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He doesn't want me to go to uni.

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Reply 40
Avatar for GUMI
GUMI
19
I think he just wants sex.
Go to Oxford it's a once in a lifetime opportunity and I assume you're relationship is still young, you really think after 3 or 4 years you will still love him? I'm not doubting you it's just that during your time in Uni I think you will meet some pretty awesome guys too. Why tether yourself to a commoner?
Original post by TSR Mustafa
idk why u are contemplating this.


Surely the fact she is even doing so says a lot about the value she places on the relationship?

Above about the 'love is selfish thing' we're all selfish, we all have needs, i'd question whether someone who could let their spouse go was ever really in love with them to begin with, no man is an island, it hurts to lose a family member you have formed an attachment to.
Original post by GUMI
I think he just wants sex.
Go to Oxford it's a once in a lifetime opportunity and I assume you're relationship is still young, you really think after 3 or 4 years you will still love him? I'm not doubting you it's just that during your time in Uni I think you will meet some pretty awesome guys too. Why tether yourself to a commoner?


Because he couldn't possibly feel genuine affection, being a man and all.

Commoner? Doubting she'll still like him in 4 years? You sound like a nasty piece of work.
Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob
Surely the fact she is even doing so says a lot about the value she places on the relationship?

Above about the 'love is selfish thing' we're all selfish, we all have needs, i'd question whether someone who could let their spouse go was ever really in love with them to begin with, no man is an island, it hurts to lose a family member you have formed an attachment to.


I wouldnt jeopardise a oxford place for a girl i'd just met
Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob
I have to say it's quite annoying for a bunch of strangers on here to tell a guy 'who does he think he is' because he has concerns about his girlfriend, someone I presume he has very strong feelings for and doesn't want leaving him.

Who are you? Would you want to lose someone you loved because a bunch of strangers on the Internet without any understanding of your circumstances told her to dump you?

It's not just about education, institutions like Oxford change you.


dont be a nutter, he is encouraging her to reject oxford for selfish reasons. a loving person encourages the best for their partner, not forcibly asking them to stay clingy.
Reply 45
Avatar for GUMI
GUMI
19
Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob
Because he couldn't possibly feel genuine affection, being a man and all.

Commoner? Doubting she'll still like him in 4 years? You sound like a nasty piece of work.


Attachment not found
[QUOTE=GUMI;64245541]I think he just wants sex.
Go to Oxford it's a once in a lifetime opportunity and I assume you're relationship is still young, you really think after 3 or 4 years you will still love him? I'm not doubting you it's just that during your time in Uni I think you will meet some pretty awesome guys too. Why tether yourself to a commoner?

yeah dont write crap like this either.
Original post by TSR Mustafa
I wouldnt jeopardise a oxford place for a girl i'd just met


Agreed but I wouldn't pretend I was in love with her either, I would go to Oxford because I wanted to, that doesn't mean she doesn't have a right to disagree with me.
Yeah as everyone else has said, go to uni as he doesn't truly care if he isn't letting you experience this amazing opportunity
Reply 49
Avatar for GUMI
GUMI
19
Original post by welcometoib
yeah dont write crap like this either.

what?
Original post by welcometoib
dont be a nutter, he is encouraging her to reject oxford for selfish reasons. a loving person encourages the best for their partner, not forcibly asking them to stay clingy.


Of course he is being selfish. So is she. All relationships are selfish, this is a given whether we like to pretend so or not. Actually if they weren't then it would be ok for my partner to cheat since I want the best for them?

If you find someone better go for it, go sleep with them! Yay for you, look how unconditional my love is.
Original post by MrsSheldonCooper
Since when is choosing an education over a guy who doesn't seem to care about what she wants bad advice?
If he cares for him so much then he'll stay with her. Uni terms are pretty short and their holidays are long.


"dump his ass" is nonsense advice because she clearly stated she loves him and breaking up isnt an issue. would you prefer she broke up, was heartbroken then ended up ****ing up her degree potentially? no

he has controlling issues clearly which is a red flag, but breaking up doesnt seem to be an option so dont encourage it. a long, long talk is needed here.
Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob
When you do come back and check this post. Distance can destroy even the strongest of relationships especially with the craze of university and Oxford especially.

It is selfish yes, and with good reason.


I'm not saying it wouldn't hurt, but I know that if I dissuaded someone from going to Oxford not only would I hate myself for being such a **** person, but I know that the person would end up holding it against me. And that would be completely justifiable.

You must just be a little more selfish than some of us :redface:
Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob
Of course he is being selfish. So is she. All relationships are selfish, this is a given whether we like to pretend so or not. Actually if they weren't then it would be ok for my partner to cheat since I want the best for them?

If you find someone better go for it, go sleep with them! Yay for you, look how unconditional my love is.


i dont think they should necessarily break up, just for op to be aware the red flags of her being potentially controlled is something to be aware of. also stop being so ott, noone is encouraging sleeping around.
Original post by Twinpeaks
I'm not saying it wouldn't hurt, but I know that if I dissuaded someone from going to Oxford not only would I hate myself for being such a **** person, but I know that the person would end up holding it against me. And that would be completely justifiable.

You must just be a little more selfish than some of us :redface:


Honesty? Haven't told anyone this but why not. Someone cheated on me when we went to uni, drunken mistake (apparently). I could have told my flatmates, my friends, everyone, could have bloody ruined her if I wanted to, but I didn't, no, I told her to get lost, broke up with her and I ignored her, but I never told anyone, it would have been way easier to do so. Hell I even looked like the bad guy for dumping little Mrs innocent. Did I tell? No I shut my mouth because I still wanted her to be happy, I didn't want to ruin it for her. Oh well, that's what happens.
Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob

Above about the 'love is selfish thing' we're all selfish, we all have needs, i'd question whether someone who could let their spouse go was ever really in love with them to begin with, no man is an island, it hurts to lose a family member you have formed an attachment to.


Being apart for less than half of the year, for only three years, hardly constitutes 'losing' someone. Plenty of people maintain loving relationships with periods of separation - for instance, are you suggesting that the suppose of a serving military officer clearly doesn't really love then if they 'let' them go on a tour of duty overseas? That seems to me to be a perspective not rooted in reality.
Original post by Persipan
Being apart for less than half of the year, for only three years, hardly constitutes 'losing' someone. Plenty of people maintain loving relationships with periods of separation - for instance, are you suggesting that the suppose of a serving military officer clearly doesn't really love then if they 'let' them go on a tour of duty overseas? That seems to me to be a perspective not rooted in reality.


Look at high percentage of military wife cheats. Are they sluts? No they're lonely women not knowing if their husband will come back.
Original post by DanteTheDoorKnob
Honesty? Haven't told anyone this but why not. Someone cheated on me when we went to uni, drunken mistake (apparently). I could have told my flatmates, my friends, everyone, could have bloody ruined her if I wanted to, but I didn't, no, I told her to get lost, broke up with her and I ignored her, but I never told anyone, it would have been way easier to do so. Hell I even looked like the bad guy for dumping little Mrs innocent. Did I tell? No I shut my mouth because I still wanted her to be happy, I didn't want to ruin it for her. Oh well, that's what happens.


yeah this was what i was thinking based on your responses. sorry to hear that bud
Reply 58
Avatar for Maker
Maker
20
This sounds like the plot from the Archers
Look I have a mate who was with a guy for 2 years and he didn't even want her to apply to uni and she always wanted to go to uni but she wasn't going to because he didn't like the idea of her going. The main reason being that she would meet other people there so she may leave him. When I found out about this I made her apply and she got all 5 offers and she did this behind his back, but when she did tell him he wasn't exactly happy about it but he said he wasn't going to stop her especially if she had offers, a few months after my mate and her boyfriend broke up over a irrelevant matter, but you need to know that she was so grateful and happy that she did apply to university, if she listened to him, right now she would have had no uni place at all as well as no boyfriend.

You need to think about yourself first, it's obvious that you care about this person and do want to be with him but you have to think ahead, do not reject Oxford because of this because who know what will happen in the future. If you and this person do break up in the future then you will really regret that you rejected Oxford because of him and now he isn't even with you any more.
Hope this helps :smile:

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