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Depressed; I Want To Take My Hijab Off

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I don't personally wear the hijab as in a actual scarf on my head but I believe hijab is so much more that just covering hair (modest in the way you act/ dress/ speak). In Islam hijab is supposed to be a woman's own choice and I hate the fact that in some Muslim communities parts of religion are forced onto people without any say in the matter and they are judged if they don't conform. Religion should be about choice and you should not be judged by others because of the choices you make, especially by other Muslims! I am lucky enough that my parents are Muslim but they have never forced any thing upon me, I have made all my own choices and I feel this has actually strengthened me as a Muslim as every part of my religion has been chosen not forced. Inshallah I pray you come to a decision that you feel comfortable with (whether that is wearing the scarf or not) and that your family are accepting of whatever you choose.:smile:
Original post by Anonymous
Hello!

First of all, I'd like to say this thread is very hard to make for me since I've always portrayed myself as a 'proud' Muslim. I have been feeling depressed for the past, say, 4 years of my life. I'm turning 18 in the summer, and I have never felt so ugly, so depressed, so not my self. Imagine realising that you're not going to be able to do what you want in life... that you're living just to wait for death. That is how I feel. I feel completely trapped.

My parents are conservative, very strict, very scary. My father moreso than my mother. My extended family are like that as well, you do one thing that they don't like and you're put under fire by the whole ****ing country. I have aunts and uncles here as well, and if I were to take it off all Hell would break loose.

I just can't try and find justifications for some of the things in Islam. Like this verse in the Quran:
"Men are (meant to be righteous and kind) guardians of women because God has favored some more than others and because they (i.e. men) spend out of their wealth. (In their turn) righteous women are (meant to be) devoted and to guard what God has (willed to be) guarded even though out of sight (of the husband). As for those (women) on whose part you fear ill-will and nasty conduct, admonish them (first), (next) separate them in beds (and last) beat them. But if they obey you, then seek nothing against them. Behold, God is most high and great." (4:34)
This verse is in the Quran, it is not a hadith so you can say "oh that's just someone talking ****", it is the unadulterated word of God Himself.

I just don't see a reason for covering my hair, I can be modest in my thoughts, I can be modest without a hijab. I love God and I hope he forgives me but I just don't understand why? If He made me the way I am and He loves me, why does He order men to rinse their hands from my touch?
"And if ye are unclean, purify yourselves. And if ye are sick or on a journey, or one of you cometh from the closet, or ye have had contact with women, and ye find not water, then go to clean, high ground and rub your faces and your hands with some of it" (5:6) Am I created dirty?

I just don't see how this could be 'misinterpreted'. And it's not even just Islam itself, it is the Muslim community. The backwards thinking, the hypocrisy, the oppression hidden behind smiles and empty arguments to trick yourself into believing it's the right thing to do. I don't want to lie to myself, and to God and to my family and say I want to represent this and I believe in this and it makes me happy. It doesn't. I am depressed. I feel like ****. I feel like I am losing purpose. I feel like my dreams are too far to reach.

And I can't ignore it any more. It's been 4 years of constant **** and right now I am itching in my own skin. I am suffering so much and I know it might never end. Because I would be ridiculed and looked down upon and disowned by my own community/ family, nobody would want to marry me, I'm going to be pointed at my mothers who tell their children not to be like me. People are going to scowl in disgust when they hear my name. And I am a person who craves validation. If someone doesn't like me, I go out of my way to make them like me, so that would absolutely destroy me.

Funny how a cloth on your head can do that to ya huh? But I don't know how to live my life the way I want and not to hurt or be hurt by those I love and those I call "family". I just need help. I don't need someone telling me I will go to Hell. God is merciful and will forgive my sins. You are not God.

Any words of reassurance? Advice? Anything?


I've noticed you said your 21 in another thread then 18 in another. I'm reporting you for making false threads.
Original post by loveleest
I thought wearing a hijab was a choice?


It seems to be very complicated. Apparently its compulsory in the religion and but Muslim women always choose to wear it... only god knows.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
I'm sorry you have to go through this. Are you going to go to university? Perhaps then you can separate from your family and live your life.

Also, there is a paradox in your problem. You want everyone to accept and like you, but you are also depressed because the person you show the world is not really you, is it? You either have to learn to stand up for yourself and take the consequences that it might mean your relatives won't accept you anymore BUT then you can be who you are, you can be independent. Or you can live the rest of your life in depression, but by accepted by your community.... which one would you like to choose?

I'm sure there are many muslim girls who don't wear it, you can make new friends and I don't see why no one would marry you? There are many muslim women who dress "normally" and still have a husband, children...


You're definitely the same person. Bad idea.:s-smilie:
Original post by loveleest
I thought wearing a hijab was a choice? I was clearly wrong.
In some ways a hijab can be very oppressive.


The hijab itself is not oppressive it can be liberating. It's just the people who make it oppressive. In islam it should be the woman's own choice not the choice of her family.
Original post by Anonymous
Hello!

First of all, I'd like to say this thread is very hard to make for me since I've always portrayed myself as a 'proud' Muslim. I have been feeling depressed for the past, say, 4 years of my life. I'm turning 18 in the summer, and I have never felt so ugly, so depressed, so not my self. Imagine realising that you're not going to be able to do what you want in life... that you're living just to wait for death. That is how I feel. I feel completely trapped.

My parents are conservative, very strict, very scary. My father moreso than my mother. My extended family are like that as well, you do one thing that they don't like and you're put under fire by the whole ****ing country. I have aunts and uncles here as well, and if I were to take it off all Hell would break loose.

I just can't try and find justifications for some of the things in Islam. Like this verse in the Quran:
"Men are (meant to be righteous and kind) guardians of women because God has favored some more than others and because they (i.e. men) spend out of their wealth. (In their turn) righteous women are (meant to be) devoted and to guard what God has (willed to be) guarded even though out of sight (of the husband). As for those (women) on whose part you fear ill-will and nasty conduct, admonish them (first), (next) separate them in beds (and last) beat them. But if they obey you, then seek nothing against them. Behold, God is most high and great." (4:34)
This verse is in the Quran, it is not a hadith so you can say "oh that's just someone talking ****", it is the unadulterated word of God Himself.

I just don't see a reason for covering my hair, I can be modest in my thoughts, I can be modest without a hijab. I love God and I hope he forgives me but I just don't understand why? If He made me the way I am and He loves me, why does He order men to rinse their hands from my touch?
"And if ye are unclean, purify yourselves. And if ye are sick or on a journey, or one of you cometh from the closet, or ye have had contact with women, and ye find not water, then go to clean, high ground and rub your faces and your hands with some of it" (5:6) Am I created dirty?

I just don't see how this could be 'misinterpreted'. And it's not even just Islam itself, it is the Muslim community. The backwards thinking, the hypocrisy, the oppression hidden behind smiles and empty arguments to trick yourself into believing it's the right thing to do. I don't want to lie to myself, and to God and to my family and say I want to represent this and I believe in this and it makes me happy. It doesn't. I am depressed. I feel like ****. I feel like I am losing purpose. I feel like my dreams are too far to reach.

And I can't ignore it any more. It's been 4 years of constant **** and right now I am itching in my own skin. I am suffering so much and I know it might never end. Because I would be ridiculed and looked down upon and disowned by my own community/ family, nobody would want to marry me, I'm going to be pointed at my mothers who tell their children not to be like me. People are going to scowl in disgust when they hear my name. And I am a person who craves validation. If someone doesn't like me, I go out of my way to make them like me, so that would absolutely destroy me.

Funny how a cloth on your head can do that to ya huh? But I don't know how to live my life the way I want and not to hurt or be hurt by those I love and those I call "family". I just need help. I don't need someone telling me I will go to Hell. God is merciful and will forgive my sins. You are not God.

Any words of reassurance? Advice? Anything?


Or you could just detach the notion of God from all your actions?
then you can do whatever you want.
It isn't just the cloth on your head that's making you feel that way, it is the weight of living within a fundamentalist community. You love and need them, you have been raised with certain beliefs that you are not allowed to question openly, and a radically different life outside of this is beckoning. It is about embracing freedom - of thought, of self, of life path - and you also see how much can be lost.

I empathize because the fundamental fact of my father's life was his exit from a fundamentalist Christian sect. He reached the point where he thought what they wanted him to believe was impossible for him to accept. Once he exited, he paid for it for the rest of his life. His mother, on her dying bed, once again laid a guilt trip on him about it. His sister, who embodied the worst kind of Christian hypocrisy - a racist espousing brotherly love and arrogantly convinced of her moral superiority - continued to berate my father for the rest of his life. ("My mother wept buckets of tears for him".)

In spite of the pain, by embracing the freedom to live his life the way he felt he had to, my father build a career, devoted himself to his family with great energy, and found joy in an unusual intellectual life. He never looked back, never regretted a thing. He died as courageously as he lived.

But that was his path. You have to find your own. Perhaps if you go to university, you will be able to experiment on your own. You have to balance what you feel you need to do with how to deal with your extended family. If you can, I would suggest making a clean break. The world is a very big place and there is more opportunity for growth and discovery than you can imagine now. Good luck.
Original post by chemting
It seems to be very complicated. Apparently its compulsory in the religion and but Muslim women always choose to wear it... only god knows.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Two of my muslim friends once said it was completely up to them if they want to wear to a hijab or not. I know some muslim girls that have to wear it though.
Original post by Tsrsarahhhh
The hijab itself is not oppressive it can be liberating. It's just the people who make it oppressive. In islam it should be the woman's own choice not the choice of her family.


sigh, well in some parts of the world it is very oppressive, well to me anyway.
In what ways is it liberating?
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by loveleest
Two of my muslim friends once said it was completely up to them if they want to wear to a hijab or not. I know some muslim girls that have to wear it though.


Yeah. Many women choose it I'm sure... but many are also forced to. I think the woman making the choice herself without a religion (and by extension the society) dictating what is better for her is itself liberating. Imo, the only person this needs to be justified to is herself: not to friends, family or the wider society.

( And yes, this also applies for "Western things" )

Anyway that's just my opinion

Posted from TSR Mobile
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by loveleest
sigh, well in some parts of the world it is very oppressive, well to me anyway.
In what ways is it liberating?


Some women use it to escape form the confines of home and enter education/ employment, therefore making it a symbol of liberation which allows them to enter the society without loosing thei culture/history. A way of protecting themselves against an increasingly pervasive western culture. It allows people to judge you on your personality and intellect rather than looks and body etc etc. It means different things for different women.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Hello!

First of all, I'd like to say this thread is very hard to make for me since I've always portrayed myself as a 'proud' Muslim. I have been feeling depressed for the past, say, 4 years of my life. I'm turning 18 in the summer, and I have never felt so ugly, so depressed, so not my self. Imagine realising that you're not going to be able to do what you want in life... that you're living just to wait for death. That is how I feel. I feel completely trapped.

My parents are conservative, very strict, very scary. My father moreso than my mother. My extended family are like that as well, you do one thing that they don't like and you're put under fire by the whole ****ing country. I have aunts and uncles here as well, and if I were to take it off all Hell would break loose.

I just can't try and find justifications for some of the things in Islam. Like this verse in the Quran:
"Men are (meant to be righteous and kind) guardians of women because God has favored some more than others and because they (i.e. men) spend out of their wealth. (In their turn) righteous women are (meant to be) devoted and to guard what God has (willed to be) guarded even though out of sight (of the husband). As for those (women) on whose part you fear ill-will and nasty conduct, admonish them (first), (next) separate them in beds (and last) beat them. But if they obey you, then seek nothing against them. Behold, God is most high and great." (4:34)
This verse is in the Quran, it is not a hadith so you can say "oh that's just someone talking ****", it is the unadulterated word of God Himself.

I just don't see a reason for covering my hair, I can be modest in my thoughts, I can be modest without a hijab. I love God and I hope he forgives me but I just don't understand why? If He made me the way I am and He loves me, why does He order men to rinse their hands from my touch?
"And if ye are unclean, purify yourselves. And if ye are sick or on a journey, or one of you cometh from the closet, or ye have had contact with women, and ye find not water, then go to clean, high ground and rub your faces and your hands with some of it" (5:6) Am I created dirty?

I just don't see how this could be 'misinterpreted'. And it's not even just Islam itself, it is the Muslim community. The backwards thinking, the hypocrisy, the oppression hidden behind smiles and empty arguments to trick yourself into believing it's the right thing to do. I don't want to lie to myself, and to God and to my family and say I want to represent this and I believe in this and it makes me happy. It doesn't. I am depressed. I feel like ****. I feel like I am losing purpose. I feel like my dreams are too far to reach.

And I can't ignore it any more. It's been 4 years of constant **** and right now I am itching in my own skin. I am suffering so much and I know it might never end. Because I would be ridiculed and looked down upon and disowned by my own community/ family, nobody would want to marry me, I'm going to be pointed at my mothers who tell their children not to be like me. People are going to scowl in disgust when they hear my name. And I am a person who craves validation. If someone doesn't like me, I go out of my way to make them like me, so that would absolutely destroy me.

Funny how a cloth on your head can do that to ya huh? But I don't know how to live my life the way I want and not to hurt or be hurt by those I love and those I call "family". I just need help. I don't need someone telling me I will go to Hell. God is merciful and will forgive my sins. You are not God.

Any words of reassurance? Advice? Anything?


The first verse. What do you disagree with?

The second verse . . . Are you joking? You think that that means that God actually created you dirty? It's a metaphor for sexual intercourse = If you have had sex, you need to have a bath (and this applies for both genders).

The hijab issue . . . God gave you freewill so everyone can do what they wanna do. Noone (including your family) can physically force you to wear a headscarf. If you don't wanna wear it, that's your choice But the fact is that hijab is, indeed, compulsory.

And no, the hijab is NOT just a cloth on the head, contrary to popular belief. The hijab is the full covering head to ankles (niqab is optional according to some scholars). But again, you don't have to wear it if you don't mind getting the sin for it as God gave you freewill. Who knows? God may forgive you for it on the Day of Judgement (remember He forgave the prostitute JUST because she gave water to a dog once) but why leave it to pure chance? Islam is about having your good deeds outweigh your bad ones and not wearing hijab may be the one bad deed that'll send you to hell.
Hi I agree with the person who told you to watch mufti menks lectures etc (very helpful, coming from a hijabi here). I just want to clear a few things up.

Original post by Anonymous


I just can't try and find justifications for some of the things in Islam. Like this verse in the Quran:
"Men are (meant to be righteous and kind) guardians of women because God has favored some more than others and because they (i.e. men) spend out of their wealth. (In their turn) righteous women are (meant to be) devoted and to guard what God has (willed to be) guarded even though out of sight (of the husband). As for those (women) on whose part you fear ill-will and nasty conduct, admonish them (first), (next) separate them in beds (and last) beat them. But if they obey you, then seek nothing against them. Behold, God is most high and great." (4:34)


This whole verse is to do with marriage. The bit about men being "favoured" may be referring to the fact they're obviously stronger than women etc. This can be tied in with the fact that they "spend out of their wealth" i.e. they have to provide and look after their family. Women do not have to do this, even if they work they have the right to keep everything they earn whereas a man HAS to provide. The bit about women "guarding out of sight" is not about hijab it's about her husband's respect in the community etc even when he is not there, so this would include not telling people personal business when you've had a fight etc. The last part is if you don't get along and the woman is at fault for being difficult you advise her, sleep separately and then "beat". Now here, the Arabic word used in the Quran for beat has been used to also mean separate for example in the case of Musa A.S. splitting the sea. Even in the literal sense the woman has no religious obligation to take the beating, she can file for divorce etc. But then Allah knows best, I am not a scholar.
Original post by Anonymous

If He made me the way I am and He loves me, why does He order men to rinse their hands from my touch?
"And if ye are unclean, purify yourselves. And if ye are sick or on a journey, or one of you cometh from the closet, or ye have had contact with women, and ye find not water, then go to clean, high ground and rub your faces and your hands with some of it" (5:6) Am I created dirty?

You are not dirty, this refers to sexual relations after which you have to take ghusl.
Original post by Anonymous

"the Muslim community"


Do not confuse your cultural community with the muslim community just because they are muslims. A muslim community should not be judgmental etc, if they are then they are doing something wrong.
Original post by cathartic
because you have free will and therefore allah will test you in this world through trials and tribulations to see if this strengthens or weakens your faith


Surely if he's all knowing then by definition, he'd know what you were going to do anyway? I'm sure there's at least one story in a holy book of someone's actions being prevented before they get to do it.

So if he is real (and all knowing) then is there really any free will in the first place? Wouldn't everything be predetermined?
Original post by champ_mc99
You've ot it the wrong way round. God is testing us so we see the results. God isn't doing the test for his benefit.


...were you high or did you really think that made sense on a logical level?
Reply 75
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Josb
6
Original post by Tsrsarahhhh
Some women use it to escape form the confines of home and enter education/ employment,


It's impossible to do that without a veil?
Reply 76
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Josb
6
Original post by Charlotte2001
I've noticed you said your 21 in another thread then 18 in another. I'm reporting you for making false threads.


What the hell are you saying?
sounds like a troll trying to stir anti-islamic feelings without seeming islamophobic tbh
but if not, i'm sorry you feel that way and you should speak to your parents about it
Original post by Josb
It's impossible to do that without a veil?


What I don't get is instead of fighting for women's right to have education/job, why is it "more liberating" for making women have education through a veil - instead of solving the problem, you're just perpetuating it... and its not easier to enter education - its obvious that its a woman: what man will want to hide his way into getting an education/job via the use of veil...

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Original post by Josb
It's impossible to do that without a veil?


Women are now allowed to work/enter education as a woman's role is no longer just to stay in the home however by wearing hijab they are not completely leaving behind their religion/culture for the life of work/education. Thus making the hijab liberating, Muslim women can do anything Muslim men/ women in the west can do but they can also still maintain the teachings of Islam (hijab).

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