Depressed; I Want To Take My Hijab Off

Women are now allowed to work/enter education as a woman's role is no longer just to stay in the home however by wearing hijab they are not completely leaving behind their religion/culture for the life of work/education. Thus making the hijab liberating, Muslim women can do anything Muslim men/ women in the west can do but they can also still maintain the teachings of Islam (hijab).

What I don't get is instead of fighting for women's right to have education/job, why is it "more liberating" for making women have education through a veil - instead of solving the problem, you're just perpetuating it... and its not easier to enter education - its obvious that its a woman: what man will want to hide his way into getting an education/job via the use of veil...

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Hello!

First of all, I'd like to say this thread is very hard to make for me since I've always portrayed myself as a 'proud' Muslim. I have been feeling depressed for the past, say, 4 years of my life. I'm turning 18 in the summer, and I have never felt so ugly, so depressed, so not my self. Imagine realising that you're not going to be able to do what you want in life... that you're living just to wait for death. That is how I feel. I feel completely trapped.

My parents are conservative, very strict, very scary. My father moreso than my mother. My extended family are like that as well, you do one thing that they don't like and you're put under fire by the whole ****ing country. I have aunts and uncles here as well, and if I were to take it off all Hell would break loose.

I just can't try and find justifications for some of the things in Islam. Like this verse in the Quran:
"Men are (meant to be righteous and kind) guardians of women because God has favored some more than others and because they (i.e. men) spend out of their wealth. (In their turn) righteous women are (meant to be) devoted and to guard what God has (willed to be) guarded even though out of sight (of the husband). As for those (women) on whose part you fear ill-will and nasty conduct, admonish them (first), (next) separate them in beds (and last) beat them. But if they obey you, then seek nothing against them. Behold, God is most high and great." (4:34)
This verse is in the Quran, it is not a hadith so you can say "oh that's just someone talking ****", it is the unadulterated word of God Himself.

I just don't see a reason for covering my hair, I can be modest in my thoughts, I can be modest without a hijab. I love God and I hope he forgives me but I just don't understand why? If He made me the way I am and He loves me, why does He order men to rinse their hands from my touch?
"And if ye are unclean, purify yourselves. And if ye are sick or on a journey, or one of you cometh from the closet, or ye have had contact with women, and ye find not water, then go to clean, high ground and rub your faces and your hands with some of it" (5:6) Am I created dirty?

I just don't see how this could be 'misinterpreted'. And it's not even just Islam itself, it is the Muslim community. The backwards thinking, the hypocrisy, the oppression hidden behind smiles and empty arguments to trick yourself into believing it's the right thing to do. I don't want to lie to myself, and to God and to my family and say I want to represent this and I believe in this and it makes me happy. It doesn't. I am depressed. I feel like ****. I feel like I am losing purpose. I feel like my dreams are too far to reach.

And I can't ignore it any more. It's been 4 years of constant **** and right now I am itching in my own skin. I am suffering so much and I know it might never end. Because I would be ridiculed and looked down upon and disowned by my own community/ family, nobody would want to marry me, I'm going to be pointed at my mothers who tell their children not to be like me. People are going to scowl in disgust when they hear my name. And I am a person who craves validation. If someone doesn't like me, I go out of my way to make them like me, so that would absolutely destroy me.

Funny how a cloth on your head can do that to ya huh? But I don't know how to live my life the way I want and not to hurt or be hurt by those I love and those I call "family". I just need help. I don't need someone telling me I will go to Hell. God is merciful and will forgive my sins. You are not God.

Any words of reassurance? Advice? Anything?

So its impossible to be a Muslim and a non-hijabi...?

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Women are now allowed to work/enter education as a woman's role is no longer just to stay in the home however by wearing hijab they are not completely leaving behind their religion/culture for the life of work/education. Thus making the hijab liberating, Muslim women can do anything Muslim men/ women in the west can do but they can also still maintain the teachings of Islam (hijab).

That was just one way in which 'some' Muslim women may find the hijab liberating, mainly women from conservative/traditional backgrounds/countries. Obviously this problem needs to be solved as it has been in the west but in msny countries it is still not happening therefore women can use their hijab as a way into the world of work/education

(I hope im making sense)

You've ot it the wrong way round. God is testing us so we see the results. God isn't doing the test for his benefit.

That was just one way in which 'some' Muslim women may find the hijab liberating, mainly women from conservative/traditional backgrounds/countries. Obviously this problem needs to be solved as it has been in the west but in msny countries it is still not happening therefore women can use their hijab as a way into the world of work/education. (I hope im making sense)

If the hijab is compulsory, then it cannot be liberating.

Most modern translations of the Qu'ran do not say that wearing a veil is compulsory.

You don't have to wear a veil to be Muslim.


If the hijab is compulsory, then it cannot be liberating.

...why would an all-knowing god need to test somebody...? the whole point of "testing" is to learn, so oes that imply that an all-knowing god has more to learn about? isn't that contradictive? ("yes" )

Knowing what will happen does not mean that God is preventing or causing that thing to happen.
God knowing what we are going to do does not mean that we can't do something else. It means that God simply knows what we have chosen to do ahead of time.
Our freedom is not restricted by God's foreknowledge. Our freedom is simply realised ahead of time by God.

The hijab isn't compulsory in Islam and there is no verse from the Qur'an that says so. My advice would be, given the attitude of your family, to wait until you're financially independent before doing it, otherwise they might kick you out and leave you homeless like has happened to many ex-Muslims and Muslims who refuse to comply to the so-called commandments of Allah. Once you have your own money and your own house they can't threaten you with leaving you on the street.

Knowing what will happen does not mean that God is preventing or causing that thing to happen.
God knowing what we are going to do does not mean that we can't do something else. It means that God simply knows what we have chosen to do ahead of time.
Our freedom is not restricted by God's foreknowledge. Our freedom is simply realised ahead of time by God.

There is no compulsion in islam sister. But If I was you I will make sure entirely the reasons for taking it off and be true to yourself on why you want that. Also, I would also advice you to watch some videos of people like Mufti Ismael Menk, Ali Dawah Naseeha sessions etc.

After you fully understand and you would still choose to take it off then honestly no one can really stop you. It is not as if you will be no longer a muslim but just that you will choose not follow one of the obligatory rules. So Allah will judge you on that and no one has the right to judge you but Allah alone. Also Allah is all merciful. Who knows in the future you may want to return and wear the hijab again when you experience the world or mature more In shaa Allah.

Be careful of commiting major sins that may take you away from Allah/God with time as this is the plan of the shaitaan.

May Allah guide and keep you on the straight path and grant you all happiness and well being sister.

At which point did I state the hijab is compulsory, I just talked about Muslim women and the majority of Muslim women wear the hijab.

You just stared before that the hijab is not compulsory. Also I disagree I do not know if the 'hijab' (as you refer to the scarf worn on a woman's head) is compulsory or not.

But many women who wear the hijab find it liberating, are you suggesting that just because the scarf may be 'compulsory' the way in which millions of women feel about the hijab is a lie?

I apologise if I wrongly deciphered your grammar.


Many Muslims try to conciliate their oppressive beliefs with the society they live in. Rather than leaping into the void and abandoning the hijab, they prefer to say that it is in fact "liberating" in order to find a modern meaning to the veil. I suppose that not everybody has the strength to question their upbringing, confront their family, and be ostracised from their community.