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Worst lover you have ever had?

Why were they bad? How do you feel about them now? :colone:

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Are you asking if the sex was bad or the person as a whole?
Reply 2
Avatar for Zarek
Zarek
21
Mostly I just find it a complement when a girl I like is up for it, let alone getting too picky. But I would say 'enthusiasm' is the key and I have come across a variety of enthusiasm levels.
Reply 3
Avatar for keturah
keturah
11
No foreplay, very selfish and only cared about his own pleasure.
Reply 4
Avatar for Jebedee
Jebedee
17
An internet bang, I picked her up after she had just been to a gig. Her and her 3 loudmouth friends got in the car and I dropped them off on the way to hers. They were saying uncouth things like "look after her tonight boy or I'll be looking for you.".

She started telling me these really odd stories at her place like when she stabbed her brother in the knee, I was only 17 though so super-horny. I necked half a bottle of vodka to make the experience easier. She just layed there like a dead horse and refused to give head so I shut my eyes and thought of something which would make me bust within 30 seconds so I wouldn't have to put myself through more. She told me it was the best sex she's ever had (which boggles my mind) and got offended when I turned around to go to sleep.

She snored so damn loud I thought the roof would come off so I got dressed quietly and went back to my car, which on arriving I realised I had left my coat but her front door was self-locking so had to let that go. And I drove home wasted and ignored all subsequent texts from her.
It gave me carpal tunnel.
Reply 6
Avatar for Alfed
Alfed
OP
4
Original post by xobeauty
Are you asking if the sex was bad or the person as a whole?


Both.
Reply 7
Avatar for Alfed
Alfed
OP
4
Original post by Jebedee
An internet bang, I picked her up after she had just been to a gig. Her and her 3 loudmouth friends got in the car and I dropped them off on the way to hers. They were saying uncouth things like "look after her tonight boy or I'll be looking for you.".

She started telling me these really odd stories at her place like when she stabbed her brother in the knee, I was only 17 though so super-horny. I necked half a bottle of vodka to make the experience easier. She just layed there like a dead horse and refused to give head so I shut my eyes and thought of something which would make me bust within 30 seconds so I wouldn't have to put myself through more. She told me it was the best sex she's ever had (which boggles my mind) and got offended when I turned around to go to sleep.

She snored so damn loud I thought the roof would come off so I got dressed quietly and went back to my car, which on arriving I realised I had left my coat but her front door was self-locking so had to let that go. And I drove home wasted and ignored all subsequent texts from her.


Okay then. :redface:
Reply 8
Avatar for Alfed
Alfed
OP
4
Original post by keturah
No foreplay, very selfish and only cared about his own pleasure.


I see. :frown:
Reply 9
Avatar for Alfed
Alfed
OP
4
Original post by Zarek
Mostly I just find it a complement when a girl I like is up for it, let alone getting too picky. But I would say 'enthusiasm' is the key and I have come across a variety of enthusiasm levels.


I see, that makes sense. The more someone wants it, the better it is.
They were all lovely, I was the arsewipe but I did have one ex who tried to stab me but I get why she did in hindsight, and to be honest she told me to kill my mother as well so I should've seen that coming

Original post by Jebedee
An internet bang, I picked her up after she had just been to a gig. Her and her 3 loudmouth friends got in the car and I dropped them off on the way to hers. They were saying uncouth things like "look after her tonight boy or I'll be looking for you.".

She started telling me these really odd stories at her place like when she stabbed her brother in the knee, I was only 17 though so super-horny. I necked half a bottle of vodka to make the experience easier. She just layed there like a dead horse and refused to give head so I shut my eyes and thought of something which would make me bust within 30 seconds so I wouldn't have to put myself through more. She told me it was the best sex she's ever had (which boggles my mind) and got offended when I turned around to go to sleep.

She snored so damn loud I thought the roof would come off so I got dressed quietly and went back to my car, which on arriving I realised I had left my coat but her front door was self-locking so had to let that go. And I drove home wasted and ignored all subsequent texts from her.


Jesus Christopher
Original post by Alfed
Both.


You're too late with your reply now I forgot what I was going to say good job
Reply 12
Avatar for Zarek
Zarek
21
[QUOTE=Alfed;64540877]I see, that makes sense. The more someone wants it, the better it is.
Precisely, and it links to frequency and adventurousness too.
Reply 13
Avatar for Alfed
Alfed
OP
4
Original post by xobeauty
You're too late with your reply now I forgot what I was going to say good job


Post when you have remembered.
selfish and womaniser..
Original post by Alfed
Why were they bad? How do you feel about them now? :colone:


Haven't had one! :laugh:
Terrible at foreplay, put thrash metal music on 'to get us into the mood', wasn't confident with her body so moaned about it during, terrible timing and rhythm (Slayer doesn't help), terrible at kissing.
I've told this one on here before, but it still makes me chuckle so here goes:

A few years ago I spotted this beautiful Arabic looking girl across the bar with her friends, so I went over to bust a move. I got up to my old tricks, addressed them all as a group, made them like me and slowly but surely stopped talking to them and focused on her. Got some flirting in, then before long I asked her if she wanted to get out of here and we went to her place as she said her parents were away for the weekend. We taxi'd it back and got busy, and things were going well (sort of well anyway, she didn't participate very much) until, whilst I was balls deep, she started crying :s-smilie:
I obviously stopped and asked what was wrong. She then burst into proper tears and started telling me how she was a Muslim and a virgin and how her dad would disown her if he found out what she was up to, she'd just been really getting antsy about being in her 20s now and has never had sex and was getting sick of being religious, but she now realises she's done a really bad thing and so on.

Needless to say, I completely lost my wood and after she'd come up for air I got my clothes back on and left. I just went home demoralised and finished myself off, which btw was one of the more odd tugs I've ever had - I literally sat on the side of the bath with my material being the smell of her vagina on my left fingers. Allah must HATE me :rofl:
Just combine this...

https://media.giphy.com/media/ysYvIll9qWCNq/giphy.gif

and then also weird moaning and eyes rolling to the back of their head..... yeah was ****ing freaky!
Original post by TercioOfParma
It gave me carpal tunnel.


Huh?

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