1. I am fat, which makes me look ugly, which makes people completely skip me or ignore me or judge me.
2. I am a very giving person but also an alpha male but because I am fat people don't care or don't give a chance.
3. I am autistic, I know I am autistic so I make bad decisions. This means I know I make bad decisions so I can't make decisions because I know they might be bad ones.
4. I love women and I am kinky but because I am autistic therefore socially uncoordinated I can't talk to them and therefore am foreveralone.
5. I am fat because I have had problems in the past and I equate binge eating to happiness. I have lost a lot of weight (5 stone) but the 5 stone more I have to lose is just not going very quickly even with a 2500 calorie deficit.
6. I am almost 30 and forever alone. everyone else is married. I know I will never be married or if I am it will be to a horrible person (looks and personality) that no one else wants. Basically like being married to myself.
7. I make a lot of money sometimes and then sometimes make none. The perks of being an internet marketer. When I make none I get lonely, when I make a lot, I just attract users and gold diggers who pick up that im autistic on a subconscious level and think that makes me a mark or a target.
8. I am tall. 6ft 8". Which means that I look terrible BUT attract more attention than everyone else. Which means everyone judges me. I also can't fit into a lot of cars and bang/burn my head a lot on bare lightbulbs.
9. Most importantly looking at life it would be unfair to pass on my genes - have children - which makes my life somewhat pointless. All I have to give society is 20% corporation tax + ~40% income tax. But I can't kill myself. I have tried and failed. I just can't make myself go through with it. This bugs me the most.