open relationships

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Unfortunately, whenever sex is mentioned, you get some morons coming out of the woodwork. Some of the comments reveal far more about their posters than anything constructive.

As @georgiaswift said, open relationships can work - I have been in one for a long time - but it needs both parties to agree on what the rules are.

What do you and your boyfriend agree and disagree about around this?

Reply 21

Armastan

Original post by Anonymous

everyone saying mean things and that I'm disrespectful don't really get it. My boyfriend has a low sex drive- in the year we've been together we've only had sex about 15 times even though we see eachother most days, I love him but he can't completely satisfy me

If he doesn't satisfy you, then break up with him? You asking for an "open relationship", giving you permission to sleep with other people, is probably hurting his feelings and making him feel bad about himself for not being able to satisfy you.
I'm personally against open relationships. A relationship should be where you're committed to one person, and an open relationship just seems like an excuse for people who like attention to have sex with whoever they want to. It's not fair to have a partner to satisfy you emotionally and another just to satisfy you physically, in my opinion.

Edit: I also understand that you don't want to break up because you do love him, but it's probably the best option here. Not just for you, but for him too so you can both find partners who are more compatible to your sex drives.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 22

Anonymous #3

Open relationships are abs disgusting, talk from exp, ex-bf poly, me mono, so you can imagine the envy, i hate him for it and wish he goes to hell, the thought of sleeping around with multiple men/women makes me cringe, you need to have 0% self respect for that.

Reply 23

999tigger

Its only going to work if you both agree on the rules and are comfy with it. If one of you is just going along, then you will be heading for relationship stress, resentment and eny. I doubt there are many who are as comfortable in their own skin that they can get the balance correct to make it work.

OP at least you are talking to him, perhaps you both might consider a sex therapist, so you can get a compromise level of sex or raise his a little more. If you cnat make that work, then I would find someone you are more compatible with. Not sire open relationships are the way to go because it touches on issues far beyond the sex. Loyalty, trust, the idea of commiting to someone etc.

Reply 24

Anonymous #1

Original post by unprinted

we disagree because he doesn't like the idea of me being with someone else, and yes I get why people have said it's not fair to him to want more than he can give me, he's not willing to compromise and have sex more or let me explore my sexuality with other people, which I think is selfish.

Reply 25

Dheorl

Original post by Anonymous

And it's selfish you expecting him to be sad purely for your pleasure. Basically it's a loose loose situation, hence everyone telling you to just do the guy a favour and break up with him.

Reply 26

Anonymous #1

Original post by Dheorl

And it's selfish you expecting him to be sad purely for your pleasure. Basically it's a loose loose situation, hence everyone telling you to just do the guy a favour and break up with him.

relationships are about compromise. I compromise my needs to fit his, but I would like to be met in the middle and I don't think that's unfair to ask. He's still able to do elements of foreplay with me if he's not in the mood to have sex but it's like we do nothing

Reply 27

keturah

I wouldn't have one but each to their own. I get attached to someone I sleep with and would hate the idea of them being with other people.

Reply 28

coutrneyf

I personally wouldn't be in an open relationship as I am a very committed and loyal person but obviously it can work out in some cases. Although both sides of the party would need to be happy with the decision.

Personally, for me I would rather be in a serious, fully committed relationship rather than an open relationship which includes more than 2 people.

Reply 29

Anonymous #1

Original post by coutrneyf

I am serious and committed and loyal. That's why im trying to find a way to resolve it. Not all people who try polygamy are slutty and unfaithful:/

Reply 30

Dheorl

Original post by Anonymous

Maybe that's his limit. Maybe having sex with you at all is already a compromise. If you can't deal with it then as previously mentioned, break up with him.

Reply 31

Rorschach II

Original post by Matrix123

I'm totally against it - one person is more than enough for me

Posted from TSR Mobile

Would you prefer a child then?

Reply 32

Matrix123

Original post by XcitingStuart

Would you prefer a child then?

Sorry?

Reply 33

ripjonsnow

Im against open relationships, psychologically it would end in you having feelings for someone else, you leaving your BF for that person, and hurting him even more.
^
If not this scenario, It will ruin his self-esteem and damage his opinion of you.
The main reason is that you cant get enough sex?
lol wut, so this is the reason you are in a relationship? for sex?

Break up with him, before you break his heart. You are already thinking about it, now the thought is in your head, you are more likely to cheat.

Reply 34

donutellme

Original post by Anonymous

Explore sexuality...

Why do people keep throwing this phrase around? What the **** does it even mean??

And an open relationship is not commitment.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 35

Anonymous #1

Original post by donutellme

Explore sexuality...

Why do people keep throwing this phrase around? What the **** does it even mean??

And an open relationship is not commitment.

he's my first sexual partner, I'm by no means his. Because we barely have sex there are things I want to do/try which he can't give me, so I can't explore my sexuality with him

Reply 36

donutellme

Original post by Anonymous

he's my first sexual partner, I'm by no means his. Because we barely have sex there are things I want to do/try which he can't give me, so I can't explore my sexuality with him

You like men. There's no more to it.

If it's so important for you to have sex, find another guy.

Reply 37

Anonymous #1

Original post by donutellme

You like men. There's no more to it.

If it's so important for you to have sex, find another guy.

what i want is to find someone else I could hook up with if my needs arent being met, so exactly what you instruct. I love my boyfriend enough to try and find a solution other than breaking up.
And there is a lot more to it, don't tell me you don't have any kinks

Reply 38

donutellme

Original post by Anonymous

Doesn't sound like "commitment" to me.

Needs? Are you an animal that you can't suppress it...?

You dont love your boyfriend if this is something that crossed your mind. You might as well break up. This isn't a solution.

Reply 39

dairychocolate

Original post by georgiaswift

OP, ignore the hateful comments in here. Monogamy isn't for everyone.Open relationships can work, but they can only work if both parties want one. The fact that your boyfriend doesn't suggests that you're on different wavelengths in the relationship. In that case, it would be best to leave him and find a partner who also wants an open relationship. Otherwise you'll just end up hurting your boyfriend, as you both want different things from the relationship. If he wants monogamy and you don't, it's unfair to stay with him.

Can't believe I had to scroll so long to find a sensible reply.

Personally, I would have said 'no, but we can be FWB' if OP proposed an open relationship to me.

Original post by Armastan

an open relationship just seems like an excuse for people who like attention to have sex with whoever they want to.