Distance due to lack of intimacy

My boyfriend and I havent had sex in months for reasons outside of our control i.e. not being able to spend as much time together, I'm working more, he has been abroad etc

This has caused us to become distant and meant we argue a lot

This is going to sound strange but we both want to be physically close with each other but he says he doesn't want us to be physically close anymore
He's saying that because we're distant
and we're distance because we're not being physically close.

I dont know what to do- our relationship is falling apart

Please someone tell me how to fix this :frown:

Distant*

Just talk to each other and see if you can agree a plan that will work until he joins you again? Accept the fact you are an ldr and adapt.

Dont argue as thats just destructive.
Be honest and if he doesnt want to work with you then you have an issue as he cant be bothered.

Reply 3

chikane

Original post by Anonymous

Both of you don't sound like you are even emotionally close. You both need to spend time together take some leave from work and go away somewhere if that don't work break up.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by 999tigger

I really dont want us to break up.

Arguing has really degraded our relationship so its already hanging by a thread
Neither of us want to break up though

he's has lost his job too so I'm biting my tongue and avoiding any kind of argument
But its taking its toll on me because i feel like I'm getting nothing back

He has said that he misses me and misses being close but he's so stubborn

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by chikane

Both of you don't sound like you are even emotionally close. You both need to spend time together take some leave from work and go away somewhere if that don't work break up.

You're right- I dont think we are
I feel like he's taking a lot of his stress out on me too

We can't go away, although I really want to, as Ive just started a new job and he's just lost his job

I feel so stuck :frown:

Reply 6

999tigger

One of my observations and experience is the mistake people make for LDR is failing to recognise its limitations or unique challenges. You nat be normal becayse its no a normal situation. It becomes easuer when you accept that.

If you dont wnat to break up then talk to him recognise where you are and what you can both do.

If he's lost his job then he will be stressed, so you have to take a back seat imo and just be supportive. I really cant get a better idea of where you are. If you are both on board then you can make it work.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by 999tigger

Thank you so much for your help.. xx

Reply 8

chikane

Original post by Anonymous

So are you both living under the same roof now that he lost his job?
If yes then i do not see why you can't spend time together over the weekend? You don't need to go on holiday, go for a walk, picnic or shopping instead.
He is out of order taking his anger out on you if he doesn't change his behaviour do you really want to live with that type of man for the rest of your life? Also if you had that emotional closeness you would understand one another more.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 9

999tigger

Sorry I cnat be more help. If I knew you and him or the situation then id have a much clearer idea as to what the challenge was and how to sort it. You might want to stay together, but do take into account hes stressed and not himself at the moment, especially until he finds a new job. he might retreat in on himself or he might work with you. No idea what hes like.

Arguments and being needy at this stage arent going to do you any favours.

Ill have a think. I made a mistake and thought he was still abroad i.e a ldr, not the fact you were back together. Your OP is quite confusing tbh.

If he doesnt wnat sex or he doesnt wnat that sort of intimacy then how about cuddling and being tactile. he needs to deal with this losing his job thing and he probably feels a bit emsaculated because of it. He's either going to share or not. If you introduce pressure or stress, then realise it could have consequences in a brittle situation. Dont pish or nag without realising the risk.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by chikane

We dont live together- I'm still living with my parents as Im saving to move out

We did have but we've lost it i guess.. :frown:

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by 999tigger

He just seems to be withdrawing from me more and more
With most people he seems to be fine though..

Thats true- it just doesnt feel fair i guess

You're right xx

Reply 12

999tigger

He will because he's lost his job. Dont pressure him. Presumably he knows how to get a new one.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by 999tigger

He will because he's lost his job. Dont pressure him. Presumably he knows how to get a new one.

Thank you so much- you dont know how much you have helped xx

Reply 14

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you so much- you dont know how much you have helped xx

Im trying to get you to appreciate it from his view. Its a big thing losing your job and he will be in shock, bit depressed, annoyed you are working so much etc. If he was a grown up hed talk to you and youd deal with it as a couple. he'd tell you how he felt, but then how he planned to sort it out. By retreating in on himself he's confused and licking his wounds so to speak. be supportive, Dont nag and let him get on with it. He might get sensitive and be looking for a fight, just avoid and dont nag oe eush him and then he wont have an excuse.

Losing a job can leave you in shock. if he gets the job sorted out then maybe things can get back to normal more. Im assuming you have both graduated.