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Lonely after university... has anyone else experienced this?

Hi,

Recently I've started to feel very lonely in my spare time - as if nobody else is in the same position as me - but surely that can't be true?

I graduated from university last July, and have been working in London for the last seven months or so in a good company, but as it's not an official grad scheme, everyone else in my office is at least ten years older than me. The job sounds good, and I know I am lucky career-wise, I just feel like I have a lot missing from my life socially. I live with my parents and commute into work, meaning that the little socialising I do is hard because I have to leave early to get the train back to my small town.

I had lots of friends and a girlfriend at university - but we've since split up because of the distance - and my mates are all off travelling or living hours away.

I spend my weekends inside... watching television and messaging old friends online, but it feels like weeks since I had a decent face to face interaction with someone my age (21).

Does anyone else relate to this? I've just taken it as a massive shock going from being busy 24/7 at university to pretty much staying inside alone in my free time.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated...!

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I graduated 2 years ago and its been the worst 2 years of my life. I live alone and i'm so lonely, I recently went 5 months without even speaking to another person outside of work. It's driven me to insanity and I just can't cope anymore.

My only friend lives 200 miles away and other than visiting her (which isn't often) my social life is non existent. I don't even have other people to message as all of my uni ''friends'' went travelling or just forgot I existed.

Watching everyone else having fun and loving life whilst i'm stuck doing nothing just makes me feel like utter ****, and the one friend I do have is fed up of me moaning about it.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,

Recently I've started to feel very lonely in my spare time - as if nobody else is in the same position as me - but surely that can't be true?

I graduated from university last July, and have been working in London for the last seven months or so in a good company, but as it's not an official grad scheme, everyone else in my office is at least ten years older than me. The job sounds good, and I know I am lucky career-wise, I just feel like I have a lot missing from my life socially. I live with my parents and commute into work, meaning that the little socialising I do is hard because I have to leave early to get the train back to my small town.

I had lots of friends and a girlfriend at university - but we've since split up because of the distance - and my mates are all off travelling or living hours away.

I spend my weekends inside... watching television and messaging old friends online, but it feels like weeks since I had a decent face to face interaction with someone my age (21).

Does anyone else relate to this? I've just taken it as a massive shock going from being busy 24/7 at university to pretty much staying inside alone in my free time.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated...!


You definitley aren't the only one. I finished my Masters in September and still haven't managed to get a job, so some days I only have my parents to talk to in real life. I get to see home friends occasionally- maybe once every couple of months, but for the most part they are busy with work and relationships, and I was never close enough to most of my uni friends to go visit them, just to go and have a coffee with them kinda thing, but now most have gone back to their home towns so I don't get to see them now- I live in London and only have one friend whose come to work here.
Reply 3
I graduate in 3 months and I fear I'll end up like this.

Right now I don't have many friends as it is. My acquaintances will probably forget my existence too... But even with my closest friends, seeing them once every few months won't be the same as seeing them in uni every day. It just doesn't have that same impact, working together on coursework, chatting every day about uni stuff and just hanging out together.
Original post by UWS
I graduate in 3 months and I fear I'll end up like this.

Right now I don't have many friends as it is. My acquaintances will probably forget my existence too... But even with my closest friends, seeing them once every few months won't be the same as seeing them in uni every day. It just doesn't have that same impact, working together on coursework, chatting every day about uni stuff and just hanging out together.


I still speak to my best friend from uni everyday, if you're close enough you'll make it work.
you have to set out a handful of friends you can talk to - from primary school, secondary, sixth /college, uni and work - say you had 4 strong friends from each of those it's at least 20 people.

Say you went out in your home town and you had those 1 or 2 or 3 strong friendships and then you can socialise with countless amounts of people and you can relay your uni time and your work and career progression and keep them at arms length and not seem too desperate to be with people and be strong, focused, driven and independent then people will want what you want which is to let off steam when they can usually for a birthday or celebrating something, to have a party just to have a party can sometimes be shallow but being forthright in making things happen goes a long way, if you invite 20 people to a party then that could be 20 parties you get invited to in return.

It is sad that technology has isolated us as much as it has brought us together but keeping it short and sweet and showing the world you have a few friends that mean the world to you and you comment simple things on their insta or twitter to stay in touch, 'wow, that looks yummy!' or 'you look amaze in the dress' just to let them know you are still about and if you sit around waiting for the world to come to you then you'll die still waiting.

Your main focus is your energy into your career and from that you will have the money for clothes, some travelling and for partying and keeping some interests like health and good eating and art and music and you can have a good conversation about your career focus that makes you intellectual and like your education amounted to something.

In one way you have to be selfish and think about yourself and reaching your goals and making money for yourself but then with this you can share the wealth and care for your friends and family, see the world together, experience new things and grow together as the hands of time move on.
you might find you get to 26/27/28 and you have a stag/hen do and who do you invite? a couple of primary school friends who know you when you were so young and in a way those friends are key to knowing you the longest but that doesn't necessarily mean they are who you should open your heart to for direction in life.

again for secondary school friends who might know these primary school friends or know of them which is good.

you can invite some friends from a hobby like playing rugby or friends from uni who studied politics like you did but this is a time you bring all these people together to celebrate you, your life so far and something amazing happening in the near future and your friends can get an idea of who you are from different times in your life.

just because you invite someone doesnt automatically mean they should invite you and vice versa if someone invites you to something then great but be a good sport and move on with keeping those you want to be there in your life.

There are so many people out there in the world that you think you could be a completely different person if for the people you socialise with but that could be for worse so make the best with what you have for you have something and people who know you from the compulsory education conveyor belt which is a great thing to anchor to for they know you for that time just as you know them for that time.

---

Sometimes you have to do your own thing and it is amazing how lonely life can be even when you are on a packed train every morning and and at work when all you can do is make small talk when really you want to get things off your chest and solve problems and need advice.

sometimes a busy career can make you feel like an 'accidental machine' where you are merely a cog in the system but keep those who are important close to you like if you lived away from your parents then calling them to keep up with their lives is as important to you as it is to them leeping in mind making a date to see them and building an idea of all the things you can update them on there and things you can do together like meals and walks and museums and this is perfect for a partner to join in and become a part of the family.
I get lonely too...
I've turned to gaming in my free time, I have many friends over the internet from around the world, keeps me occupied.
Reply 8
This thread makes me depressed.

Posted from TSR Mobile
I feel exactly the same as this and have recently started a similar thread. I am outgoing and sociable with many different interests yet still find that I have virtually no social life.

How do people meet new friends when they are out of the settings of school and university? That's a question I'm trying to answer and have been trying to answer for a couple of years now. I'd be happy to talk to anyone in the same boat.
I graduated 2 years ago and I don't see friends often, but I find working full time, studying part time and seeing my boyfriend is MORE than enough social interaction for me. I think if you have a partner it's less noticeable. There was a 6m period where I was single and wasn't studying either and I was really lonely.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,

Recently I've started to feel very lonely in my spare time - as if nobody else is in the same position as me - but surely that can't be true?

I graduated from university last July, and have been working in London for the last seven months or so in a good company, but as it's not an official grad scheme, everyone else in my office is at least ten years older than me. The job sounds good, and I know I am lucky career-wise, I just feel like I have a lot missing from my life socially. I live with my parents and commute into work, meaning that the little socialising I do is hard because I have to leave early to get the train back to my small town.

I had lots of friends and a girlfriend at university - but we've since split up because of the distance - and my mates are all off travelling or living hours away.

I spend my weekends inside... watching television and messaging old friends online, but it feels like weeks since I had a decent face to face interaction with someone my age (21).

Does anyone else relate to this? I've just taken it as a massive shock going from being busy 24/7 at university to pretty much staying inside alone in my free time.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated...!




Im promoting Citysocializer to everybody because the person who invented it did so because she heard of so many people who were loney or moved to London and found it hard to make friends . But its for anyone who wants to meet up with new people, make new friends, go to social events together and its for anyone in any area and for anyone whether you were born here or not. Anyone outside of London can join too if they join and just say what area they live or if they want to meet people in their own area. I havent met up with anyone who invited me to come along to their social events yet because i dont have the money to go out yet but its nice to know the option is there and when you sign up you can advertise a social event you want to go to and ask anyone to come along so i think its a great idea or if people do have some friends they can just turn up to any social event advertised on Citysocializer website or advertise their own event on that website. So try that instead of sitting at home alone you might even meet a new girlfriend through it. And you dont have to be embarrassed to turn up to an event alone as most people who join are in the same or similar situation as you are. Im not sure if its spelled with a z or s but either way if you type the name on the internet it should still come up
Original post by sr90
I graduated 2 years ago and its been the worst 2 years of my life. I live alone and i'm so lonely, I recently went 5 months without even speaking to another person outside of work. It's driven me to insanity and I just can't cope anymore.

My only friend lives 200 miles away and other than visiting her (which isn't often) my social life is non existent. I don't even have other people to message as all of my uni ''friends'' went travelling or just forgot I existed.

Watching everyone else having fun and loving life whilst i'm stuck doing nothing just makes me feel like utter ****, and the one friend I do have is fed up of me moaning about it.



Join Citysocializer online. Read what its about. Im sure you will find it useful and you can meet other people like yourself
Original post by midlandsgirl
I feel exactly the same as this and have recently started a similar thread. I am outgoing and sociable with many different interests yet still find that I have virtually no social life.

How do people meet new friends when they are out of the settings of school and university? That's a question I'm trying to answer and have been trying to answer for a couple of years now. I'd be happy to talk to anyone in the same boat.


To be honest, I think romantic relationships play a bigger role in people's lives as they get older. They have a bigger role at university than school, and a bigger role in "adult life" than university.

I'm single, and I think that makes the difference tbh. People I know in relationships, that's who the vast vast majority of their "socialising" is with.
Original post by UWS
I graduate in 3 months and I fear I'll end up like this.

Right now I don't have many friends as it is. My acquaintances will probably forget my existence too... But even with my closest friends, seeing them once every few months won't be the same as seeing them in uni every day. It just doesn't have that same impact, working together on coursework, chatting every day about uni stuff and just hanging out together.




Join Citysocializer online
Original post by midlandsgirl
I feel exactly the same as this and have recently started a similar thread. I am outgoing and sociable with many different interests yet still find that I have virtually no social life.

How do people meet new friends when they are out of the settings of school and university? That's a question I'm trying to answer and have been trying to answer for a couple of years now. I'd be happy to talk to anyone in the same boat.


I'd honestly reccomend connecting with people over Twitter who share similar interests with you/ even the student room as you'll be surprised by the amount of people who will happily meet you in real life. I've managed to make two friends via the Internet who I have seen many times in real life so maybe this could work if you're struggling ?

I made a post on here a few years back in desperation asking people to text me and belive it or not I am still in contact with two people who responded to that thread, and I've even met one of them three times over the past year and a bit.

But obviously don't just meet up after chatting make sure you speak on the phone ect
Original post by Judge Judy
Join Citysocializer online. Read what its about. Im sure you will find it useful and you can meet other people like yourself


I'm very nervous because I know that i'll be the awkward one in the corner not saying anything as i'm too nervous. Are those places actually used by people in their 20s anyway? I guess i'm fearful that i'd go and its full of middle aged single mums and divorced men.

Original post by Anonymous
To be honest, I think romantic relationships play a bigger role in people's lives as they get older. They have a bigger role at university than school, and a bigger role in "adult life" than university.

I'm single, and I think that makes the difference tbh. People I know in relationships, that's who the vast vast majority of their "socialising" is with.


Yeh my friend has recently moved to a new area but it's made no difference to her because she has a boyfriend to spend all her time with. Its like once you finish uni people have their other half and a few long term friends and aren't bothered about meeting anyone else.

As i'm far too ugly to ever get a girl to like me (25 and still yet to have my first kiss or date) it just makes me feel like utter ****.
Reply 17
Original post by sr90
I'm very nervous because I know that i'll be the awkward one in the corner not saying anything as i'm too nervous. Are those places actually used by people in their 20s anyway? I guess i'm fearful that i'd go and its full of middle aged single mums and divorced men.



Yeh my friend has recently moved to a new area but it's made no difference to her because she has a boyfriend to spend all her time with. Its like once you finish uni people have their other half and a few long term friends and aren't bothered about meeting anyone else.

As i'm far too ugly to ever get a girl to like me (25 and still yet to have my first kiss or date) it just makes me feel like utter ****.


FFS Sr

FFS
Original post by sr90


Yeh my friend has recently moved to a new area but it's made no difference to her because she has a boyfriend to spend all her time with. Its like once you finish uni people have their other half and a few long term friends and aren't bothered about meeting anyone else.

As i'm far too ugly to ever get a girl to like me (25 and still yet to have my first kiss or date) it just makes me feel like utter ****.


Hey man, I'm pretty similar to you lol. Tbh, I think at our age, lack of relationship is the big thing. In something like first year of uni, loads of people are single, so they're more up for other socialising with friends etc.

When I was in early years at uni, my lack of relationship didn't bother me, since lots of others were in the same position, and there was a good sense of community in the uni anyway. However, as you get older, then people's social lives become dominated by their partner to a much greater extent. I'm also incredibly ugly, so my future is looking pretty bleak. :p:
Original post by sr90
I'm very nervous because I know that i'll be the awkward one in the corner not saying anything as i'm too nervous. Are those places actually used by people in their 20s anyway? I guess i'm fearful that i'd go and its full of middle aged single mums and divorced men.



Yeh my friend has recently moved to a new area but it's made no difference to her because she has a boyfriend to spend all her time with. Its like once you finish uni people have their other half and a few long term friends and aren't bothered about meeting anyone else.

As i'm far too ugly to ever get a girl to like me (25 and still yet to have my first kiss or date) it just makes me feel like utter ****.



Im exactly the same as you as i would also be the awkward one in the corner who says nothing unless someone approaches me first. Id be too scared to approach other people first incase they didnt like me or reject me but the good thing about citysocializer is that maybe other people feel exactly the same too so the whole point is to challenge yourself and do it and make the first move by appoaching others when you go to their social events. Another reason i havent tried it yet is not just having the money to buy myself a drink or if someone organised an event where you have to pay to get in because i could really make plans to go at least once or twice every month or just try it just once to see if i liked it but its worrying that i might be left out while watching everyone else have fun while im hiding in the corner because people might not like me so i will try it to challenge myself but im not ready to yet so i think you should do the same by trying it and dont let the fact you think you are ugly stop you because i think i look weird and hideous but most men tell me i am attractive or even beautiful. Im sure their lying to me and men say that just to get women into bed but maybe they do believe it too. I dont know but some people might think im attractive and others will not. I think i have that body dismorfic thing ( i think i spelt it wrong ) where i look in the mirror and think i look hideous but other people tell me im attractive. Maybe you have that too.

But even so everyone is different and the world would be a boring place f we all looked the same. When i choose to go to a citysocialzer event or arrange my own on here i will let you know. Ill send a private message and a public one for everyone else to come along on here who is lonely and dont have many friends or even better still you can decide where you want to go and ask people to reply if they want to come and anyone else on this forum can do the same thing.
You just make sure you know what everyone is wearing so you recognise them when you meet but you have to get that person's number so you can ring to describe each other and to contact them if they or late or to find out if they are still coming if they are late as i hate waiting for people and not knowing if they will bother to turn up so its nice to know you have a mobile number to ring them and find out rather than hang around waiting when they have no intention to come or the decency to ring or text and say they are not coming.

Another thing you need and other young people need to consider is dont write off older people because some of them still act as young as you do and like doing the same things that you do. They also are young in mind for example im really childish sometimes but not in the way i behave towards other people i mean i still love doing things like going to fun fairs,etc and other things and trying new things.
Its better to have older friends than none at all as people your own age my let you down but even worse when they meet new people or start a new relationship they will dump you and not want to go out socialsing anymore but if i was in a relationship i would never dump anyone and id still support friends by going out with them to support them and help them to meet others but thats just me, not everyone would do that so be open minded to meeting older people aswell as people your own age because i have a friend who is 21 but all his friends deserted him when they all left uni and he cant make new friends. Hes always arguing with people at work as hes a carer and he told his boss at work he doesnt want to work with other people anymore which is incredibly childish but im going to explain about my friendship with him in a seperate post.

I always get jealous when i see people in groups laughing and having fun so i really like to go out in groups because its more fun and no one is relying on me to carry a convrrsation but ive never had lots of friends to go out in groups with so i dont care if anyone is younger or older than i am you can still have fun with any age group so dont let age put you off trying Citysocializer or meeting older people on this website
You can always learn from older or younger people.

When i was 21 i thought anyone who is 30 was ancient or like a pensioner but i never dismissed them or not wanted to be friends with them or not wanted to date them it was just a thought but i realised by giving older people a chance that you do have the same things in common and you like doing exactly the same things.
All i care about is having good, genuine friends and not people who will dump me for silly reasons so thats more important than someone's age.

In December i'm going to advertise on Citysocializer and this website for people to meet up outside the gates of Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park as i love going there
But i might arrange other things before that too but i went there only once with my 21 year old friend but we both would have had more fun in a group but i didnt know about this website or Citysocializer then

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