Paying for a female friend who you're not dating

I really like this girl and we're meeting up this week (we're both on the same page, it's not a date we're just hanging out for now). We're going to the cinema but this will be the first time I've gone with a girl. I want to pay for the tickets, I just think it would be a nice thing to do since I asked her to go but I'm concerned she'll feel uneasy about it. At the same time though I'm worried that if I don't pay she might view that negatively.

What do you think? I'm just trying to be nice :/

Reply 1

username1623349

13

If she views you not paying negatively then she's not the sort of person you want to hang out with anyway. By all means offer to pay, it is a nice gesture. But don't feel obliged to just because you're a man, because it's not necessary.

Reply 2

Hamoody

21

Original post by Anonymous

I really like this girl and we're meeting up this week (we're both on the same page, it's not a date we're just hanging out for now). We're going to the cinema but this will be the first time I've gone with a girl. I want to pay for the tickets, I just think it would be a nice thing to do since I asked her to go but I'm concerned she'll feel uneasy about it. At the same time though I'm worried that if I don't pay she might view that negatively.

What do you think? I'm just trying to be nice :/

FFS have you never heard of chivalry man? Doesn't matter if you are related to her or like her, you still pay. Makes you a gentleman :yep:

Reply 3

Rhythmical

21

It's a nice gesture but if she views you not paying as a negative thing then what kind of friend is she? You don't have to pay, I don't like the whole idea of men paying for women because it portrays women as gold diggers and it is old fashioned. Pay because you want to, not because you have to.

Reply 4

Tsrsarahhhh

19

Hmm idk if I was going out as friends with a guy I'd just pay for myself even if he offered just to be polite. I wouldn't view it negatively though, I'd probably try and do the same if I was going out with a friend regardless of gender. However I do know some girls who don't like it when guys pay for them so idk.

Reply 5

999tigger

19

depends what you mean by negatively georgia. If she declines and wants to pay herself thats her choice, as long as shes polite about it and takes the offer in the manner it was intended.

OP offer, but if she declines accept it. I wouldnt make a big deal of it because it isnt.

Reply 6

username1623349

13

Original post by 999tigger

depends what you mean by negatively georgia. If she declines and wants to pay herself thats her choice, as long as shes polite about it and takes the offer in the manner it was intended.

OP offer, but if she declines accept it. I wouldnt make a big deal of it because it isnt.

OP said that he's worried that if he doesn't offer to pay then she'll view that in a negative light. If she does then she isn't worth the time, especially considering they're only friends.

Reply 7

999tigger

19

Original post by georgiaswift

OP said that he's worried that if he doesn't offer to pay then she'll view that in a negative light. If she does then she isn't worth the time, especially considering they're only friends.

At that stage id be more worried if OP has an actual grip on the situation and its only in his head that the expectation exists. As you say that wouldnt be a friend at all. If bet money its just nerves and the friend will be oblivious to it.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for the replies folks. I don't think she'll view it negatively if I don't, if I was worried about being taken advantage of or anything then I wouldn't have asked her to go in the first place. It's something I would like to do for her, I just don't want her to be annoyed about it

Reply 9

insert-username

14

Dont pay for her unless it's a date or a friend you'v known for a long time. I used to pay for my friends all the time whenever we went out together, not just my female friends but guy friends too. its nice being generous but the problem is they either get used to it and expect you to pay all the time or you start feeling bad if you can't pay like it's somehow your responsibility. It's not.

You don't want your friends to associate hanging out with you with freeloading, because they will, whether you like it or not. It's conditioning. Hanging out as friends should never be about 'treating' someone, because that's very one-sided. At the end of the day she'll get more out of it than you will.

If you insist on paying then split it somehow; for example whenever my brother and I go watch a movie together I'll pay for the tickets and he'll pay for the food or vice versa. As a rule of thumb I only pay for friends that i'v been known for so many years that they're practically considered a sibling.

If you really like her then just make your intentions clear and ask her out as a date. If you've both specifically agreed that its not a date then paying for her might send the wrong idea.

Paying for a female friend who you're not dating

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