what I need to be.
I feel really down about myself now. I suppose everyone is going to tell me that my personality must suck or that maybe my face is ugly. Without trying to big myself up I get told I'm pretty a lot even by strangers there's not a week that goes by without someone saying it to me and that is face to face not on line. This week I've had 3 people tell me so 2 at the gym and one friend of a friend. I get approached a lot but rarely asked out. When I look in the mirror at my face I don't feel pretty at all though but I do think I have a decent body only because I workout most days. I get told I'm nice, sweet and innocent but I actually think this is actually my downfall and the reason no one wants to date me.
So what can I do?
Am I a bad person?
Should I care if I'm bad? Sometimes I think that's what I need to be.
It depends why you're annoyed, really. Are you annoyed because of the pure fact she's obese and you're not and therefore you think you were the better choice for him because of that? Because if so then yeah... that is kind of bad. Looks aren't everything.
If you're annoyed because he knows you like him but still chose someone else that's a bit more understandable. But do take in mind that just because you have feelings for him doesn't mean it's reciprocated. There's no point in him being in a relationship with you if he doesn't like you that way. It doesn't mean he thinks your ugly or what not. It just means he likes you as a friend and that's it.
As for people telling you to go to the gym, don't let their opinions affect you. There's someone out there somewhere that likes you for the way you are. Of course if you're not confident in yourself then that is something to take action upon in whichever way you like. I just started going to the gym for body confidence issues and it's literally made me feel better in every way possible. But I doubt that's the case for everyone.
Original post by Zarek
So, we all lose out at times to someone else and its not always clear why and pretty frustrating. But to turn on your love rival and use a pretty unpleasant insult does you no favours. Bounce back and play to your strengths.
Yeah I guess we all can lose out sometimes. But how did I use an insult? She is obese, fact. A doctor for example would use the same term. Should I have used a euphemism like 'more to love', 'rubenesque' or something? But I agree I just need to move on and bounce back from this.
Original post by Impressive
I'm getting really annoyed now at people assuming just because she's large she is the one that can cook. Look: she can't cook! She just gets takeaways and ready meals. I can cook I used to cook for him all the time and he loved it.
This thread has more to do with your insecurities within yourself than your crush or this girl.
Obviously, you have a lot going for you- you go to the gym, you seem well crafted in terms of hobbies and you write about yourself rather interestingly.
On the other hand, your comparing yourself to the likes of this girl whom you say is simply "obese". She may have other redeemable qualities for which you have no idea about?
Just because someone is fat, a little chubby or otherwise obese, doesn't mean people don't find them attractive on some level. They still find partners, just as much as their thinner/healthier counterparts.
I think whats more relevant to mention is your wanting to compare yourself to her, which is what is making you down/negative about this. Maybe she has a smashing personality? Or maybe you project a lot of your insecurities or perceived negativity onto this guy; your crush, and he senses this- rendering you less attractive in his eyes?
I don't really know why he picked her over you- i'm speculating. Did he explicitly know how you felt?
Alternatively, it could be that men perceive you as a threat- you say your rather active, and I assume athletic? This sort of image comes with assumptions that your sure of yourself, and men may feel a bit intimidated by this. They may (wrongly) assume that your arrogant or that your conceited or 'love yourself'?
I'd also try to be more empathic towards these *obese* women you speak of, because actually living with humility and modesty may actually paint you as more attractive in a lovers eyes. The ability to be abled to say 'okay, your obese or whatever, but this isn't always an unattractive trait to us all- some people don't judge a book by the covers' et cetera.
I think in this instance OP, it might be better to chalk this up as an experience to learn from. Maybe take this opportunity to be kind to yourself, but also kind[er] to others.
Hope this helped.
Obviously, you have a lot going for you- you go to the gym, you seem well crafted in terms of hobbies and you write about yourself rather interestingly.
On the other hand, your comparing yourself to the likes of this girl whom you say is simply "obese". She may have other redeemable qualities for which you have no idea about?
Just because someone is fat, a little chubby or otherwise obese, doesn't mean people don't find them attractive on some level. They still find partners, just as much as their thinner/healthier counterparts.
I think whats more relevant to mention is your wanting to compare yourself to her, which is what is making you down/negative about this. Maybe she has a smashing personality? Or maybe you project a lot of your insecurities or perceived negativity onto this guy; your crush, and he senses this- rendering you less attractive in his eyes?
I don't really know why he picked her over you- i'm speculating. Did he explicitly know how you felt?
Alternatively, it could be that men perceive you as a threat- you say your rather active, and I assume athletic? This sort of image comes with assumptions that your sure of yourself, and men may feel a bit intimidated by this. They may (wrongly) assume that your arrogant or that your conceited or 'love yourself'?
I'd also try to be more empathic towards these *obese* women you speak of, because actually living with humility and modesty may actually paint you as more attractive in a lovers eyes. The ability to be abled to say 'okay, your obese or whatever, but this isn't always an unattractive trait to us all- some people don't judge a book by the covers' et cetera.
I think in this instance OP, it might be better to chalk this up as an experience to learn from. Maybe take this opportunity to be kind to yourself, but also kind[er] to others.
Hope this helped.
Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes
Your personality sucks a bit 
You just called her "trash", like seriously?
If she sleeps around a lot, and is bigger than you, that doesn't exactly make her "trash".
You should build up yourself and have more confidence in yourself and not be so harsh about others, I understand he was your crush, but just use this as a learning experience I suppose :/.
Also, you don't need to "act" nice if you are nice, just like you don't have to act horrible if you are horrible. You are who you are, of course you can improve upon yourself but I honestly feel like acting like something you're not won't help in this situation. Just be yourself.
You just called her "trash", like seriously? If she sleeps around a lot, and is bigger than you, that doesn't exactly make her "trash".
You should build up yourself and have more confidence in yourself and not be so harsh about others, I understand he was your crush, but just use this as a learning experience I suppose :/.
Also, you don't need to "act" nice if you are nice, just like you don't have to act horrible if you are horrible. You are who you are, of course you can improve upon yourself but I honestly feel like acting like something you're not won't help in this situation. Just be yourself.
No... Get it right I didn't call her trash. I was talking about myself as in this scenario I'm clearly the trash to him as I'm the one who didn't get picked, but what I was saying I will be someone else's treasure. Plus it's a fairly popular saying in general I suppose beauty is in the eye of the beholder is the cute, non-PC way of saying it then, so I won't be using it again.
Okay I guess you're right maybe I shouldn't say she's been 'around the block' as that's none of my business and she's free to do what she wants. I was trying to point out that she's slept with many guys, despite knowing that she wanted a relationship not a casual affair. So it's not like she was being all empowered and free, 21st century or whatever because actually wanted a boyfriend not sex but she still gave it up to any guy that gave her attention. I guess it's kind of sad really a part of me feels sorry for her I think in time I will feel happy for them both.
The whole 'be yourself' thing. I appreciate that but it's just not that easy. Who we are changes so much over time. I have to 'act' nice because I don't want the world to turn me cold and angry but I'm sick of putting everyone else first I just get stepped on. Perhaps the real me is this horrible person that I've been suppressing who is clearly starting to peek out as my personality sucks, I'm shallow etc. etc. So I think I should just let her out and let it be.
Original post by emobambam
No n
I'm sorry I don't know you and I don't really mean much offense by this but you seem a little shallow. Maybe she has something unique to offor him. Maybe she gives him oral sex. LOL maybe her father has more money than your father. My best advice is not to think about those kind of things. Those things will just drive you crazy. I'm sure you're very attractive and you have a lot to offer lol I'm single.
I'm sorry I don't know you and I don't really mean much offense by this but you seem a little shallow. Maybe she has something unique to offor him. Maybe she gives him oral sex. LOL maybe her father has more money than your father. My best advice is not to think about those kind of things. Those things will just drive you crazy. I'm sure you're very attractive and you have a lot to offer lol I'm single.
Okay you say I'm shallow but then you say he probably likes her more because she gives oral sex and her dad is loaded??? Isn't that shallow though? If he's in for the sex and the money?
But yes I should just not think about it as whatever the reason it's tough luck on me there's nothing I can do about it so it doesn't matter what the reason.
Original post by Bezoar
Maybe she's a talented Chaser in her schools Quidditch team, a self-made animagus and Head Boy.
Oh yeah I forgot to mention that part.
Original post by chikane
You have that with some people and some people don't with others.
Like when you meet someone you feel a connection a vibe and you feel drawn to them and they may not be the best looking person but that doesn't matter.
Or he might like you if you became obese
Like when you meet someone you feel a connection a vibe and you feel drawn to them and they may not be the best looking person but that doesn't matter.
Or he might like you if you became obese
I feel kind of sad that that connection was one sided though because I felt it for him, and indeed he's not a very attractive guy but I didn't care. We were so close as friends so we obviously had some kind of connection but I feel I just wasn't enough.
No offence to anyone but I'd simply never let myself go to the point of being obese. And I wouldn't fatten up for any guy it's not worth it.
Original post by DrSocSciences
Maybe she has fewer issues.
No she has some serious issues that I'm not going to go into here. Come to think of it, so does he. They are both quite into alcohol and drugs use as well whereas I'm not. So it some ways it kind of makes sense.
Original post by Anonymous
Oh yeah I forgot to mention that part.
I feel kind of sad that that connection was one sided though because I felt it for him, and indeed he's not a very attractive guy but I didn't care. We were so close as friends so we obviously had some kind of connection but I feel I just wasn't enough.
No offence to anyone but I'd simply never let myself go to the point of being obese. And I wouldn't fatten up for any guy it's not worth it.
I feel kind of sad that that connection was one sided though because I felt it for him, and indeed he's not a very attractive guy but I didn't care. We were so close as friends so we obviously had some kind of connection but I feel I just wasn't enough.
No offence to anyone but I'd simply never let myself go to the point of being obese. And I wouldn't fatten up for any guy it's not worth it.
Yes don't go obese it will take forever to lose weight and you will have excess skin hanging off you (yuck)
Original post by Little Popcorns
Haha obese
I'm not saying to poke fun I'm using the actual medical term.
Original post by Lambert87
Is he actually obese though, or is this your way of slating her because he chose her?
Yes... She is not just overweight she is obese. You know, the same thing a doctor would say. It's not a slur.
Original post by doculmc7171
If he doesn't like you then so be it. Why are you throwing a big tantrum because he chose someone who you think is less attractive than you?
I understand that you really want to be with him. I don't blame you, he's your crush. But he's taken now and so don't be the reason they break up. Respect other people's relationships.
I understand that you really want to be with him. I don't blame you, he's your crush. But he's taken now and so don't be the reason they break up. Respect other people's relationships.
I might be annoyed, I might even be a bad person but I'm not evil. I would never do that to him. He is my dear friend, you know. Anyway after this I really don't want him any more I don't want sloppy seconds. I'm just hurt.
Original post by muslimstanisyed
You sure hes not ahem.
In the closet ?
In the closet ?
Possibly, but I doubt it.
Realize that you are far better than she is and that you don't need to change to be more like her in any way - and that you are too good for him as well. He hasn't seen it, or maybe he has, and is intimidated or jealous (factors that nobody's talked about here. People actually subconciously do avoid people they think they're not good enough for.) What's happening here is, that because you're such an altogether good person, Fate will not let you end up with the person who is bad for you.
Original post by chikane
Yes don't go obese it will take forever to lose weight and you will have excess skin hanging off you (yuck)
I wouldn't even do it for a million. I'm serious because you can't put a price on your body and your health. It would mess me up mentally more to the point to reach that state, then have to lose the weight, have the loose skin etc.
Original post by Anonymous
I seem too innocent. I'm not exciting, I'm not sexy.
I would say that's only going to be a problem for a few guys as opposed to most.
(source: I'd go for innocent)
Original post by Anonymous
I'm getting really annoyed now at people assuming just because she's large she is the one that can cook. Look: she can't cook! She just gets takeaways and ready meals. I can cook I used to cook for him all the time and he loved it.
Let me be a judge of that.
Spoiler
Original post by Anonymous
I'm getting really annoyed now at people assuming just because she's large she is the one that can cook. Look: she can't cook! She just gets takeaways and ready meals. I can cook I used to cook for him all the time and he loved it.
Such a kind person. He loved it, did he show his appreciation?
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