HELP! in LOVE with my BESTFRIEND'S girlfriend!

I know this sounds really bad and I know I will receive some hate for this but I had to tell someone.
So two of my bestfriends have been dating for two years and ever since I started school I've had feelings for the girl but because my bestfriend loved her too, I let it go and let him have her. I still love the girl and hate to see her be mistreated by the boy who seems like he doesn't give a sh*t about her and all he thinks of is sex.
However, the girl won't leave him no matter what because she lost her virginity to him and thinks no-one will accept her for the person she is apart from him. (I'll accept her in any shape and form without a doubt). I can't stop thinking about her and whenever I put my head on that pillow I just stare at the ceiling and think is she cold?, is she safe?, does she need anything?

I really need some advice because it's getting too much just before my exams and stops me from focusing on work. I hate myself for this but she doesn't stay away from me and flirts a lot (touching my thighs & chest and doing touchy jokes) I'm really lost, please help me...

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Reply 1

MrsSheldonCooper

Don't go there. Like seriously.

Reply 2

FredOrJohn

I don't think its healthy to have a "best friend" - just have a circle of friends,

Reply 3

999tigger

How about just focus on your exams for now? You arent going to change anything before the exams and it will only distract for good or bad.

After the exam then decide what you wnat and look at your options. If you make a play then it could backfire, you will lose your best friend and she may not wnat you anyway.

Imo do your exams, dont interfere, let them fall apart and if you wnat to pick up after they have split then do so.
Stay away from her and dont flirt. Whatever happens if you get involved it will be messy, which is the last thing you need for the exams. You could ofc find another girl and leave them to it.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by MrsSheldonCooper

Don't go there. Like seriously.

It really hurts to see her unhappy, I don't want to lose a friend but I can't stop myself from seeing her either. I think I might just leave school.

Reply 5

MrsSheldonCooper

Original post by Anonymous

It really hurts to see her unhappy, I don't want to lose a friend but I can't stop myself from seeing her either. I think I might just leave school.

Have you considered maybe talking to her and ask why she's with him?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by MrsSheldonCooper

Have you considered maybe talking to her and ask why she's with him?

Yes, whenever she has a problem or feels bad she comes to me, talks about all her problems because she know I'll listen forever and try sorting things out. She has told me that because her virginity was taken by him, she feels like she has given everything to him and can't leave him. I've felt the need to punch my bestfriend so many times but I couldn't do it, I guess I'm useless.

Reply 7

thefatone

Original post by Anonymous

Sure about that?

Reply 8

TheCe

Original post by thefatone

Sure about that?

That's love for you mate

Reply 9

thefatone

Original post by TheCe

That's love for you mate

That's called a true friend

also if someone became a potato i'd fry them in oil and eat them as chips, that'd be tasty :smile:

Reply 10

GUMI

All's fair in love and war :wink:

Reply 11

Retired_Messiah

Original post by Anonymous

I think I might just leave school.

You like a girl, chances are if she's still not single in months you'll have moved on and forgotten about it, leaving school over it is ridiculous.

Reply 12

brainhuman

Sounds like a Hollywood movie. Or TV show.

Reply 13

eoeroreoi

What does he even do, for you to want to punch him? Is he cheating on her or something?

Reply 14

username47781

Original post by Anonymous

If it was that bad then I am sure she would have ended it, there is nothing you can do other than be her friend. Obviously if she did break up with him then maybe you could make your move, but there is no suggestion she will end it.

Threesome

Original post by GUMI

All's fair in love and war :wink:

Except it's really really not.

For war we have the Geneva Conventions, and for love we have basic decency. **** on either of those at your own peril.

OP: do you love her because of who she is, or because she comes across as someone in distress and you feel the need to "save" her? Think carefully before answering.
Many people, myself in the past included, think that they can help with any given situation... but you can't save everyone. Hard lesson to learn, but believe me when I say that it's more of a burden than you'd initially think.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by Drunk Punx

I've been in love with her for like more than 2 years, she is the only girl I actually ever think about. Isn't that what love is? Its not about saving her, its about being with her, caring for her and so on.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Original post by thefatone

Sure about that?

100%, No doubts. I don't care if she's had sex with him, I'll accept her but she thinks no one will... Apparently thats the most valuable thing for a girl.

Reply 19

Drunk Punx

Original post by Anonymous

Not solely, no. In fact, I'd be more inclined to call it obsessive infatuation (you can shoot me for that if you'd like but as far as honesty goes, I'm not bad at it).

Love is deeper than thinking about them. I can't even explain to you what "love" is because it's so subjective. So to me, from the limited information you've given me, I would stand by my obsessive infatuation comment... but you might perceive it as love. And someone else might perceive it as something else. So on and so forth.

That being said, why do you feel the need to care for her? Because that kind of backs up my "saving her" hypothesis.

Understand that I'm not trying to **** all over or undermine your feelings and motivations. Human behaviour fascinates me, so I find it really interesting when I enter a situation where my perception of the situation and the motivations behind it might differ from someone else's.