Boyfriend takes out his anger on me
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years now and the last year of it has just been terrible.
We lived together last year in Bristol as I was doing my masters there and he worked nearby.
However, as I couldn't find a job in Bristol after my masters, I moved back in with my parents in London and got a job there, with the idea to get some experience, save some money and see if there was a chance to move back to the south west. My boyfriend has since been driving up to see me at the weekends here and there although as he is in the military I don't see him too much any way.
It has been a year now since I moved back to London and he has made me feel so awful about our situation. He HATES driving up to see me, HATES my parents, HATES that we don't have our own place. He is constantly frustrated and annoyed at the situation and has taken it out on me all this time.
I've tried numerous times to find a new job closer to him, been through assessment days, interviews, etc and haven't been able to find anything just yet. Even at WORK, I am consistently job searching, filling out applications etc, even though I actually quite like my job in London and I'm doing really well there (and actually just got a promotion). I'm just so desperate to sort this out as he is just driving me crazy and completely exhausting me.
Meanwhile I just get all the stick for it, that I need to sort things out and that it's all me. I've said to him let's get somewhere and meet in the middle, but he leaves it up to me to sort out. I know our situation isn't ideal, and I don't particularly like it either and my boyfriend has just been going MENTAL at me. Calling me names, threatening to break up with me every weekend and then being like 'whoops sorry I didn't mean all that'. I even found him going on a dating website and lying so that he didn't have to see me one weekend (!!!) and I still forgave him as he promised me he would stop behaving this way.
Last weekend I got a bit emotional about the whole thing as I felt there was too much pressure on me to make the move despite trying my hardest (I just felt like nothing was coming from him), and he just flipped on me and said he couldn't be with someone who was upset all the time, he didn't think we were compatible, he has no money, he hates his job and his life and it's all my fault. That he's young and shouldn't be this stressed. He's also in a lot of debt (own personal money problems) and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me any more.
Now he's saying he's sorry he shouldn't have said all of that to me, that he loves me, but I've asked him for a bit of space as this is just exhausting me now and I don't know if I can take it much longer - every time he is angry he takes everything out on me. I love him and I know we are in a dire situation but I can't do any more to please him and it's getting too much.
Please advise on how to approach this as I am so exhausted!! Thanks!!!
We lived together last year in Bristol as I was doing my masters there and he worked nearby.
However, as I couldn't find a job in Bristol after my masters, I moved back in with my parents in London and got a job there, with the idea to get some experience, save some money and see if there was a chance to move back to the south west. My boyfriend has since been driving up to see me at the weekends here and there although as he is in the military I don't see him too much any way.
It has been a year now since I moved back to London and he has made me feel so awful about our situation. He HATES driving up to see me, HATES my parents, HATES that we don't have our own place. He is constantly frustrated and annoyed at the situation and has taken it out on me all this time.
I've tried numerous times to find a new job closer to him, been through assessment days, interviews, etc and haven't been able to find anything just yet. Even at WORK, I am consistently job searching, filling out applications etc, even though I actually quite like my job in London and I'm doing really well there (and actually just got a promotion). I'm just so desperate to sort this out as he is just driving me crazy and completely exhausting me.
Meanwhile I just get all the stick for it, that I need to sort things out and that it's all me. I've said to him let's get somewhere and meet in the middle, but he leaves it up to me to sort out. I know our situation isn't ideal, and I don't particularly like it either and my boyfriend has just been going MENTAL at me. Calling me names, threatening to break up with me every weekend and then being like 'whoops sorry I didn't mean all that'. I even found him going on a dating website and lying so that he didn't have to see me one weekend (!!!) and I still forgave him as he promised me he would stop behaving this way.
Last weekend I got a bit emotional about the whole thing as I felt there was too much pressure on me to make the move despite trying my hardest (I just felt like nothing was coming from him), and he just flipped on me and said he couldn't be with someone who was upset all the time, he didn't think we were compatible, he has no money, he hates his job and his life and it's all my fault. That he's young and shouldn't be this stressed. He's also in a lot of debt (own personal money problems) and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me any more.
Now he's saying he's sorry he shouldn't have said all of that to me, that he loves me, but I've asked him for a bit of space as this is just exhausting me now and I don't know if I can take it much longer - every time he is angry he takes everything out on me. I love him and I know we are in a dire situation but I can't do any more to please him and it's getting too much.
Please advise on how to approach this as I am so exhausted!! Thanks!!!
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dump him if u have self respect 
x
x
Original post by Alexion
Are you sure you love him?
Yes of course I do, we've been together for such a long time and we are great together. He's just not in the best place, and blames everyone else but himself - mostly me.
I nearly broke up with him a couple of months ago after I found out he was on a dating website, and he then promised to change and it was a bit of a wake up call. But this weekend he's suddenly gone back to how he was before and blaming me for everything.
Original post by heybabez
he then promised to change
It sounds like there's a lot of promising and not a lot of changing...
Original post by heybabez
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years now and the last year of it has just been terrible.
We lived together last year in Bristol as I was doing my masters there and he worked nearby.
However, as I couldn't find a job in Bristol after my masters, I moved back in with my parents in London and got a job there, with the idea to get some experience, save some money and see if there was a chance to move back to the south west. My boyfriend has since been driving up to see me at the weekends here and there although as he is in the military I don't see him too much any way.
It has been a year now since I moved back to London and he has made me feel so awful about our situation. He HATES driving up to see me, HATES my parents, HATES that we don't have our own place. He is constantly frustrated and annoyed at the situation and has taken it out on me all this time.
I've tried numerous times to find a new job closer to him, been through assessment days, interviews, etc and haven't been able to find anything just yet. Even at WORK, I am consistently job searching, filling out applications etc, even though I actually quite like my job in London and I'm doing really well there (and actually just got a promotion). I'm just so desperate to sort this out as he is just driving me crazy and completely exhausting me.
Meanwhile I just get all the stick for it, that I need to sort things out and that it's all me. I've said to him let's get somewhere and meet in the middle, but he leaves it up to me to sort out. I know our situation isn't ideal, and I don't particularly like it either and my boyfriend has just been going MENTAL at me. Calling me names, threatening to break up with me every weekend and then being like 'whoops sorry I didn't mean all that'. I even found him going on a dating website and lying so that he didn't have to see me one weekend (!!!) and I still forgave him as he promised me he would stop behaving this way.
Last weekend I got a bit emotional about the whole thing as I felt there was too much pressure on me to make the move despite trying my hardest (I just felt like nothing was coming from him), and he just flipped on me and said he couldn't be with someone who was upset all the time, he didn't think we were compatible, he has no money, he hates his job and his life and it's all my fault. That he's young and shouldn't be this stressed. He's also in a lot of debt (own personal money problems) and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me any more.
Now he's saying he's sorry he shouldn't have said all of that to me, that he loves me, but I've asked him for a bit of space as this is just exhausting me now and I don't know if I can take it much longer - every time he is angry he takes everything out on me. I love him and I know we are in a dire situation but I can't do any more to please him and it's getting too much.
Please advise on how to approach this as I am so exhausted!! Thanks!!!
We lived together last year in Bristol as I was doing my masters there and he worked nearby.
However, as I couldn't find a job in Bristol after my masters, I moved back in with my parents in London and got a job there, with the idea to get some experience, save some money and see if there was a chance to move back to the south west. My boyfriend has since been driving up to see me at the weekends here and there although as he is in the military I don't see him too much any way.
It has been a year now since I moved back to London and he has made me feel so awful about our situation. He HATES driving up to see me, HATES my parents, HATES that we don't have our own place. He is constantly frustrated and annoyed at the situation and has taken it out on me all this time.
I've tried numerous times to find a new job closer to him, been through assessment days, interviews, etc and haven't been able to find anything just yet. Even at WORK, I am consistently job searching, filling out applications etc, even though I actually quite like my job in London and I'm doing really well there (and actually just got a promotion). I'm just so desperate to sort this out as he is just driving me crazy and completely exhausting me.
Meanwhile I just get all the stick for it, that I need to sort things out and that it's all me. I've said to him let's get somewhere and meet in the middle, but he leaves it up to me to sort out. I know our situation isn't ideal, and I don't particularly like it either and my boyfriend has just been going MENTAL at me. Calling me names, threatening to break up with me every weekend and then being like 'whoops sorry I didn't mean all that'. I even found him going on a dating website and lying so that he didn't have to see me one weekend (!!!) and I still forgave him as he promised me he would stop behaving this way.
Last weekend I got a bit emotional about the whole thing as I felt there was too much pressure on me to make the move despite trying my hardest (I just felt like nothing was coming from him), and he just flipped on me and said he couldn't be with someone who was upset all the time, he didn't think we were compatible, he has no money, he hates his job and his life and it's all my fault. That he's young and shouldn't be this stressed. He's also in a lot of debt (own personal money problems) and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me any more.
Now he's saying he's sorry he shouldn't have said all of that to me, that he loves me, but I've asked him for a bit of space as this is just exhausting me now and I don't know if I can take it much longer - every time he is angry he takes everything out on me. I love him and I know we are in a dire situation but I can't do any more to please him and it's getting too much.
Please advise on how to approach this as I am so exhausted!! Thanks!!!
Is there ever a time when you are angry and possibly take it out on him? Or is it mainly him who is angry and you are kind of dancing around his threats and outbursts? How would he react if you acted the same towards him?
It's not your fault in a relationship both people contribute to scenarios so he shouldn't be saying it is all your fault. Although it's ideal to take each other's situations into account when making decisions your life can't revolve around him. You have to try to balance your life and your bf somehow. Maybe come to some agreements and show him that you are trying to get a job near to him, rather than just telling him. Maybe rather than him comming to see you you could go to see him more with him him working full time. If you love him I would try to compromise a little more if I could but if he is still taking his frustration out on you I'd re evaluate if staying with him is the best option. Sorry if Ive not helped, I guess there's no right and wrong thing to do in these situations.
It sounds like you re doing most of the work in the relationship and he's not offered much of a compromise, is moving half way not a possibility ?
Sounds like a douche bag.
I don't think you should be with someone who is that emotionally unstable, and unambitious. Probably best to cut your losses. Also, it sounds like he is emotionally abusive, and blaming you for everything that is wrong in his life, which is an absolutely terrible way of treating someone.
I don't think you should be with someone who is that emotionally unstable, and unambitious. Probably best to cut your losses. Also, it sounds like he is emotionally abusive, and blaming you for everything that is wrong in his life, which is an absolutely terrible way of treating someone.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by heybabez
I nearly broke up with him a couple of months ago after I found out he was on a dating website, and he then promised to change and it was a bit of a wake up call. But this weekend he's suddenly gone back to how he was before and blaming me for everything.
I nearly broke up with him a couple of months ago after I found out he was on a dating website, and he then promised to change and it was a bit of a wake up call. But this weekend he's suddenly gone back to how he was before and blaming me for everything.
Come on smh, have some dignity.
The biggest and most important question is: Is he making you happy? From what you've written, he is absolutely not making you happy. I would definitely break up with him.
Original post by heybabez
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years now and the last year of it has just been terrible.
We lived together last year in Bristol as I was doing my masters there and he worked nearby.
However, as I couldn't find a job in Bristol after my masters, I moved back in with my parents in London and got a job there, with the idea to get some experience, save some money and see if there was a chance to move back to the south west. My boyfriend has since been driving up to see me at the weekends here and there although as he is in the military I don't see him too much any way.
It has been a year now since I moved back to London and he has made me feel so awful about our situation. He HATES driving up to see me, HATES my parents, HATES that we don't have our own place. He is constantly frustrated and annoyed at the situation and has taken it out on me all this time.
I've tried numerous times to find a new job closer to him, been through assessment days, interviews, etc and haven't been able to find anything just yet. Even at WORK, I am consistently job searching, filling out applications etc, even though I actually quite like my job in London and I'm doing really well there (and actually just got a promotion). I'm just so desperate to sort this out as he is just driving me crazy and completely exhausting me.
Meanwhile I just get all the stick for it, that I need to sort things out and that it's all me. I've said to him let's get somewhere and meet in the middle, but he leaves it up to me to sort out. I know our situation isn't ideal, and I don't particularly like it either and my boyfriend has just been going MENTAL at me. Calling me names, threatening to break up with me every weekend and then being like 'whoops sorry I didn't mean all that'. I even found him going on a dating website and lying so that he didn't have to see me one weekend (!!!) and I still forgave him as he promised me he would stop behaving this way.
Last weekend I got a bit emotional about the whole thing as I felt there was too much pressure on me to make the move despite trying my hardest (I just felt like nothing was coming from him), and he just flipped on me and said he couldn't be with someone who was upset all the time, he didn't think we were compatible, he has no money, he hates his job and his life and it's all my fault. That he's young and shouldn't be this stressed. He's also in a lot of debt (own personal money problems) and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me any more.
Now he's saying he's sorry he shouldn't have said all of that to me, that he loves me, but I've asked him for a bit of space as this is just exhausting me now and I don't know if I can take it much longer - every time he is angry he takes everything out on me. I love him and I know we are in a dire situation but I can't do any more to please him and it's getting too much.
Please advise on how to approach this as I am so exhausted!! Thanks!!!
We lived together last year in Bristol as I was doing my masters there and he worked nearby.
However, as I couldn't find a job in Bristol after my masters, I moved back in with my parents in London and got a job there, with the idea to get some experience, save some money and see if there was a chance to move back to the south west. My boyfriend has since been driving up to see me at the weekends here and there although as he is in the military I don't see him too much any way.
It has been a year now since I moved back to London and he has made me feel so awful about our situation. He HATES driving up to see me, HATES my parents, HATES that we don't have our own place. He is constantly frustrated and annoyed at the situation and has taken it out on me all this time.
I've tried numerous times to find a new job closer to him, been through assessment days, interviews, etc and haven't been able to find anything just yet. Even at WORK, I am consistently job searching, filling out applications etc, even though I actually quite like my job in London and I'm doing really well there (and actually just got a promotion). I'm just so desperate to sort this out as he is just driving me crazy and completely exhausting me.
Meanwhile I just get all the stick for it, that I need to sort things out and that it's all me. I've said to him let's get somewhere and meet in the middle, but he leaves it up to me to sort out. I know our situation isn't ideal, and I don't particularly like it either and my boyfriend has just been going MENTAL at me. Calling me names, threatening to break up with me every weekend and then being like 'whoops sorry I didn't mean all that'. I even found him going on a dating website and lying so that he didn't have to see me one weekend (!!!) and I still forgave him as he promised me he would stop behaving this way.
Last weekend I got a bit emotional about the whole thing as I felt there was too much pressure on me to make the move despite trying my hardest (I just felt like nothing was coming from him), and he just flipped on me and said he couldn't be with someone who was upset all the time, he didn't think we were compatible, he has no money, he hates his job and his life and it's all my fault. That he's young and shouldn't be this stressed. He's also in a lot of debt (own personal money problems) and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me any more.
Now he's saying he's sorry he shouldn't have said all of that to me, that he loves me, but I've asked him for a bit of space as this is just exhausting me now and I don't know if I can take it much longer - every time he is angry he takes everything out on me. I love him and I know we are in a dire situation but I can't do any more to please him and it's getting too much.
Please advise on how to approach this as I am so exhausted!! Thanks!!!
Leave Him, he will keep doing this. He won't change. If you think he will do this to someone else, he should be on some violence register in a national database.
If your a coiple then you should be working together and appreciating each others situations but agreeing on a common solition. You seem to be trying to solve the situation by meeting in the middle and looking for a new job.
He seems unable to cope and is part of the problem not the solution. Do you really wnat a partner who cnat cope with a bit of separation,or can keep clam in difficult times. Theres no reason it needs to be as hard as it is or he has to make himself a marty. its also a bad sign if hes taking it out on you. Its not positive.
Imo tell him its causing too much strain for you both and perhaps a bit of space for 6 months could let you both have time on how yu feel. He wont have the stress of having to visit, can get his own life sorted out and you get some peace and quite to decide how you feel and look for a job.
No good carrying on the way it is. Give him a chance in respect of the 5 years, but imo hes nearly dumped as you really find out where you are with someone else in tough times and he failed. Give him a chance though, but selfishly id be thinking do you want a partner or a draining man child? Too much hassle.
He seems unable to cope and is part of the problem not the solution. Do you really wnat a partner who cnat cope with a bit of separation,or can keep clam in difficult times. Theres no reason it needs to be as hard as it is or he has to make himself a marty. its also a bad sign if hes taking it out on you. Its not positive.
Imo tell him its causing too much strain for you both and perhaps a bit of space for 6 months could let you both have time on how yu feel. He wont have the stress of having to visit, can get his own life sorted out and you get some peace and quite to decide how you feel and look for a job.
No good carrying on the way it is. Give him a chance in respect of the 5 years, but imo hes nearly dumped as you really find out where you are with someone else in tough times and he failed. Give him a chance though, but selfishly id be thinking do you want a partner or a draining man child? Too much hassle.
Original post by heybabez
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years now and the last year of it has just been terrible.
We lived together last year in Bristol as I was doing my masters there and he worked nearby.
However, as I couldn't find a job in Bristol after my masters, I moved back in with my parents in London and got a job there, with the idea to get some experience, save some money and see if there was a chance to move back to the south west. My boyfriend has since been driving up to see me at the weekends here and there although as he is in the military I don't see him too much any way.
It has been a year now since I moved back to London and he has made me feel so awful about our situation. He HATES driving up to see me, HATES my parents, HATES that we don't have our own place. He is constantly frustrated and annoyed at the situation and has taken it out on me all this time.
I've tried numerous times to find a new job closer to him, been through assessment days, interviews, etc and haven't been able to find anything just yet. Even at WORK, I am consistently job searching, filling out applications etc, even though I actually quite like my job in London and I'm doing really well there (and actually just got a promotion). I'm just so desperate to sort this out as he is just driving me crazy and completely exhausting me.
Meanwhile I just get all the stick for it, that I need to sort things out and that it's all me. I've said to him let's get somewhere and meet in the middle, but he leaves it up to me to sort out. I know our situation isn't ideal, and I don't particularly like it either and my boyfriend has just been going MENTAL at me. Calling me names, threatening to break up with me every weekend and then being like 'whoops sorry I didn't mean all that'. I even found him going on a dating website and lying so that he didn't have to see me one weekend (!!!) and I still forgave him as he promised me he would stop behaving this way.
Last weekend I got a bit emotional about the whole thing as I felt there was too much pressure on me to make the move despite trying my hardest (I just felt like nothing was coming from him), and he just flipped on me and said he couldn't be with someone who was upset all the time, he didn't think we were compatible, he has no money, he hates his job and his life and it's all my fault. That he's young and shouldn't be this stressed. He's also in a lot of debt (own personal money problems) and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me any more.
Now he's saying he's sorry he shouldn't have said all of that to me, that he loves me, but I've asked him for a bit of space as this is just exhausting me now and I don't know if I can take it much longer - every time he is angry he takes everything out on me. I love him and I know we are in a dire situation but I can't do any more to please him and it's getting too much.
Please advise on how to approach this as I am so exhausted!! Thanks!!!
We lived together last year in Bristol as I was doing my masters there and he worked nearby.
However, as I couldn't find a job in Bristol after my masters, I moved back in with my parents in London and got a job there, with the idea to get some experience, save some money and see if there was a chance to move back to the south west. My boyfriend has since been driving up to see me at the weekends here and there although as he is in the military I don't see him too much any way.
It has been a year now since I moved back to London and he has made me feel so awful about our situation. He HATES driving up to see me, HATES my parents, HATES that we don't have our own place. He is constantly frustrated and annoyed at the situation and has taken it out on me all this time.
I've tried numerous times to find a new job closer to him, been through assessment days, interviews, etc and haven't been able to find anything just yet. Even at WORK, I am consistently job searching, filling out applications etc, even though I actually quite like my job in London and I'm doing really well there (and actually just got a promotion). I'm just so desperate to sort this out as he is just driving me crazy and completely exhausting me.
Meanwhile I just get all the stick for it, that I need to sort things out and that it's all me. I've said to him let's get somewhere and meet in the middle, but he leaves it up to me to sort out. I know our situation isn't ideal, and I don't particularly like it either and my boyfriend has just been going MENTAL at me. Calling me names, threatening to break up with me every weekend and then being like 'whoops sorry I didn't mean all that'. I even found him going on a dating website and lying so that he didn't have to see me one weekend (!!!) and I still forgave him as he promised me he would stop behaving this way.
Last weekend I got a bit emotional about the whole thing as I felt there was too much pressure on me to make the move despite trying my hardest (I just felt like nothing was coming from him), and he just flipped on me and said he couldn't be with someone who was upset all the time, he didn't think we were compatible, he has no money, he hates his job and his life and it's all my fault. That he's young and shouldn't be this stressed. He's also in a lot of debt (own personal money problems) and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me any more.
Now he's saying he's sorry he shouldn't have said all of that to me, that he loves me, but I've asked him for a bit of space as this is just exhausting me now and I don't know if I can take it much longer - every time he is angry he takes everything out on me. I love him and I know we are in a dire situation but I can't do any more to please him and it's getting too much.
Please advise on how to approach this as I am so exhausted!! Thanks!!!
I am sorry but from what you are describing you (both) need to move on separately.
It seems like he thinks he can do whatever he wants because he knows you will forgive him. Take some time for your self - don't contact him and wait to see if he comes running back to you. This means that he doesn't want to lose you. But if he doesn't try to contact you then he probably doesn't love you as much as he used to.
IMO, it seems like a lot of people are afraid to leave a relationship because they dwell on the years they have spent with that person rather than looking at the bigger picture.
You can love all you want, but if the person is treating you awfully and doesn't show respect to the people who gave life to you then what's the point?
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You can love all you want, but if the person is treating you awfully and doesn't show respect to the people who gave life to you then what's the point?
Posted from TSR Mobile
If you really do love him then talk to him about it all. You're a couple, you have arguments but you'll be there for them. If you truly want to be with him then the whole situation will sort itself out, you both need to just stay calm and trust each other that it will get better. But if he's making you feel uncomfortable or unloved then maybe he's not the one. Try talking to him and if his attitude towards you doesn't change then you should let go before it gets more heated.
He is entitled to be frustrated at the situation but he should not be taking his anger out on you; that is a way for guys/friends to find themselves dropped very quickly in my eyes because it's emotional abuse. Saying "sorry I'll change" doesn't make any sort of abuse okay, especially if he isn't changing.
If you took him out of the equation, would you choose to stay in London or would you still be searching for a job in Bristol? A job you like is hard to find, but I also know that it isn't everything to people. I moved to where I am now to be closer to my boyfriend... Turned out he cheated on me and then he dumped me. I got lucky because I love my uni course and I've made lots of friends but I could have easily ended up very lonely and unhappy because I moved for someone else rather than putting my own needs first.
Just because you've being together for a long time doesn't mean that you should stay with someone, and although breaking up is hard it is often for the best in the long run. I think if he wants to stay with you he needs to demonstrate that he is actually capable of real change, and he needs to start recognising you're trying and supporting you rather than putting pressure on you for not changing the situation quickly enough.
If you took him out of the equation, would you choose to stay in London or would you still be searching for a job in Bristol? A job you like is hard to find, but I also know that it isn't everything to people. I moved to where I am now to be closer to my boyfriend... Turned out he cheated on me and then he dumped me. I got lucky because I love my uni course and I've made lots of friends but I could have easily ended up very lonely and unhappy because I moved for someone else rather than putting my own needs first.
Just because you've being together for a long time doesn't mean that you should stay with someone, and although breaking up is hard it is often for the best in the long run. I think if he wants to stay with you he needs to demonstrate that he is actually capable of real change, and he needs to start recognising you're trying and supporting you rather than putting pressure on you for not changing the situation quickly enough.
I hate to agree with everyone but you deserve better. You may love him but the relationship is not healthy. Also it might not be love but comfort and familiarity. You are in a good place it sounds like but he is dragging you down. It doesn't seem like he is committed to you or your relationship. Long distance can be tough but this sounds like more than that.
I wish you all the best but you need to do some soul searching and decide if this male person (I would say man but that is not how he is acting) is really the right guy for you.
I wish you all the best but you need to do some soul searching and decide if this male person (I would say man but that is not how he is acting) is really the right guy for you.
Original post by heybabez
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years now and the last year of it has just been terrible.
We lived together last year in Bristol as I was doing my masters there and he worked nearby.
However, as I couldn't find a job in Bristol after my masters, I moved back in with my parents in London and got a job there, with the idea to get some experience, save some money and see if there was a chance to move back to the south west. My boyfriend has since been driving up to see me at the weekends here and there although as he is in the military I don't see him too much any way.
It has been a year now since I moved back to London and he has made me feel so awful about our situation. He HATES driving up to see me, HATES my parents, HATES that we don't have our own place. He is constantly frustrated and annoyed at the situation and has taken it out on me all this time.
I've tried numerous times to find a new job closer to him, been through assessment days, interviews, etc and haven't been able to find anything just yet. Even at WORK, I am consistently job searching, filling out applications etc, even though I actually quite like my job in London and I'm doing really well there (and actually just got a promotion). I'm just so desperate to sort this out as he is just driving me crazy and completely exhausting me.
Meanwhile I just get all the stick for it, that I need to sort things out and that it's all me. I've said to him let's get somewhere and meet in the middle, but he leaves it up to me to sort out. I know our situation isn't ideal, and I don't particularly like it either and my boyfriend has just been going MENTAL at me. Calling me names, threatening to break up with me every weekend and then being like 'whoops sorry I didn't mean all that'. I even found him going on a dating website and lying so that he didn't have to see me one weekend (!!!) and I still forgave him as he promised me he would stop behaving this way.
Last weekend I got a bit emotional about the whole thing as I felt there was too much pressure on me to make the move despite trying my hardest (I just felt like nothing was coming from him), and he just flipped on me and said he couldn't be with someone who was upset all the time, he didn't think we were compatible, he has no money, he hates his job and his life and it's all my fault. That he's young and shouldn't be this stressed. He's also in a lot of debt (own personal money problems) and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me any more.
Now he's saying he's sorry he shouldn't have said all of that to me, that he loves me, but I've asked him for a bit of space as this is just exhausting me now and I don't know if I can take it much longer - every time he is angry he takes everything out on me. I love him and I know we are in a dire situation but I can't do any more to please him and it's getting too much.
Please advise on how to approach this as I am so exhausted!! Thanks!!!
We lived together last year in Bristol as I was doing my masters there and he worked nearby.
However, as I couldn't find a job in Bristol after my masters, I moved back in with my parents in London and got a job there, with the idea to get some experience, save some money and see if there was a chance to move back to the south west. My boyfriend has since been driving up to see me at the weekends here and there although as he is in the military I don't see him too much any way.
It has been a year now since I moved back to London and he has made me feel so awful about our situation. He HATES driving up to see me, HATES my parents, HATES that we don't have our own place. He is constantly frustrated and annoyed at the situation and has taken it out on me all this time.
I've tried numerous times to find a new job closer to him, been through assessment days, interviews, etc and haven't been able to find anything just yet. Even at WORK, I am consistently job searching, filling out applications etc, even though I actually quite like my job in London and I'm doing really well there (and actually just got a promotion). I'm just so desperate to sort this out as he is just driving me crazy and completely exhausting me.
Meanwhile I just get all the stick for it, that I need to sort things out and that it's all me. I've said to him let's get somewhere and meet in the middle, but he leaves it up to me to sort out. I know our situation isn't ideal, and I don't particularly like it either and my boyfriend has just been going MENTAL at me. Calling me names, threatening to break up with me every weekend and then being like 'whoops sorry I didn't mean all that'. I even found him going on a dating website and lying so that he didn't have to see me one weekend (!!!) and I still forgave him as he promised me he would stop behaving this way.
Last weekend I got a bit emotional about the whole thing as I felt there was too much pressure on me to make the move despite trying my hardest (I just felt like nothing was coming from him), and he just flipped on me and said he couldn't be with someone who was upset all the time, he didn't think we were compatible, he has no money, he hates his job and his life and it's all my fault. That he's young and shouldn't be this stressed. He's also in a lot of debt (own personal money problems) and he doesn't know if he wants to be with me any more.
Now he's saying he's sorry he shouldn't have said all of that to me, that he loves me, but I've asked him for a bit of space as this is just exhausting me now and I don't know if I can take it much longer - every time he is angry he takes everything out on me. I love him and I know we are in a dire situation but I can't do any more to please him and it's getting too much.
Please advise on how to approach this as I am so exhausted!! Thanks!!!
Luckily, you have found out his true colours now that you are geographically away and with no shared mortgage. Leave him before it's too late.
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