He doesn't want me to go to uni.
I am fortunate enough to have an offer from Oxford. I know how lucky I am and I still cannot believe I actually got in.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
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Original post by CatherineE-S
I am fortunate enough to have an offer from Oxford. I know how lucky I am and I still cannot believe I actually got in.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
Go to uni
If he truly cared about you he would encourage yoy to go since oxford is such an amazing opportunity, if he wont wait for you then he isnt right and if you didnt go to oxford youd end up resenting him
go to uni its too good an oppurtunity to pass up and statistically speaking it is very unlikely you will remain with this guy. do you
Original post by CatherineE-S
I am fortunate enough to have an offer from Oxford. I know how lucky I am and I still cannot believe I actually got in.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
What does he give as reasoning?
The main downsides of going to university whilst in a relationship are the distance from one another and the fact that you will be around lots of single, drunk freshers with similar interests to you who you might find yourself more interested in than your boyfriend. It might be that he feels he needs to keep an eye on you and thinks you'd find someone else or cheat on him.
Don't listen to him, go to Oxford.
The problem is that you're at different stages of your lives. He is older, settled in his career and wants to settle. Nothing wrong with that. You are presumably around 18 or 19 and going to uni now, so there is going to be a big difference in your short term goals right now. A 3 year age gap is not really a problem most of the time but I think it can be arguably most problematic when it's between people in your situations. As you've said, you want in the future what he wants right now. It doesn't sound like you would last at uni on the basis of wanting very different things so I would strongly suggest you go to Oxford and if that kills off your relationship it wasn't strong enough in the first place
Original post by carrotstar
What does he give as reasoning?
The main downsides of going to university whilst in a relationship are the distance from one another and the fact that you will be around lots of single, drunk freshers with similar interests to you who you might find yourself more interested in than your boyfriend. It might be that he feels he needs to keep an eye on you and thinks you'd find someone else or cheat on him.
The main downsides of going to university whilst in a relationship are the distance from one another and the fact that you will be around lots of single, drunk freshers with similar interests to you who you might find yourself more interested in than your boyfriend. It might be that he feels he needs to keep an eye on you and thinks you'd find someone else or cheat on him.
If he doesn't trust her it's dead in the water anyway
Original post by CatherineE-S
I am fortunate enough to have an offer from Oxford. I know how lucky I am and I still cannot believe I actually got in.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
My mum rejected Oxford to Marry my dad and they produced ME
Choose carefully
Original post by CatherineE-S
I am fortunate enough to have an offer from Oxford. I know how lucky I am and I still cannot believe I actually got in.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
Huge red flag if he's trying to be this controlling when you've only just started dating. Nobody likes it when their partners go away to uni, LDRs aren't the same as being around each other all the time, and many couples do split up when one or both starts university, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go.
Original post by CatherineE-S
I am fortunate enough to have an offer from Oxford. I know how lucky I am and I still cannot believe I actually got in.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
Ridiculous. What else does he have in mind for you? Very selfish of him.
Chances are he won't be the one you 'settle down' with. You are still young.
Everyone has to make their own way.
Original post by BekahMay
Go to uni
If he truly cared about you he would encourage yoy to go since oxford is such an amazing opportunity, if he wont wait for you then he isnt right and if you didnt go to oxford youd end up resenting him
If he truly cared about you he would encourage yoy to go since oxford is such an amazing opportunity, if he wont wait for you then he isnt right and if you didnt go to oxford youd end up resenting him
The latter of this advise is most pertinent - implying that your situation is bitterness waiting to happen. I agree with the above declaration.
Oxford only has 8 week terms.
So that's like 28 weeks of the year back home where you'd be able to see him. That's the majority of the year.
Also, why can't he get a job in Oxford for a few years if he's that bothered? Careers often take people away from home from time to time. Plus, it's only for 3-4 years. If this is a lifetime relationship, that's not a lot.
SS
So that's like 28 weeks of the year back home where you'd be able to see him. That's the majority of the year.
Also, why can't he get a job in Oxford for a few years if he's that bothered? Careers often take people away from home from time to time. Plus, it's only for 3-4 years. If this is a lifetime relationship, that's not a lot.
SS
Firstly- congrats on the offer 
of course you have to accept it and go to uni, but you know that already- ditching uni to be close to the one you love is tempting (trust me I know) but painfully illogical.
I'm in a similar situation- hopefully going to Durham next year which is a very long way away from my boyfriend. He's 5 years older and whilst I'm sure he'd prefer for me to stay close for uni, or even not go at all, he knows I have to take this path and not let him influence my decision.
One of the reasons your boyfriend may be against you going is the idea of you meeting someone else- and it's a valid one because dating a girl about to take her place among the intellectual elite whilst you didn't even go to uni, whilst there's nothing wrong with it, is intimidating. People change at uni, and couples grow apart. The amount of people who go to uni intending to stay in a relationship but who end up breaking up is significantly higher than those who make it in successful long distance relationships, and statistically speaking that'll probably be you and it'll probably be me too, as much as we don't want it to be. However, it works for some. I have a friend who gets a 12 hour megabus journey every few months to see his girlfriend in St Andrews for a couple of days. It's inconvenient but if you love eachother it can work. Plus, they get to hang out non stop every time she comes home from uni.
There's freshers. Drunken nights out with plenty of lecherous and equally drunk teenagers- there's a reason people associate freshers with lots of casual hookups I suppose, and it's scary to think that maybe the one you love might go astray. That's probably part of his reasoning, but he should trust you to be loyal, so it's a good make or break situation for many relationships.
It's selfish for him to want you to stay, yes, but it's coming from a place of love. If your relationship is strong enough you'll both trust that it'll work and if it doesnt, well, you have no control over that and maybe it's not meant to be after all- that wouldn't be unis fault, that'd be down to the pair of you. Hope this has been helpful
of course you have to accept it and go to uni, but you know that already- ditching uni to be close to the one you love is tempting (trust me I know) but painfully illogical. I'm in a similar situation- hopefully going to Durham next year which is a very long way away from my boyfriend. He's 5 years older and whilst I'm sure he'd prefer for me to stay close for uni, or even not go at all, he knows I have to take this path and not let him influence my decision.
One of the reasons your boyfriend may be against you going is the idea of you meeting someone else- and it's a valid one because dating a girl about to take her place among the intellectual elite whilst you didn't even go to uni, whilst there's nothing wrong with it, is intimidating. People change at uni, and couples grow apart. The amount of people who go to uni intending to stay in a relationship but who end up breaking up is significantly higher than those who make it in successful long distance relationships, and statistically speaking that'll probably be you and it'll probably be me too, as much as we don't want it to be. However, it works for some. I have a friend who gets a 12 hour megabus journey every few months to see his girlfriend in St Andrews for a couple of days. It's inconvenient but if you love eachother it can work. Plus, they get to hang out non stop every time she comes home from uni.
There's freshers. Drunken nights out with plenty of lecherous and equally drunk teenagers- there's a reason people associate freshers with lots of casual hookups I suppose, and it's scary to think that maybe the one you love might go astray. That's probably part of his reasoning, but he should trust you to be loyal, so it's a good make or break situation for many relationships.
It's selfish for him to want you to stay, yes, but it's coming from a place of love. If your relationship is strong enough you'll both trust that it'll work and if it doesnt, well, you have no control over that and maybe it's not meant to be after all- that wouldn't be unis fault, that'd be down to the pair of you. Hope this has been helpful
Original post by CatherineE-S
I am fortunate enough to have an offer from Oxford. I know how lucky I am and I still cannot believe I actually got in.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
I recently started seeing a guy who I just click with, he's 3 years older than me and didn't go to uni, and is doing well in life and his career right now. He's already thinking about moving house and settling down. I want that in the future, but not right now. Equally, I can't stand the thought of losing him, and he's said the same about me. I know he doesn't want me to go. I can't reject Oxford, but I don't want to lose him.
Why does he not want me to go to uni? I don't understand why it's a big deal to him. But every time the conversation comes up, I leave feeling sick to my stomach. Any advice is really, greatly appreciated.
Outrageous. youve only just started seeing him. A grown up would want to support you and be delighted you have earned this amazing opportunity.
Ask him why and I bet they are poor reasons, selfish ones.
GO TO OXFORD with or without him. You can always meet another bf there who is capable of wanting the best for you. He might be 3 years older, but he's clearly got a long way to go before he grows up.
I can't believe you're actually asking this. Go to ****ing Oxford.
1. The fact that he wants you to sacrifice going to a world leading uni shows how selfish he is. He's not prioritising your life in anyway, and clearly doesn't think it's important.
2. If you ended up not going to uni you'd end up resenting him every day of your life. So won't end up in a happy relationship with him anyway.
The fact that you've got an Oxford offer shows that you must be intelligent so I'm clueless as to how you cannot see this situation clearly.
1. The fact that he wants you to sacrifice going to a world leading uni shows how selfish he is. He's not prioritising your life in anyway, and clearly doesn't think it's important.
2. If you ended up not going to uni you'd end up resenting him every day of your life. So won't end up in a happy relationship with him anyway.
The fact that you've got an Oxford offer shows that you must be intelligent so I'm clueless as to how you cannot see this situation clearly.
He is selfish but for good reason.
He likely knows he can't offer you what Oxford will, the posh single freshers, the distance, the completely different world he won't really be able to relate to. He probably thinks it will drive you apart. It's not always a question of trust.
Will you still be the person he fell for at Oxford?
He likely knows he can't offer you what Oxford will, the posh single freshers, the distance, the completely different world he won't really be able to relate to. He probably thinks it will drive you apart. It's not always a question of trust.
Will you still be the person he fell for at Oxford?
(edited 8 years ago)
1) Who the hell is he to tell you that you shouldn't go to uni?
2) An Oxford degree stays forever. He won't.
I'd say dump him and go to Oxford.
2) An Oxford degree stays forever. He won't.
I'd say dump him and go to Oxford.
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